<p>IRAN SEEKS PERMISSION TO MAKE TEENY TINY NUCLEAR WEAPONS Latest Snag in European Nuke Talks Iran threw a monkey wrench into the ongoing negotiations over its nuclear program today, asking the European Union for permission to manufacture what it called teeny tiny nuclear weapons. </p>
<p>While Europe has consistently demanded that Iran put a total halt to its nuclear ambitions, Iran said that the nuclear weapons it is now seeking to produce are so itty-bitty you will barely know they are there. </p>
<p>In a press conference in Tehran, Government spokesman Abdollah Ramezanzadeh held in the palm of his hand what appeared to be a tiny nuclear missile the approximate size of a Bic lighter to demonstrate the type of nuclear weapons Iran seeks to stockpile. </p>
<p>Playing down the potential threat of such an arsenal, Mr. Ramezanzadeh said that the miniscule nukes would have a range of two to three feet and would only be capable of sinking a tiny nuclear submarine in a bathtub. </p>
<p>While France, Germany and Great Britain seemed inclined to permit Iran to manufacture a nuclear arsenal comprised solely of itty-bitty nukes, the proposal drew strong objections from the teensy-weensy nations in the European Union, such as Luxembourg and Malta, who see Irans tiny nukes as a threat to their security. </p>
<p>If Iran insists on manufacturing itty-bitty nuclear weapons, Luxembourg will have no choice but to shoot them out of the sky with teeny tiny antiballistic weapons of our own, sternly warned Luxembourg Prime Minister Jean-Claude Juncker. </p>
<p>Elsewhere, the birth of Julia Roberts twins, Phinnaeus and Hazel, brought renewed calls for a law preventing celebrities from naming their own children.</p>