Long story short, my parents are paying for my college.
I will be attending a state flagship college, so in-state costs apply. I have a few grants and scholarships that will also be applied, and am also an only child so that may take some part in it. I realize how fortunate I am that my parents are paying for my college and I am not taking it for granted whatsoever, nor am I telling people that my parents are paying (aside from here, of course).
I would also like to note that I have plans when I’m older to pay my parents back for all of my schooling as best as I can, but hopefully in full (they don’t know about said plans).
What sparked this question is my scrolling through a popular social media site. I saw a post about a girl on a rant about how people hate on her because her parents are paying for her because they saved up, and in the replies people were making comments saying that she can never be successful this way, that she won’t learn how the real world is, etc.
What are your thoughts on it?
On social media, the haters are gonna hate. It’s not at all unusual for parents to save and pay (at least partially) for college for their children. This will not keep someone from being successful or learning how the real world is.
My husband and I believed it was our responsibility to pay for our children to attend college, to the best of our ability. We ordered our financial lives in such a way that we could do so. This meant living in a smaller home, taking fewer vacations, driving older cars … that sort of thing … compared to what we could have done had we not put college first. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to save, and not everyone who could save chooses to save for that. It’s all a personal choice, and I won’t comment on others’ personal choices (although a lack of saving when you could have saved does not make me believe the family “deserves” to get financial aid … :))). We did what we did because we wanted to do it.
Flash forward: Our kids graduated in four years. They are on their own. They know all about the real world. My D is buying her first house, and she is purchasing a home that is less than what she theoretically could afford - because we taught her the value of money. My S is trying hard to land a job that pays more than he currently earns, so he can someday afford a home. The fact that we helped them by paying for college does not mean they don’t understand the value of money, can’t be successful, etc.
And they also are very well aware that they are very fortunate to NOT be saddled with debt. They have both thanked us for that, many times.
Some state flagship 4 yr schools are inexpensive with the right scholarships.
We planned and can afford to pay for our S’s college and hopefully most of his vet school. We gave up certain things to make sure we had the money to help our kids like our parents helped us. Our D has chosen not to accept our help. S really appreciates it. He got scholarships to make an OOS flagship the cost of an instate. We are happy to help him. He has already worked hard and has a good savings account he says he is saving up for his first car of a house downpayment some day. I’d like him to be able to save that money. We didn’t do it because he asked. It was our choice!
My youngest gets that sometimes, too. I work for a college. She got tuition exchange and an outside scholarship. She hears a lot of snide remarks like, “Some of us have to PAY for college.” We did pay…in my sweat equity. My employer is notoriously low paying, like starting salary new bachelor’s (and that’s after a quarter century with them!). Lots of people just aren’t willing to work for what I make. But who wants to explain all that? Shrug it off.
The underlying issue, I believe, is jealousy, and we can all fall victim. I know I sometimes do wrt retirement plans or health care for certain types of government workers.
I believe education is the best possible gift a parent can give their child and if they have the ability, they should pay. Mostly because if they have the ability, then there is a good chance that they’re not going to be able to go to college because it’s grossly expensive in this country.
I also believe the student should work and provide for their own day-to-day expenses.
On a broader level, I believe it is society’s job to ensure that we have a highly educated population and thus our public colleges and universities should be free to students, provided they meet certain expectations. That isn’t the reality that we live in though and so I stick by what I said at the top.
ETA: My parents didn’t pay for my college because they couldn’t. We were dirt poor. So I worked full time (cobbling together multiple part time jobs) while at school. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t bitter sometimes but I never thought my friends who didn’t have to pay were spoiled. They were fortunate. I was’t bitter ~at them~ I was just bitter about the situation. (Many of these people are still my best friends, several years after undergrad. I didn’t let it affect our relationship since it was my problem, not theirs.)
@lnicole
The best thing you can do…don’t talk about college finances and payment with anyone but your parents. It’s none of their business.
With the cost of college today, it is difficult for a student to get through entirely on his or her own, especially if the parents make too much for them to qualify for financial aid. If getting parental assistance with college is going to result in students not being successful or understanding the real world, then we have entire generations at risk! My husband and I paid for our daughter’s education (she earned a merit scholarship, but we paid for everything it didn’t cover). She did not have to work to earn money during the school year. In spite of that, she somehow graduated, got a job and is managing quite well in the real world. FWIW, I paid for college and law school on my own (with money I earned and federal student loans I repaid). However, I started college 40 years ago when it was possible to pay for it with a student loan and the earnings from minimum wage jobs. It’s a different world now. As @thumper1 said, it’s best to just not discuss it with others. No one needs to know how you’re financing your schooling.
We’re limping through college right now. One child has everything paid for through grants and scholarships except housing (which would be paid for if she lived in the dorm but she wanted to live off campus). She does that the subsidized loans for the housing. My great hope is that I will be able to pay those off when she graduates.
The other is also taking the full loans offered, working, begging her uncle for a little. I will help as much as I can with her loans too.
You are blessed! And be thankful! Your parents prepared for their future, and yours too. You have not only your parents, but your grandparents to thank too, for raising their children with the want to provide all funds for education. My folks expect for me to get through school only on my own checks, and with not a cent in debt, as their folks did. But hey, neither of my parents graduated so that has to say something about that kind of mindset. The sad thing is, both of my parents got near full-ride scholarships because it was rare to have African-Americans doing as well as they did at the time, and they still flunked. Just make sure your parent’s money goes well spent! It might be more of a burden on you to do well, but hey, that’s motivation for A’s.
“I realize how fortunate I am that my parents are paying for my college and I am not taking it for granted whatsoever”
University costs have increased enormously since I was in university to the point that it has become impractical for a student to pay their own way through university. I think as a parent that if my kids make economically and academically sensible choices for universities, then given that my wife and I are able to pay it is very reasonable and fair that we do pay and allow them to start life without debt.
It is indeed very fortunate for you that your parents are able to pay for your university. However, it sounds like you have made a very sensible and responsible choice in schools. In a sense you have already paid probably at least half the cost of university by a combination of choosing your state flagship plus earning a scholarship. Given the current prices, this is already a huge contribution on your part.
To me it sounds like you are being very reasonable about this and have nothing to be concerned about other than focusing on your studies and doing well plus choosing a major.
I agree with @thumper1, don’t talk about how you are financing university with anyone but your parents. Have some fun, work hard and keep ahead in classes. You will do well.
It’s really nobody’s business who pays for a student’s college. Nobody should judge another family’s value system. If parents want to and are able to save or in some other way, fund their child’s college, so be it.
I think it is sweet that you plan to pay your parents back but I bet they don’t want it. I hope to be paying for my children’s college and all I really want or need in return is to see them successful, happy, and to be a good son or daughter by helping me in my old age (God willing).
Thank you all so so much for your take on this as well as your wonderful advice. I really appreciate it! 
I definitely won’t be broadcasting that they are paying for it, my parents have told me the same thing.
Haters gonna hate. Shake it off.
I’ll be that they would prefer that you pay it forward to your own children. That’s what I would prefer my children do.
We just finished paying for S and D. S learned something about how the real world is when he spent a year with AmeriCorps. He’s now in grad school. D just got her first real job and has her own apartment. Define successful? I think they’re doing fine.