<p>I wrote this essay as I was really hungry for lunch the other day in school. My college counselors love it, but I want other opinions.</p>
<p>Dear Roommate,
My favorite roll of sushi is the Dragon Roll. I only recently discovered that it defines me. There is spicy mayo on the outside, but mushy gushy avocado as you get near the center. Like Shrek's description of an onion, my personality has many layers. My outer shell is spicy, but leaves a shockingly good aftertaste. This spice is honesty. Honesty is my best policy. It is an underrated quality; most people aren't prepared for the truth, but they greatly appreciate it in the end. After the spice, the soft avocado brings a buffer to the roll. My loyalty to my friends and to those closest to me parallels that neutrality. As my roommate, you can enjoy all aspects of my "sushi roll": both my honesty and my loyalty. Before, I wasn't too fond of fish and was a bit reluctant to try sushi, but I ended up really liking it. My ability to embrace new situations will make me an ideal roommate; I am psyched to be thrust into a spanking-new living environment full of fresh, new potential friends.
Coming from Miami, a place where vitamin-D is in abundance, I take pleasure in being outdoors and releasing my copious amounts of energy into any form of exercise. When exercise is unavailable, my stress is released through video games like Fifa and my all-time favorite, Call of Duty. My vibrant hometown has influenced my music taste, so my iTunes library is abundant with dubstep, electronic, and club-style fist-pumping techno - none of those mainstream shenanigans. On the other side of the spectrum, I have a softer side that includes playlists filled with Yeasayer and The XX, which reflects the polar sides of my personality. Some snacks I like to have around me are Cheetos, celery, and mango sorbet.
See you soon!</p>
yours is no exception. however “…releasing my copious amounts of energy into any form of exercise.” sounds kind of awkward, i’m sure you could find a better way to reword it. i feel like the last sentence is somewhat unnecessary, it’s not really relative to the central point displaying contrasting sides of your personality. </p>