^That’s true.
I imagine if you take somebody with a lack of education regarding this whole situation and then place them in housing where they are forced to deal with a social issue they haven’t dealt with before they might take drastic action which would present a safety issue for the non-cis person.
If parents respond to their kid feeling uncomfortable the same way they respond to someone on the internet suggesting that some kids could feel uncomfortable, then yes, I believe the kids would feel uncomfortable telling their parents.
As I said before, regardless about what the article does or does not say, one needs to realize that the article was written by a HS student. I think events of the past year should have taught us, if we did not know already, that something is not accurate just because it is in print (or on TV, etc.) As brilliant as some of these students are at Andover, none of them has a Pulitzer Prize for journalism. So if anyone wants to verify what the reality is this year vs. what the reality will be next year, as @ChoatieMom said earlier, feel free to contact the Dean of Students and Residential Life to clarify and answer your questions. And if anyone does so, feel free to report back here; we’d love to hear what she said.
So I will now assume that any discussion parsing the article has ended.
You might like to read this. https://www.bustle.com/p/science-teacher-grace-pokelas-viral-facebook-post-explains-exactly-why-this-transphobic-meme-is-wrong-on-so-many-levels-42843
I can’t read this whole thread, so I’m probably jumping into the wrong parr of the discussion (but that never stopped me before!). I’m partially but not entirely PC about these matters; my daughter is appalled when I suggest that for some teens, gender questioning is just one of the culturally current ways to express adolescent angst and many of these kids will eventually settle down and live conventional heterosexual or homosexual lives. But in this case I have to think the best solution is for everyone to feel comfortable and at home in any dorm. Instead of separating a group who are made to feel uncomfortable or around whom others feel uncomfortable, educate the others to be more accepting and understanding and keep a watchful eye on all.
I imagine that in some cases you’re probably right. I’m sure that for some people, it’s a push back against traditional gender norms relating to femininity and masculinity.
However I would push back against your statement because it has no supporting evidence. It’s hard to make blanket statements about who follows through with their teenage confusions and who doesn’t. Which is why it leads me to agree with your last part about how the best course of action is simply to educate.
@stargirl3 I have an advanced degree in a natural science so I am fully aware of all the different genetic anomalies that can occur in the human species and others. The article you linked to quotes extensively from a lesbian activist who also happens to be a school science teacher and is intended to debunk some meme I’ve never seen. Regardless, science does not agree that a boy is a girl because they think they are, which is what I was responding to.
Well that just gets into the whole issue of sex vs gender which is really not the purpose of this thread lol.
“…gender questioning is just one of the culturally current ways to express adolescent angst and many of these kids will eventually settle down and live conventional heterosexual or homosexual lives.”
What exactly do you mean by this?
@philbegas agreed.
@cababe97 Imagine for example, somebody is biologically a male, born into a family with extremely strict gender rules. The man is macho, never cries, makes all the money. The woman is just a vessel for having children, stays at home, incredibly dramatic and emotional, etc.
Now imagine the kid hates this, but because he has been raised in an intensely binary system, he finds himself identifying more with the stereotype of being female. Maybe he feels a lot of emotion but he gets beat by his macho dad everytime he dares shed a tear. Maybe he prefers wearing very tight clothing and having long hair. Maybe this male child will explore things other than the traditional gender roles. Maybe that means bi/homo-sexuality, maybe that means wanting to be a woman because he worries he will never be accepted as a man.
Fast forward to when this person gets to a college and realizes that maybe they don’t have to live under a binary system and they can simply be somewhere on the spectrum. They have the freedom to identify with the sex they were assigned as birth but they simply want to act more feminine, and that’s ok. This same person might realize there’s no need to go to the extreme and have reassignment surgery, take hormones, etc.
I can feel this to a certain extent. My stepdad was from an older generation (born in 1942) and he was a wannabe macho jerk cowboy who hated that I was nothing like him. I talked about my feelings, cried if I was in emotional pain, and wore skinny-ish jeans, grew my hair out somewhat long, etc. At my emotional and hormonal age of 13/14 I entertained the idea of pretending to come out as gay because I knew it would really really bother his bigoted side. Was it ill-informed and messed up of me to think that? Definitely, but other people might do the same.
@Korab1 Are you familiar with “The Legend of Trigglypuff?” A prep school parent directed me there recently. It’s not very nice and there is a little bit of bad language.
My ancient ( 95 ) confirmed and lifelong " bachelor" Uncle put it best not so long ago when he said, “This is all new and the people out there championing all these things need to give others time to wrap their heads around it. I fear the goodwill that has been gained will be completely lost due to reckless haste, youthful impatience and a militant posture.” He added, "It just makes everyone look bad and seem so intolerant and dumb ".
In fairness, we were talking about the lunatics running the asylum at a particular Ivy ( husband, K1 and his school ) but his words really resonated with me because he’s right! Here is a guy who 1) Decorated Veteran 2) Became a world class lawyer- practiced until he was 85! 3) Gay ( obviously ) but very private and conservative 4) lived a pretty remarkable and dignified life- all on his terms and he’s still going strong with his companion ( his term ) of 25 years- who we love.
This thread reminds me of that particular day and conversation.
There’s no doubt that these two schools will do a great job- but my fear is that the very people out in front championing this will continue to taunt people who just need a little more time to think, digest and adjust. I don’t think giving people time , or a pass occasionally is an awful lot to ask. Respect is a two-way street - you know? Where does hammering someone get you?
Precisely my dear Uncle’s point.
In other words- You’re not going to win people over by taunting them or posting memes. The fine people out there championing these important issues need to up their game and maybe borrow a self -awareness chip on occasion. I think that would be really refreshing. Otherwise, what could be a really compelling argument for something comes off as intellectually lazy, scripted and smug.
Why do I feel like saying, Have a nice day? 
@PhotographerMom Well said.
@cababe97: @philbegas covered some of it.
- I don’t doubt that, in any era, there are a few people who do not and cannot fit any gender convention and suffer for it. More education and compassion all around could only help them.
^^ Well, who on this thread are more aggressive and incendiary, those who are 'for" or “against” the gender inclusive dorm initiative? And do we know that there’s a strong push back or an appeal for “time to think, digest…” from the school communities of Andover and Exeter? To me, no matter how much time there is to “digest”, posters like center won’t like the idea anyways. I can certainly see that it could be painful to some people. We have all been in that shoe when something we don’t like/hate happens in the world we live in when we really didn’t approve/vote for it.
My keyboard is acting funny.
2) The broader the range of what is considered normal for either gender, by society, or - more crucially - by the individual in question, the less the individual will bump up against perceived boundaries and the less “questioning” - and suffering - will result.
3) In every time period, the zeitgeist causes some adolescents to express their general confusion during a confusing part of life in characteristic ways that adolescents of another time period would not use. For our time, gender identity is one of those ways.
“3) In every time period, the zeitgeist causes some adolescents to express their general confusion during a confusing part of life in characteristic ways that adolescents of another time period would not use. For our time, gender identity is one of those ways”
In my (limited) experience, gender identity is often not a matter of expressing a confusing part of adolescents but rather gender identity (regardless of what’s on the birth certificate) is pervasive throughout childhood.
I still think a big part of the problem is having internalized too narrow a view of gender roles (and a narrow “binary” view may be a normal part of childhood development, as children try to categorize their world). But this isn’t really my area of expertise, so I will bow out of the discussion.
Dorms are just dorms