I guess that means we’re dumb parents because we didn’t accept rent even when offered.
Fortunately our son and DIL were able to overcome our lack of intelligence and still saved to buy their own place. On this last visit they even showed off their thrift store acquisitions. Not one single watch or handbag among it, just some clothes and cooking items. Neither own a watch nor want one. They also have no debt and are saving to buy a car loan free - an Aptara - chosen due to its electric/solar power being “best” for the planet.
If only we had been wiser I’m sure they’d have turned out better…
ps I love being friends with my kids from their younger years and beyond. It’s a lot of fun being with them whether we’re working on chores, playing games, watching TV/movies, or going on walks/hikes. I can’t fathom having not having a close family TBH.
I generally agree with your sentiment. I am not a fan of pushing kids away in the name of teaching them indepndence, and at the same time bemoaning the fact that they ignore us as they get older. If they are productive in their jobs, they themselves want to move away in order to be more independent, closer to their work, reduced commute, privacy etc – even if you want them to stay with you.
I want them to be financially independent because that is so emotionally healthy for them, at the same time, stay close to them physically and emotionally, even if not in the same house.
The judgment on this page, while not surprising, is disappointing. I’ve been getting judged for my parenting choices my daughter’s entire life. Interestingly, for those who know us, it’s often out of jealousy. She’s an amazing young woman and we have an amazing mother-daughter relationship. I’ve had many parents tell me they are jealous of our bond.
While she lives at home rent-free, it hasn’t hindered her personal growth one bit. Assuming it does is ridiculous judgment. Living at home hasn’t hindered her social life either. She has a long-term bf who is basically part of the family, enjoys spending time at our house and doing stuff as a family, and she hangs out with friends and colleagues at places young people hang out. She also travels to visit college friends. On top of all that, she gets to save and invest aggressively. It works for us.
My kids have told me many of their friends are jealous of the relationship our family has, and had, throughout their years. It’s definitely more of a close team working and doing things together than anything else I can think of.
Not sure why you feel judged. I think we are all for strong family bonds. As noted above, in some cases, that can be misused to result in weak peer bonds or behavior that is ultimately self-defeating for some young adults, but it certainly does not have to; different situations will yield different results. Just as there are people who stay home for college, some have good reasons to remain home after college. Different strokes for different folks.
But the title of this thread dealt with luxury purchases by Gen Z, not all of whom have 6 figure jobs upon graduation ( see other thread) and thus it is reasonable to inquire as to the source of high discretionary income for this group.
Kids get done with college around 22 or 23 and they come in all shapes and sizes. Some don’t know the value of money and still spend basically whatever they have in their bank account or run up credit cards. Some don’t like spending their own money and are always worried about having enough. And some are in between.
Some can’t fathom coming back to their childhood home and living under rules or at least being accountable to someone after 4 years of freedom. Others don’t mind it that much.
Based on your own child you are probably doing what is best. Let’s face it most kids that have parents on this board will do great and be fine members of society. Just by finding this board and contributing here you are taking an active role in your child.
Do my kids spend some of their money on things I don’t agree with sure are they life changing items no.
I’ve worked in school for over two decades and seen all sorts of parenting. There is no single correct answer for what works to produce great adults. Kicking them out of the house at X age is more wrong than right from my experience, but it’s not always wrong either. Sink or swim can easily lead to drownings. Teaching how to swim is better, but it doesn’t always work either, and of course, there are different teaching styles.
Spending money on luxury items when they don’t have it isn’t limited to age or parenting style. I recall decades ago when a family member tried to help her daughter pay some of her bills. That person was living by herself (with her son) in her early 30s and had been mentioning how she was overdue with her electric bill. For Christmas they sent her a check that would cover it and some more. What did she get? Diamond earrings. Her reasoning? “I need something good for myself, you know.” I’m not sure she ever wore those earrings. If she did, I never saw them.
I don’t blame the parents for her lack of finance ability. The gal is college educated and quite intelligent and left home after high school, as am/did I. She’s just never been able to figure it out even when led step by step by her parents or various “financial help” groups. She’s not the only one out there even if the writer thinks it’s something new happening.
I’m glad the high school where I work now has a Personal Finance course required for graduation. All students at least learn the basics of debt, budgets, investments, and more. It doesn’t mean all will be wise, but it won’t be for lack of anyone teaching them the basics.
As others have mentioned, it’s perfectly normal for cultures to have generations living together. It’s not even related to having sex. It’s helping to save money coupled with enjoying the companionship of each other through chores and fun. Why spend extra on that if one doesn’t have to? It makes no sense at all to me.
I hope the day never comes when I no longer want my kids around or vice versa. We all have our own places now in our own section of the planet, but we still do longish visits and trips with each other at times. Youngest and his wife just spent a little over a month with us and I was sorry to see them go this morning. I look forward to spending 6 weeks or so with them in a couple more months in their section of the world.
Since we’re getting older I’ve had talks with a couple of my boys letting them know my thoughts regarding if H dies and I’m alone. It makes me feel really good to hear them say I’m welcome to stay with them. Both my sons and their wives/fiancees say that. Our bond isn’t just one sided. We truly enjoy being together.
Someone else mentioned “rules” in the parent house. What rules? We didn’t even have rules back in high school. We had some agreements that we all contributed to, esp since we only have one bathroom, but no rules set down by the parents that the kids chafed about. Ok, I might have had one. No snakes were ever welcome in my house… In general, common sense prevailed.
I saw that same thing in the 1970’s in my small home town. The kids who didn’t go to college got jobs, lived at home and bought sportscars, took luxury vacations, etc.
No doubt adults of all ages make financial mistakes. But since the topic of this thread is a major bank noting an increase among Gen Z in luxury purchases, I don’t think that is relevant.
For many people it makes sense to save money and stay home for college. For many, it makes sense to stay home after college to save money. Obviously , there are tradeoffs to both decisions. For some, the extra $ for residential college experience is valued. For some, the $ for a young adult apartment experience is worth it. Others save that money for other purposes-neither choice is wrong, but something is lost and gained in either trade-off.
It really has nothing to do with wanting/not wanting kids around, so please dont impose that. I would love to have my kids around more, but I love even more their joy at their current living arrangements and their not needing the extra 25k dollars they spend on rent.
Mine all went away to college in different states. This has nothing at all to do with that IMO.
And yes, I’m also happy that mine have created their own nests in their own sections of the planet too. It also has nothing to do with that.
Money sense isn’t really related to any of it IME.
(Some) kids spending on anything from Pet Rocks in the past to various luxuries now depends upon how much they’re into fads and materialist types of things, not so much other aspects of life. If more are doing it now it’s likely due to various influencers they follow and perhaps that they weren’t raised knowing there are other ways to live life. I’m not so sure more are doing it now than in the “Good Old Days” though. What they choose to spend on varies by age. That’s part of the definition of fad I think.
Perhaps is italicized because many could have been raised differently, but trend more toward following peers than parents - something quite typical for the age, and something that’s been typical for the age since human history has been written down.
The article is talking about how wealthy brands are reaching a younger market. I’m sure their reasoning is plausible.
What (some) people are then assuming in this thread is that essentially everyone of Gen Z living with their parents is taking their savings and suddenly buying expensive watches, wasting their money because they haven’t figured out adulting. That’s far from the truth IME.
Perhaps it’s true with a bit of the demographics on CC. I often feel like I’m the exchange student from the more average population and an average high school.
And after reading it, I’m thinking, “Eh, who cares?” I really don’t care if a bunch of adults want to sponge off of their parents forever and then spend their extra $$ on luxury watches. It’s a free country…people are free to spend their money however they want. I also don’t really care WHY they’re spending their money on luxury goods. Would I choose to spend my money on luxury goods? No. Instead of a Cartier watch, I’d rather have extra money in my 401k and some money to go to Disney World or Disneyland.
It’s all about choices.
My sister (who’s Gen X, btw) has a HS friend who went away to college and then moved back home after college and has been living with her parents ever since. Her HS friend has a LOT of disposable income, of course, due to no rent or anything. The HS friend’s parents have commented many times over the years about wanting their DD to move out, but never forced the issue. Now her friend is, like 48 years old and still lives with Mom & Dad. And has no plans to ever move. My sister & I think it’s kind of nutty, frankly. Her HS friend has never gotten married, and there’s no romantic interests on the horizon either.
What I really care about is MY kids’ ability to support themselves when DH & I are dead and gone. The Bank of Mom and Dad isn’t going to be open for business forever and our kids need a way of supporting themselves and being self sufficient. Being self sufficient is the end goal. We’ve told our kids that. That’s what’s driven us enrolling them in the school they’re in now. It’s why I made D24 read a personal finance book last summer. It’s why I’m going to have D26 read one NEXT summer. Self sufficiency and knowledge about personal finance, how to make tough choices with your limited options, how to weigh pros & cons of your financial decisions, etc.
…so that when you ARE an adult, if you want to blow your extra money on Cartier watches and $1000 sneakers, hey, go for it. But make sure that you have a roof over your head, food in your fridge, some money in your bank account, and a job to pay for it all first.
Of course, when the parents get old, there is a greater likelihood that they will acquire disabilities and need caregiving from their adult kid who lives with them…
I doubt that my daughter will be here till 48, trust me, before the year is over, she either drives us crazy, or we drive her crazy, let’s see who’s going bonkers first. She’s going through my fridge and throwing things that are outdated. She’s a food police, lol.
So true! I had a co-worker who used to commute up to 2 hours from the Inland Empire (the area that is inland from Los Angeles and has lower housing costs, but isn’t considered as desirable) where she and her husband bought a house because it was cheaper. The long commute was starting to get to be too much and they were spending so much on gas and car upkeep, so they decided to move closer and rent. They are much happier. Sometimes it’s worth it to rent if you get to live in an area with higher salaries or live closer to your job, but of course that does depend on your situation.
Good point! I do want my kids to learn how to be financially independent too. The reason for that is: we can’t afford to subsidize our kids forever. They do need to get a job and support themselves.
Every household has rules. Getting to live at home after college is a privilege. My D lived with us after college, she had to help out with chores, contribute a small amount of rent (way below market rates), and just being a friendly part of the household. If she was living at home and blowing all her money on luxury goods, then we would probably have to have a talk.
I just realized that not only are our college graduates still on our phone plan, they have our EZPass’s in their cars. It’s so easy to forget about these things. No wonder I keep getting g emails that my deposit keeps increasing, they drive a lot! We have 5 all together and have no idea what our usernames of passwords are at this point.
