General questions for Wellesleyans

[13lia1]

<p>Wellesley has been on my radar of "ideal schools" for a while, but it's only been recently that I've started to really fall for Wellesley - the more I learn about the school the more I love about it!</p>

<p>For instance, I love the fact that Wellesley is populated with so many independent, highly intelligent and fiercely passionate women - I really feel that I'll be able to flourish in and learn from this environment. I'm not a big party-er, so I LOVE that Wellesley is rather academically focused rather than socially focused, and I really appreciate the resources that Wellesley provides its students with in terms of their academic work.</p>

<p>I'm almost ready to commit to ED for Wellesley, but before that I have just a few questions...</p>

<p>(1) The thing that worries me most about Wellesley is that the environment seems quite insular - Boston seems quite far away from campus and I'm wondering whether this would make it hard to get away / make male friends etc.? I also value outside the classroom learning and so worry that Wellesley might be too "coddling" of an experience for me.</p>

<p>(2) Wellesley advertises a close relationship with MIT, but how much of that is true? If it takes 45-60 min to get to Boston, how plausible are cross-registration policies in reality and how much will I be able to take advantage of this policy?</p>

<p>(3) The "Wendy Wellesley" stereotype has been touted quite frequently both on CC and on other forums - how accurate is this stereotype and is the environment at Wellesley honestly that cut-throat competitive? I've heard that Wellesley has had mental health related problems in the past: What resources are available for struggling students?</p>

<p>(4) I know this gets asked a lot (but just for fun) - relationships are by no means my priority when it comes to college but it's nice to know I have the option of romance if I want it. To Wellesleyans who have sustained successful relationships with students from other schools - did the added distance add a lot of extra stress or was the relationship fairly manageable?</p>

<p>Thanks all! Perhaps in a year I too will be able to call myself a Wellesleyan! :)</p>

[13lia1]

<p>Also, one more thing - I’ve heard many times that Wellesley’s social scene is “different” to that of a more traditional collegiate experience - would anyone be willing to share their impressions on what Wellesley’s social scene is like (outside of parties), how students hang out and relax, how to meet a variety of new people etc.?</p>

[UnhappyWendy]

<p>I have never posted here before, but feel compelled because this student is asking questions about some of the aspects of Wellesley that really disappointed me my first year. Full disclosure: I was very unhappy and had hoped to transfer, but was not accepted to the school of my choice. I am returning to Wellesley in the hopes that I can reapply to transfer, or miraculously fall in love with Wellesley.</p>

<p>To be fair, there are many students who love Wellesley. I am not one of them. When I spoke to professors and deans about transferring, I was repeatedly told, “Wellesley is not for everyone.” Some love it, some hate it and try to leave, but there are also many unhappy students who simply endure it. There are quite a few students who admit that they are here because they didn’t get into an Ivy league school and hope that a Wellesley degree will get them into an Ivy grad program. I am not one of them.</p>

<p>I came because I was drawn to the academic rigor, didn’t want a “party school,” liked the campus and its proximity to Boston, and I bought into the concept of the benefits of attending an all women’s college. But I sometimes wonder: would Hillary Rodham Clinton or Madeline Albright still choose to attend an all women’s college if they also had the opportunity to attend the many strong academic institutions that became co-ed after they chose Wellesley?</p>

<p>Here are my responses to your questions.</p>

<p>1) Insular Environment: Before I started at Wellesley, I loved the idea of traveling to Boston to explore the city and socialize, but it’s a long trip, realistically about 2 hours roundtrip. And, unless you know someone at a Boston school, it’s not easy to just “find a party.” If you do meet someone, it’s more difficult to begin/maintain a relationship. </p>

<p>2) Cross Registration: As wide-eyed HS senior, I was interested in this, but the reality is, I really don’t have the time or interest to “commute” to another campus. I did not cross register and have not had a male student in class. A couple of times I thought I did, but there are quite a few Transmen attending Wellesley.</p>

<p>3) Competition/Mental Health: There are many extremely competitive students on campus; lots of ivy-league-wannabes, pre-med students, and quite a high percentage of students who come from cultures that are widely acknowledged to be fiercely competitive academically. </p>

<p>You know it’s bad when staff at the Stone Counseling Center say “it’s like the students compete to see who is the most stressed out.” The Stone Center is well-used, but short-staffed. They are very aware of the high stress levels, and they take mental health issues very seriously. “The Wellesley News” Police Blotter reported at least two students being transported to the hospital last semester after “well-being checks.”</p>

<p>I personally think the school is introducing Shadow Grades because first year students are so stressed out.</p>

<p>4) Relationships: I found it extremely difficult to meet anyone and develop a relationship while attending an MIT frat party. That’s just not my style. I prefer to get to know someone platonically before jumping into a romantic relationship; and that’s kind of hard if you are a heterosexual attending an all women college. Yes, I expected that at Wellesley, and I planned to focus on academics and hoped to enjoy the Wellesley “sisterhood” (but quickly learned to call it “siblinghood”).</p>

<p>5) Social scene: In my experience, it is nothing like a traditional collegiate experience. It is extremely “different.” Many students are “all work, and no play.” The overall mood at Wellesley is much less friendly/social than friends’ campuses that I’ve visited. And, there’s no such thing as a “freshman” dorm. There were only a handful of first year students on my floor, and most of the older students were disinterested or completely unfriendly. That makes it challenging to make friends at the beginning.</p>

<p>Hopefully, you realize that some of the social events you might read about here like the “Munger Mash” and the “Dyke Ball” are really old posts because these are no longer huge events. To be fair, some of the Spring traditions like hoop rolling and the Boston Marathon are awesome, but what about the rest of the year? There just aren’t many opportunities to socialize on campus unless you are involved in one of the cultural groups. According to the Wellesley website: “Cultural Groups is by far the largest category when it comes to student organizations at Wellesley.”</p>

<p>I grew up in a community that is very diverse ethnically, culturally and socio-economically, and the diversity at Wellesley appealed to me. However, I was surprised (and disturbed) to discover how segregated some of the campus events feel because many are organized by cultural groups like the Asian Student Union, LGBTQ, Mezcla, or Korean Student Association. While they say “everyone is welcome,” that’s not what happens. </p>

<p>I know I’m probably going to be slammed by students who love the school, but I am being honest. I don’t love it here. It’s “not for everyone.” I found many of the negative stereotypes to be quite true. </p>

<p>If you come for the “highly regarded academics,” you will be pleased in that respect, but you might be disappointed by the lack of opportunities to socialize. And, you might find yourself in good company with many other students who are contemplating transfer applications, stalking college confidential transfer sites, or skimming through study abroad websites in the hopes of finding a more tradition experience. </p>

<p>If you really want to apply ED, I strongly suggest that you visit the campus, stay overnight and try to talk to as many students as you can. Good luck!</p>

[13lia1]

<p>@UnhappyWendy Thank you for such a long and detailed post! I hope you don’t mind if I respond to some of your answers in turn - truth be told, I’m an international student and probably will not get a chance to visit Wellesley’s campus before I decide, which is rather scary but there you go, that’s life.</p>

<p>(1) I’ve always been concerned about the length of the ride from Wellesley to Boston - There seems to be a very long bus ride out of campus, which sounds a little finicky to deal with. I actually study pretty well on moving transportation (just a quirk of mine I guess…) which will hopefully whittle the time away. Is it possible to get to town say once a week? (i.e. are there students who can afford to do this and not collapse?) I’ve been looking at many of Wellesley’s extra curricular clubs - I think IF I go there my plan will be to join clubs that give me access to other schools / students. I definitely don’t mind socialising with women but I’ll try to shake it up too!</p>

<p>(2) I do hope the shadow grading policy will make things a little easier for first years. Are there NO friendly / non-competitive students on campus though? I don’t mind SOME competition - I think it would be good to spur me on a little. Would you describe this competitive vibe as being particularly malevolent or ill-willed? If many people at Wellesley feel constantly stressed and pressured by classmates then I might have to reconsider… I’ve talked to several friends at Wellesley currently about this and I’m still not sure.</p>

<p>(3) How IS the siblinghood at Wellesley? One of the strongest reasons why I’m applying is so I can be within a very strong community, and I’m wondering how tight the bond actually is on campus? I guess relationship problems tie into the social aspects of Wellesley. I’m NOT a big partyer, I can’t really see myself enjoying too many MIT frat parties, and yes it would be nice to know people in person before dating them! (Yeah I’m also heterosexual.) Given those requirements, do you know of any Wellesleyans who have managed to get around the dating barrier successfully, and are they happy with their current relationships? (Sorry for the intrusive questions, but I’d love to get a better feel for this school)</p>

<p>(4) On diversity - My community is nowhere as near diverse as Wellesley, and I would LOVE to experience a more diverse environment in Wellesley. Does student activity generally tend to segregate amongst lines of race / sexual orientation? I mean, do students tend to have friendship groups that are filled with different kinds of people? I understand that there will probably be race / orientation specific events taking place (I imagine this would happen at most schools) - does this truly form the social backbone of the school though? I would hope not!</p>

<p>Thank you so much again for taking the time to answer all these questions. I truly hope your collegiate experience is successful for you. If you do stay in Wellesley I hope you will fall in love with the school once again - if not best of luck with finding a school that matches you! Good luck with achieving all your aspirations!</p>

[13lia1]

<p>Aargh sorry final question I forgot to ask: College for me is a lot about growing up (which is why I find it important to go to Boston, participate in activities, etc.) I know I have summer breaks with which I can broaden my experience of the world, but on a day to day basis on campus, will Wellesley feel too closeting for me to get any “real life experience”? (By that I’m primarily concerned with getting a taste of different walks of life, finding work to do around and on campus, etc.) I’m fully aware that I haven’t exactly had a difficult childhood or a rather broad experience of the world. I think I’m starting to appreciate the value of “street smarts” more in life, whereas some people have described Wellesley as a place to go when you’re not ready to leave the nest… Will this be a problem in Wellesley and how have other students dealt with this?</p>

<p>Thank you again!</p>

[UnhappyWendy]

<p>Response to post #3</p>

<p>Please keep in mind, this is just my opinion. I wish others would give their perspective, but most students are probably not on CC. I am because I am still thinking about transferring. So obviously, my perspective is not very positive.</p>

<p>(1) Travel to Boston: Plenty of students travel into Boston 1-2 times a week. Keep in mind, regardless of how many off-campus classes you take, acapella groups you join, or frat parties you attend, you are attending Wellesley, not MIT. Some days, you see as many students here wearing sweatshirts emblazoned with MIT and Harvard as Wellesley.</p>

<p>Alternatively, you can walk to the town of Wellesley. There’s not a lot to do there, but there are a bunch of places for coffee, ice cream, pizza or bagels. I rode my bike there often, whenever I craved normal social interactions, or felt the need to get away from campus. It can get claustrophobic here.</p>

<p>(2) Competition: There are no slackers here. Every student is extremely motivated to do well academically. No, not every student is cut-throat-competitive, but if you say you are tired because you were up till 2 am studying for a test someone will quickly say, “I was up till 4,” and another will say,“I was up all night, two tests and a paper…” Some of my classmates were great, supportive and would study together, others not-so-much. They’d arrive to class with their eyes glued to their phones, earbuds in, and would not socialize with other students.</p>

<p>The grade deflation policy just takes the competition up a notch. Everyone is used to working hard, and automatically getting an “A” for solid work. Now there are a only limited number of “A” grades available, so the pressure is on. You not only need to do “A” work, you need to do it better than most everyone else, if you want that “A.”</p>

<p>(3) Social/siblinghood at Wellesley? </p>

<p>Social: I am just surprised by how quiet the campus is. It can be more lively on special events, but on a typical day, the mood is quite somber. It just isn’t as relaxed, accepting and friendly as I expected. I am very serious about academics, but when I’m not studying, I like to relax and have fun. If you want to socialize at Wellesley, you can but you need to put some effort into it, and will probably need to travel off campus to find a party.</p>

<p>My roommate last year would only leave the room to attend class and eat. She studied at her desk late into the night and barely slept. I’m guessing she was pretty happy here.</p>

<p>Dating: I know a couple of girls who dated males from other schools, but nothing long-term. </p>

<p>Siblinghood: I arrived on the campus very “rah, rah sisterhood,” and was quickly admonished and told that there is no “sisterhood,” its a “siblinghood” now. I never thought about it that way, and felt badly that the phrase might offend some students. But I was conflicted: isn’t Wellesley a women’s college? Aren’t we part of the Seven Sisters schools?</p>

<p>On the other hand, I think that transmen are very much a part of our community. And, then I heard about a student who was rejected by Smith because she is a transwoman. That seems completely wrong. How could a women’s college discriminate against a woman? The transgender issue made me reconsider how I feel about women’s colleges, and I’ve grown disillusioned by the concept. Decades ago, women fought for and won the right to attend previously-all-male schools, so how can Wellesley or any other school deny access based on sex, especially an antiquated definition of “sex”?</p>

<p>4) Diversity: Yes, some students (myself included) absolutely have friends from different races, religions, sexual orientations, etc. That’s what I am used to, and probably why I found it disconcerting to see so many students flocking to the Cultural Groups. (Many campus events are run by these clubs, but not all. But there really aren’t many big, fun campus-wide events in general.)</p>

<p>Since Wellesley has such a diverse student body, I expected that we would celebrate what we have in common, our sisterhood, rather than divide ourselves into clubs that essentially segregate. I “could” join one, but chose not to. A Caucasian girl from my orientation group joked about starting her own club, and a couple of students turned on her and basically called her a racist. It was a joke, lighten up. Be prepared for that; it happens often.</p>

<p>5) Final question re: growing up: There is some truth to the “Wellesley Bubble.” There is some coddling, and I hate to admit it, but I really appreciated and needed it last year. Going away to school was a huge adjustment for me. But, I do worry sometimes that being in such a nurturing environment isn’t quite preparing me for the real world.</p>

[my3girls]

<p>I’m a mom, so I can’t comment on some of your questions, but my D did go into Boston once a week during the fall semester, and she was off-campus weekly second semester playing with a non-Wellesley student band. On the question of are the students competitive and driven I’ve quizzed her a lot (my D is super laid back). She says no – she never discussed grades or test scores with other students. She never had the “I stayed up till 2”, “Well, I stayed up till 4” type conversation. I’m sure this varies with the group of friends you have and the major you are in, but she does not experience W as a cut-throat environment. OTOH, she got some Bs this year and was not particularly bothered by that result, so it may be her personality as well.</p>

[13lia1]

<p>@my3girls That’s good to hear! I imagine college is a lot about making your own experience work for you. Thank you for your response!</p>

[Massmomm]

<p>Chiming in as the mother of a sophomore here. First, I don’t think anyone should choose Wellesley if the main attraction is getting off campus to go to Boston. People who love Wellesley love it because of what W has to offer, not because of its connections to Boston/MIT, etc., although those connections are certainly valid.</p>

<p>My daughter’s social life revolves around the Wellesley community and the relationships she has there. She does go to Boston and Cambridge for fun, but the primary enjoyment for her is her friendships. When you are choosing a college, look for your people, and the experiences will follow.</p>

[13lia1]

<p>@Massmomm Yes of course! I like Wellesley for much more than just it’s proximity to Boston (if that was it I would have gone for a college in Boston). I would be more than happy to have tight relationships with other Wellesleyans (that’s part of the reason why I’ll be applying!) However, @UnhappyWendy honestly touches upon a lot of points about Wellesley I am concerned about right now. Of course as pointed out this is only one perspective - I’m trying to re-visualize what my Wellesley experience might be like, and I think I will need to think about this a little more. I wish I could visit before I apply! But alas life isn’t perfect and I’ll have to make a decision based on imperfect information… I’m still thinking about applying ED right now, and since deadlines are quickly approaching I will have to make up my mind fast…</p>

[college_query]

<p>Another Mom here, so this is my perspective on my D’s experience at Wellesley. She graduated a year ago.</p>

<p>My D met a guy from MIT the first week of school at a party at Wellesley. They started dating, and are still together over 5 years later. She would travel to MIT at least 1-2 times a week, and he would travel to Wellesley the same. She also worked in Boston in an off-campus job so would take the bus to work several days a week. She also took a class at MIT one semester. </p>

<p>Regarding the “Wendy Wellesley” stereotype - my D is by nature a type A, but I have to say being in an atmosphere of several others wired the same, she did learn to relax a little. She mainly puts pressure on herself. She made great friends at Wellesley and is still in contact with lots of them, post-graduation. </p>

<p>Hopefully you can determine if Wellesley is a good fit for you.</p>

[13lia1]

<p>@college_query Thank you so much for responding! The life your D lead at Wellesley is similar to what I think I might want at Wellesley: A quiet environment good for studying but also full of activities. It sounds like a wonderful idea to find off-campus employment to occasionally travel away from the bubble - sounds like your D had a great time!</p>

<p>I’m slightly type A as well, I can definitely relate to some of the things said here - and again it does sound like Wellesley is the right school for me right now.</p>

[maidenMom]

<p>I am also a mother - D is a junior now and abroad. She will count as a kid who needed at least one semester of a regular co-ed college - but hey, that is a very viable option and one that a large percent of the student body does. She is very involved - she is an athlete, has an on-campus job (she LOVES) and is a CS major which often brings her to other schools for functions - or other schools to them.</p>

<p>I know they go into Cambridge a fair amount for different things (parties, professional sporting events, concerts and to see friends) as well as the even closer Babson College. She says the bus is a pain, but they still do it.</p>

<p>I am going to share with you that (not her words) she is missing the outstanding quality of education the professors at Wellesley deliver… </p>

[Pizzagirl]

<p>I’ll take the opposite tack and say that while i think the education at W is top-notch and my D is delighted with her professors, it is not so simple to get to Boston / Cambridge / Harvard / MIT and meet boys, and that is a definite drawback to her. Maybe for a super-outgoing person it’s no big deal, but for an introverted person it’s a lot harder to commit to schlepping downtown to stand around some frat party and yell to be heard, versus a co-ed campus in which it’s a lot easier to find / interact with boys. </p>

[13lia1]

<p>@pizzagirl Hm interesting! I don’t think I’m especially introverted - I would loathe frat parties though! One of the reasons why I feel strongly about Wellesley is because its social scene seems relatively calm and suited to my taste. Does your D know if there are any other social opportunities in Boston / Cambridge / etc. to meet people?</p>

[NJSue]

<p>It’s hard to know what your social experience will be. I went to Wellesley in the 80s and had a boyfriend at MIT. I’m pretty introverted. My D has not had a similar experience (she is also abroad this year, like MaidenMom’s D). </p>

<p>My D got involved in a club sport that has really made a difference for her on-campus social life. She is much more involved in campus life than I was. In some ways her weekday experience is better than mine was. I also went abroad junior year, and that effectively destroyed the relationship with the boyfriend, although I don’t regret that decision in the least.</p>

<p>It’s hard to have a conventional college experience at Wellesley. That’s not what it offers. So you have to know yourself.</p>

[intparent]

<p>OP, to me you sound like you have enough doubts/areas of concern that you should NOT apply ED. Apply RD, and if you get in, go to accepted student days at your top few choices.</p>

[13lia1]

<p>@NJSue I definitely am not looking for the conventional college experience - that’s one of the biggest reasons why I’m currently attracted to Wellesley. I’m not a big party-er, but on the other hand I fear being too closeted and too isolated from the outside world - I definitely would like to try new things and meet lots of new people in college as well!</p>

<p>I’m not very sporty, but I do a lot of extra curricular activities right now, and I’ll definitely try and be part of an ECA community if I go to Wellesley, and I would like to get to know people from other schools, as well as the surrounding Boston area. My biggest concern is: will the campus be TOO quiet and TOO isolating for my entire time there, or will I still be able to experience community activities and new activities during my time there? If not… I will start looking more seriously at my other options.</p>

[13lia1]

<p>@intparent I’m honestly not sure what to do right now! I think I’ll have to research my other schools a lot more thoroughly in the next few days just to make sure what my options are!</p>

[intparent]

<p>ED is binding and you clearly aren’t sure. Apply to a range of schools (including Wellesley) and make up your mind once you have admissions in hand. Don’t be panicked into applying ED if you are not rock solid certain, which you clearly are not. Forget what others around you are doing – just because a lot of your fellow students are going ED to some schools does not mean you have to! (And I say this as the parent of a D who did not apply ED anyplace two years ago, and got in everyplace she applied, including U of Chicago, Swarthmore, Harvey Mudd, and 5 other schools). You should strongly consider an EA or rolling admission application someplace (or two) – it takes a lot of pressure off to get an admission in hand, even if it is not to a favorite school. But it seems like you have a lot of (valid for you, I think) doubts about Wellesley to commit ED.</p>

<p>We found accepted student visits to be quite revealing and helpful in the decision process, too. Although my D had visited every college on her list for a day visit prior to applying, and thought she knew her “ranking” of preference going into accepted student days, a full 24 hours on campus of her top 3 choices changed her mind. Her top 2 choices did not really shine in the accepted students process, and her 3rd choice rose to the top. She is now a very happy sophomore at what was her 3rd choice going into the visits. So… unless you are completely certain, don’t apply ED anyplace.</p>