Gap Year

Parents Forum
1

<p>My son has been accepted to an excellent LAC that he fell in love with and has been his first choice throughout his college search.</p>

<p>However,although his grades and SAT's are good he is a poor student. He is disorganized,poorly motivated, and dependent on me to push him to get his work done. He consistenly does not do all his homework or study enough to prepare for tests and exams. He somehow manages to get B's in all his honor and AP classes.</p>

<p>Senioritis has really set in and he is really bombing out. I am doubtfull tht he will make it in college although the school offers alot of support.I think a Gap year might make a lot of sense. However I don't want a"rich kid prgram" that just sends him around the world for a great travel experience.</p>

<p>Any suggestions for productive gap years or any thoughts about my sons predicted college success will be appreciated.</p>

<p>Thanks</p>

2

<p>Do you think his problems are caused by immaturity or some other problem such as ADD? If the first, then a gap year makes sense. If the latter, then some other strategy is called for.</p>

3

<p>Yes , he has ADD and that is part of the problem. However I do believe that his ammaturity is a factor as well. He has tried medication for 10th and 11th grade but it didn't seem to make a difference.</p>

<p>In other areas he is very strong. He has many friends, is a varsity athlete. and is very independent.
I am worried sick!</p>

4

<p>Maybe look into some sort of summer program designed for non-medical management of ADD? I have no idea what is available, much less in your geographic area. If this is not something he is going to grow out of, he needs to learn to work with it and around it. I think a gap year for a kid who is disorganized and poorly motivated is probably not a great option. I think he needs structure. Also check his college's website and see if there are any study programs available.</p>

5

<p>That is a good suggestion although I don't know of any such program but I will research it.</p>

6

<p>It sounds to me that a gap year would not be a good idea for your son. Senioritis is very normal, especially with someone who has the "perfect" acceptance in hand. You can push from afar by keeping as close tabs as he will allow and if the LAC is truly helpful, your son can succeed. </p>

<p>Don't forget health insurance coverage issues if you continue with the gap year consideration. Make sure you know exactly what that year will do in terms of his eligibility to continue coverage on your policy.</p>

<p>Is it possible you don't really want to let go so soon?</p>

7

<p>Both I and my college boyfriend worked menial local service jobs during our gap years. Did both of us a world of good. Since your son has already been admitted to his favorite school, it's not like he needs to worry about padding his resume. There's absolutely nothing wrong with bagging groceries for a year or that kind of thing -- I learned a ton.</p>

8

<p>my daughter has ADD and took a gap year although her reason was to mature socially not academically.
Her GAP year was very structured- CITYYEAR- however this would be late to pursue that option.
If Landmark college or traveling isn't in the picture, I would suggest that he go ahead and begin freshman year- with the assumption that he has a 504 plan in place that will be implemented in college.
My daughters college- which was not known for disabilty support- still had an ADD support group and a organizational coach available.
I would suggest that you require a release form so that you can see grades and inquire often so that if he is getting too far behind he can take an incomplete or drop a class rather than an F, which is much more problematic</p>

9

<p>Some folks I know did internships during a gap year. It's much less practiced out here in CA, but those who've done it loved it. </p>

<p>Maybe he's just being a senior though. I know I slacked off a bit during my 4th year of high school.</p>

10

<p>Does your son want the gap year? I don't think it will do much good if it is not something that he feels good about or motivated with -- he might just end up hanging around at home not doing much at all. My own son's time away from school has done him a world of good in terms of developing maturity and focus -- and unfortunately his "gap" time is coming after 2 years of college rather than before starting -- but I don't think he would have been able to make as much of his time at 18. College does at least offer some structure, in terms of dorm life and classes. Not the greatest structure in the world, but better than a year of unfocused, unplanned time -- or a year enrolled in some sort of program the kid feels ambivalent about.</p>

11

<p>All of this info is incredible!!</p>

<p>It doesn't sound that many of you think a gap year is advisable for my son. I used to worry that he wouldn't get into college but that is nothing compared
to my fears that he won't make it there. My husband is more laid back and is prepared to let him fail and then learn from his mistakes. I however would feel horrible about wasting all that money( I would have sent him to a state school but felt he would benefit from a small school environment).</p>

<p>I will try to have him take a hard and rather menial job this summmer(Last summer he was a camp counselor) and he will hopefully remember this when he thinks he can flunk out of college</p>

12

<p>If any of your friends does construction, that's a summer job that really teaches people why a college degree is a good thing to have.</p>

13

<p>My daugher also has ADHD, Like your son, she had great SATs, and reasonable but not fantastic grades. By all accounts she is a genius, but she has a great deal of difficulty focusing and communicating. Her grade point average fell dramatically in her senior year. She is also highly medicated, which is a separate concern of mine.</p>

<p>She is currently taking advantage of a gap year. It has been very beneficial, and she has certainly matured. </p>

<p>However, I, like you, am concerned that she is going to have a difficult time adjusting to college, since she has not been to school in a year.</p>

<p>Friends of mine suggested that I sign her up for classes in the local community college this summer, to get her acclimated again to going to school, before matriculating into her university in the fall. </p>

<p>On a side note, she plans to attend a very competitive and rigorous school in the fall. She is brilliant, and I can see why she was accepted into the school. But my heart tells me it is the wrong choice for her (even though its her dream school). I'm not sure she is going to be able to handle the pressure of this program.</p>

<p>Only time will tell .... And I've chosen not to worry about it. My attitude is that if this school proves to be too much for her, we'll find another school. I don't think a kid needs to be in an "elite" school or a pressure cooker environment in order to learn.</p>

<p>I want to add that this gap year has been very beneficial to me. I learned not to worry about her. She is 18, legally an adult. I offerred her my advice and guidance last year, but let her make her own decisions. She has rarely asked me for advice this year. Basically, the only thing she asks me for is money. I've learned to treat her like an adult and say no if I can't afford something. How truly liberating.</p>

<p>I will be there to support her and help her, and I love her. But I really believe that she needs to learn from life. No matter how much we love our children, we can't shield them forever. We can just be there for them is they ask for our support.</p>

14

<p>Someone gave my son who has ADD and other learning issues a book by some young men who were Brown students. It started out with their stories and how they came to be where they are and then outlined how they made it through college and tips.<br>
I can't find where he put it but I will keep looking to get you the name of the book.</p>

15

<p>Found the book under the bed.<br>
Learning outside the Lines by J. Mooney and David Cole
"Two Ivy League Students with learning disabilities and ADHD give you the tools for academic success and educational revolution"</p>

16

<p>catrina; My S went on a GAP year because he graduated from hs in November, but the GAP year didn't add to his understanding of College Life.</p>

<p>He had quite the learning curve his first semester at a large urban university but he got the hang of it by second semester--along with a number of his mates. Your S will have plenty of company as he tries to sort himself out.</p>

<p>Here are some tips:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Be prepared for a bit of a rollercoaster. My S calls when things are going wrong: stolen money, mono, strep, stranded at airports 7500 miles from home etc. We could do with a lot less drama but nevermind, his management skills are improving. We are grateful we didn't have to watch all the drama, minute by minute. :o</p></li>
<li><p>His competitiveness kicked in and jumpstarted his desire to get organized. He became well acquainted with his diary. Finally. After how many suggestions from mother? Keep up the steady but gentle suggestions but be prepared for a few head bangs as they walk right into the wall you forewarned was coming. (Don't worry. The bruising will subside).</p></li>
<li><p>Remember, the LAC has seen hundreds and hundreds of boys just like him. They invited him to attend and they are waiting for him. They are professionals. They put boys on the right track every day, brave souls. They have safety nets in place. He'd have to fall through a number of nets to fail completely--and by that time you'd have noticed and stepped in, right?</p></li>
<li><p>By the time he gets to graduate school he will be a superb student.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Good luck!</p>

17

<p>Again, thanks so much for all your excellent and insightful advice.</p>

<p>It is reassuring to realise that colleges have experience with these "works in progress'" boys.</p>

<p>I suppose a gap year will only make sense if he buys into it. I will discuss it with him and see what he says.</p>

<p>I appreciate any info reguarding how these kids do in college.</p>

18

<p>Catrina,
Hang on and believe in him. That's what he needs most. You, the person who knows his abilities. I suspect he has experienced his share of being misjudged as lazy and lacking in motivation. (Hopefully someday more research will result in better treatment and understanding within the teaching community.)
If he has faced the stigma and still has his self esteem in reasonably good shape, he's probably more ready than you think. He's continued to get those grades so he knows a good deal of what needs to be done to achieve that. Even though you've been pushing him along, he's had to follow some methods and strategies though obviously not in the way a parent would like to see. Those strategies are in there and he'll have to do some work at putting together whatever type of system works for him when he's on his own. To worry as you are makes perfect sense; what else would a mother do that has watched this for years. Perhaps the situation might be he will crash (sorry, struggle) for the first semester, and as he figures out his own system (with the underpinnings of your inexhaustible love and 'teaching'), he'll be the good student that he is now, but on his own!!
He has achieved as you said these good grades. Along with the struggle, I'm assuming he's gained strength of character. When you were pushing him, I suspect he was taking a breather from the difficulties of learning with ADD and then he would start again each time. A very good coping mechanism for many things in life.<br>
I may be way off and am aware the struggle continues, but I'd put my vote on he'll do very well, not inspite of, but because of the struggle and what you taught him when you thought he wasn't listening. Vested</p>

19

<p>Vested,
I can't thank you enough for your comments. I have many sleepless nights worrying about him and then other times I am suprisingly optimistic. I am riding his rollercoaster.</p>

<p>Part of the reason I am so entrenched in his school issues is that I have ADD
and suffered intensely in H.S..I barely graduated and then attended a small LAC. I graduated with honors and completed a masters degree at University of Chicago.</p>

<p>My son has alot more strenghths than I had(better family relations,sports,friends,).but I also never had a mother that was involved in my schoolwork.</p>

<p>It seems that you have experience with kids like my son and i appreciate your encouragement. Thanks</p>

20

<p>
[quote]
with the assumption that he has a 504 plan in place that will be implemented in college.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Don't assume that will happen; in fact it is unlikely. IEPs or 504 Plans are designed to cover students in elementary and secondary schools. Colleges have much different standards and procedures, and will nearly always require updated testing information that confirms a student does in fact have a cuurent learning disability. Plus the accomodations provided may be different than those provided in high school.</p>

<p>Take a look at this pamphlet:</p>

<p>Students with Disabilities Preparing for Postsecondary Education: Know Your Rights and Responsibilities</p>

<p><a href="http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>