Geneseo Not What I Expected

College Search & Selection
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<p>Thank you all for your responses. </p>

<p>As to the essays, what blows my mind is that she is in AP English at her school. I have read her writing, and she seems to have organizational problems. She also is extremely shy, and has a very difficult time expressing an opinion. Don't get me wrong, when it comes to her parents, she has them. But she has difficulty otherwise. Totally unlike me!! I told her to come up with a boilerplate and tailer it to the question.</p>

<p>My daughter goes to a public high school. It's suburbia, but mostly blue collar. I am probably one of the only people with a higher degree. (Funny too, since I was raised in the inner city!) They pay for busses to give the kids tours at community colleges and expensive private schools in the area with low standards. She did not even know what the CSS profile is. In Freshman year, I wrote her a note asking her to contact me regarding my daughter's course selections, and I never heard a thing. We've had 3 principals in 4 years! Needless to say, I have been on her tail this week, and she will be filling out the common application counselor rec form because she now knows that I will incessantly call and write if she does not. She knows a) My child has always refused to use the last name that she was given at birth, even though it is on the official record. She signs all of her school items with my maiden name. b) His absence at her school may be noted. </p>

<p>Although I never went to court, I do have an attorney friend who is I have confided in over the years (since 2002). He said that he would write a letter that in all of the years, and that for as long as he has known me, I have maintained that the man was violent. He knows this because I have always been proud of how I turned my life around. He would state that it would put my child at risk to contact the bio father whom she has not seen since she was 5.</p>

<p>I have thought of going to court and getting an immediate name change. They typically require consent or that you publish a letter in the paper for 6 weeks if the location is unknown. But I see that you can ask to waive that if there is a danger. Maybe if I get the Court to agree to waive on the basis of danger, that would be sufficient. But I don't believe that this could be done in time. I am now also reluctant, now for professional reasons, to spill this dirty laundry to a Court. It would be embarrassing. </p>

<p>I know that it sounds evil, but I wish that the man would just drop dead. It blows my mind that a slutty and violent crack and alcohol abuser has lived this long.</p>

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<p>I sent you a PM</p>

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<p>"As to non-Suny's, I think that we would be happier with Haverford, Reed, Bates, and Grinnell."</p>

<p>Does she have a couple of safety small/private schools in the mix? Those schools seem like reaches for her, which is fine, but she might want to have a couple of matches in the mix that might award her nice merit money. </p>

<p>Also, there are lots of nice smallish schools that have strong music programs for a music minor that do not require the profile.</p>

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<p>I don't want to seem impertinent, but through all this thread you've never once mentioned what your daughter thought of Geneseo... or Binghamton... or any place else. How she reacted to the mold and chip wrappers, felt about the food selection or how she felt about the uphill climb (you should try the uphill trek at beautifully maintained Colgate).</p>

<p>You've told us she has a speech and hearing problem, is shy, should stay away from writing intensive schools. You stated that "we" planned on applying ED to Geneseo and mention other schools "you" considered.</p>

<p>Don't get me wrong, I spent a great deal of time helping my daughter choose amongst schools and pushed her into applying to a couple of safeties where she didn't even bother open the fat envelope when they came. And am now doing the same with my son.So I do not advocate a laissez faire or "they're on their own" approach to college selection.</p>

<p>I do, however, respectfully hope, that you are sometimes taking a back seat and listening to her input as to what she thought about those things, where she might want to go and what is important to her. Even if it is difficult for her to take this sort of initiative, that's part of what going to college should be about.</p>

<p>It may be too late for ED at many places, but there's still plenty of time to visit other SUNYs. Or places like Wells which is small nearby you, supportive and might well offer generous grants to a talented girl like your daughter. The others - even Stonybrook, are all within driving or Amtrak distance. Try to go and see what she thinks about them (as well as what you think!).</p>

<p>BTW, even schools who take the CSS and are seemingly adamant about including the other parent's income accept letters and explanations regarding an uncooperative or distant spouse. They will discourage it for obvious reasons, but it can be done.</p>

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<p>im attending geneseo in the spring after getting in through the deferred admission program...i applied early because i loved the school and still do....i loved it so much that i decided to wait it out and attend in the fall... i decided to attend stony brook for the fall semester..BIG MISTAKE! stony brook is a very depressing school...most of the people here are depressed and it shows..most people who attend either live close by, came here for financial reasons and didnt get into that ivy league school they were dying for...walk around the busy campus on a Wednesday afternoon and you'll notice a lot of sad faces looking down on the ground...50% of the students are commuters....about 10,000 people dorm here...however this place is a ghost town on the weekend...75% of the people go home!! take a tour here or come to open house and they will lie to you and say the weekends aren't dead....i cant wait for january already...i have friends there now and they say they love it....the reason why you noticed the campus was so dead b/c its true most college students sleep late... on a typical weekend i wake up at around 2 or 2:30...thats just the way it is...everyones very tired by the end of the week...</p>

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<p>Just a few notes on Geneseo..
Funny that you mentioned the fly problem there. My boyfriend goes there, and he says it's a huge problem--they had to shut down some of the dining halls because they were constantly flying around. Yuck.
I visited him at Geneseo and I thought it was a very nice campus. There were some nice older buildings and while some of the older dorms are not in that great of shape, the townhouses were beautiful. They're for the older students and you apply for them and are chosen based on how many credits you have, according to my bf.</p>

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<p>Thank you for your response. Now I guess this is a whole different rant, but as you can tell by my id, this has been hard.</p>

<p>The truth? My daughter has seemed totally unable to handle this process. She told me that she is too young to know what to do with her life. She is naive to the extreme. This whole thing seems to be paralyzing her. I asked her 2 months ago to begin working on her essay, and after much tears, something was produced this week. When she was scheduled for her SAT, I asked if she had her id. Her Id turned out to be a cutout picture of herself and her medical insurance card. So she was turned away. </p>

<p>When discussing possible majors, she gives a long list of what she won't do that seems to exclude everything. (I don't want to work with computers, do not want to work in a cubicle, do not want to deal with children, wants to travel, wants to be financially set, does not want a lot of essays, does not want to be responsible for high pressure decisions). </p>

<p>Admittedly, I came up with a list of possible schools. She heel dragged looking at it, agreed to some. Today I find out that one of her top choices has an EA deadline of tommorrow. But because she did not care to check these things out, I don't see how I can get an SAT or transcript there in time.</p>

<p>She like Geneseo, but when we sat there, she said "I'm never getting in here. Which the attitude stinks because her SATs are well within range, her average is a 90 while they are looking for a 92. She has been active with band and chorus since the 4th grade. One thing also to note is that she was obese her entire life, which I think also contributes to her shyness. But she lost 80 pounds and has kept it off a year. She participated in an athletic training camp against all boys and did not quit. I expect that she will get good letters of recommendation. It should also be noted that she lived in a home with a Dad that had cancer. I'll never forget finding her at age 12, feeding her brother cereal because her Dad and I were too tired to get up. She is a fantastic human being and much stronger than she knows. But her shyness prevented her for years from going out for leadership roles. Her unwillingness to wear an auditory trainer likely hurt her ability to do better in school. This will hurt her application. She needs to put forth effort in her essay and show an interest, but she wants to just bury her head in the sand. But she is only 16.... </p>

<p>I even suggested a gap year, but she looked at me like I grew two heads.</p>

<p>Honestly, I think that she feels that I am mommy and that she trusts me to pick out this place and get her through this process. I've ranted and raved, and the bottom line is that she will have to do the work when she gets there. But I have to make sure that she is going to be safe and somewhere where she can thrive away from us.</p>

<p>A big part of the problem is that she cannot cope with the thought of leaving her best friend (a boy), who certainly isn't putting anything on hold for her....</p>

<p>I think that she will literally leave her school crying. She's not looking forward to any of this. </p>

<p>We talked about my feelings about Geneseo, she agreed that the dorm was a turnoff, but thinks that she could deal with it.</p>

<p>I forgot to mention, aside from her "missed SAT", she has taken it twice. She raised her score quite a bit on her own, it is now a 1300/1600 (690 CR, 610 Math), which is very good for her school, and not bad for the nation. She is scheduled to take it again in Dec, but I don't see her cracking the books.... And because of her missed SAT and low scores the first time, she'd have to fit in Subject Tests in January if she wants to consider some of the selective privates.</p>

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<p>Maybe she'd like a women's college if she has self-esteem issues? You should try for the financial aid and explain your circumstances.</p>

<p>Or maybe she really doesn't want to go away from home and would be better off going to a college she can commute to. Not everyone needs to live away from home as a freshman.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
Today I find out that one of her top choices has an EA deadline of tommorrow. But because she did not care to check these things out, I don't see how I can get an SAT or transcript there in time.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I would try to get that app out! At some schools they don't care if the transcript (should be sent directly form hs) or SAT score (sent directly from CB) gets there by the EA date. It is the app. that usually needs to be postmarked by the due date. I could be wrong, you can call the school, but I think that it is still possible!</p>

<p>I also happen to think that most hs students are more like your DD, and most parents just won't admit it. I think that you are just honest and open about it. JMO. It is such a stressful time. I think that you are doing a wonderful job. BTW, I played secretary by making sure that everything was submitted on time, and then dialed around to make sure all schools received all pieces of the app. Sure enough one rolling school could not find my son's transcript, and I just know his hs sent it out. They had everything else, and our hs triple checks everything. It was not a problem. The GC just faxed it to the admissions office and made a phone a call to the college to make sure that it was received by the right person.</p>

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<p>Why don't your daughter and her boyfriend agree to go to the same college? That should solve the boyfriend problem.</p>

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<p>Noooooooooo.....don't go to school with the boy friend!!!!!</p>

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<p>LOL. Maybe they'd be good for each other. Your reaction made me laugh.</p>

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<p>you do seem to have a bunch of overwhelming issues to deal with. With some luck, things will look much clearer in April and everything will work out the way it is supposed to-<br>
but in the meantime- take advantage of the SUNY application. You can apply to multiple schools- but you will need to follow up with supplemental essays to the various schools
I believe both Plattsburg and Fredonia have good music departments
New Paltz is kinda artsy
go for Bing. and Geneseo as that seems to interest your d the most. I've always thought Oneonta is one of the nicest overall campuses. and don't forget ESF.</p>

<p>I always thought the SUNY colleges were a perfect size, mostly in the 5,000-8,000 range. so a shy kid may not feel overwhelmed at the colleges.(UB may be a bit too big ). Some kids feel most comfortable in going to the school in which they know some kids from HS. and that is ok too. Sometimes I think we expect too much from 17 year olds.</p>

<p>also - she may not want to be too far from home (I don't remember what part of the state you are from) so if she wants to be closer to NYC area--, New Paltz or even Purchase may fit the bill. For upstate there is a whole host to choose from.
It was already mentioned but--
do check out Wells College. It is a small school environment and may be quite nurturing. Tuition is pretty reasonable (I think around $14,000) and kids do have the opportunity to take classes at Cornell and Ithaca College too.
Good luck. Remember by next year, this will all be a distant memory!!</p>

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<p>Well, to respond to some of this:</p>

<p>She could live here if she went to UB, but it is the nature of the school that caused us to let that go, as I mentioned my concerns in an earlier post. We thought Geneseo would be the perfect choice, since if she is homesick, we are only 1.5 hours away, it was not a bad drive, and she could even take a Greyhound home for cheap on weekends. We don't expect that she will, but that option will be there for her. Which is why I am worried. Worried about what I saw and worried that she won't get in anyhow all at the same time! Understand that I am ok with her going away to school so long as it is the best school for her. </p>

<p>As to the "boyfriend", he is a strict Pentacostal whose goal is to be a missionary. He intends to go to Valley Forge Christian College. NOT a good fit for my agnostic daughter. That whole situation is sad. She's pined for him for quite a long time. He has zero interest in dating anyone, but they spend so much time together. After she lost all of that weight (totally healthily), they went to Homecoming together (as friends), and she cried for months because it felt like a date, but it wasn't. She said that she knows he will go off to that school and find an "appropriate" wife. Last night she went to a play with him and came home looking at Haverford's page, a half hour from where he'll be. So sad.....</p>

<p>And as far as an all-women's school, I would have liked for her to consider Bryn Mawr or Smith, especially since she loves Harry Potter and I read one of those schools has girls running around in capes (lol). But she said "No way. It's bad enough that I've gotten through high school without a handhold, a kiss, a date, or a boyfriend! I don't intend to do that in college!"</p>

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<p>You know what I am thinking? In another 10 years, my 8 year old will be doing this, and I will be lucky if I haven't had a stroke. Now that will be interesting. I am already worrying about his meal plan, because he is deathly allergic to cashews and pistachios!</p>

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<p>You know, it really is harder for kids these days. She had a female best friend who was like her when they met, chubby and shy. They promised to avoid drugs, alchohol, cigarettes, and sex until marriage. Even when her friend had to move away do to a divorce, they always stayed in touch. This year, her friend did all of the above, and more. My daughter actually was crying in her room when she found out. </p>

<p>We've let her watch R rated movies with us for a couple of years now (please, all of the good movies are). It seems that you can't even watch a movie without some nudity (must be to keep men like my husband watching, who knows). Whenever people start to get naked, she buries her head in her blanket (baby blanket which she still has not given up and insists she will be buried with!). We do not make her do this! And I'm not proud of it, but we swear like truckers. She doesn't swear at all. It's so unreal. I think that college is going to be a shocker....</p>

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<p>Wells went co-ed last year- so you may want to give it a look.</p>

<p>also you're not too far from Brockport. I checked the campus out in the summer when there were no students around so I really couldn't get a feel for the place. But since it isn't too far from the Buffalo area, you may want to give it some consideration. Can't remember my 7th grade NYS geography class, but isn't Fredonia in your neck of the woods too?? Fredonia has a nice reputation.
so if she considers Fredonia- Brockport- ESF and of course Bing and Geneseo, I think you have a good range of SUNY schools to consider!!
She may like the security of living on campus during the week and being able to come home on week-ends. With time, she will adjust to campus life, but for some kids it is a real big adjustment.
Good luck!!</p>

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<p>Except its distance, I will put in another voice for New Paltz which I think is the most all around fun school of the SUNY's and one in a area filled with colleges: Bard, Vassar, Maris. </p>

<p>Stony Brook, despite its bad reviews, has an awesome music program as do Fredonia and Potsdam. I've heard good things about Fredonia.</p>

<p>Hartwick and Ithaca College both seem like good possibilities too. Hartwick would give merit money I think. Ithaca might as well. Both have opportunities for music and both are nice campuses.</p>

<p>Or ignore the things about Geneseo that bothered you if its academics and location make it the best fit for your family. Be careful though, because it doesn't sound like her stats make this a safety for her. She sounds a bit fragile. Could she take a rejection at EA/ED time? My kids were only deferred, and it was really difficult for them.</p>

<p>Good luck. My heart goes out to both of you. Perhaps a bit of counseling would be helpful. We sent D at this time, and it was very helpful.</p>

<p>On a happier note, all worked out and all is well and D is a junior.</p>

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<p>My younger son has been getting mail from Hartwick. I definitely think that they would offer merit aid. My only concern is that their endowment is not very large. It is across the street from Oneonta. My older son applied to Marist and Ithaca a couple of years ago. Both offered him very nice packages for whatever that's worth. Marist had chart online at the time, that would give an idea of how much merit aid one could expect. Perhaps they still have this chart online.</p>

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<p>I know it's a bit further away, but has she considered Muhlenberg College in Allentown, PA? It has an excellent music program and is small and nurturing. It is also very generous with merit aid. Depending on your d's SAT scores, she may qualify for quite a bit. And Muhlenberg doesn't require a Financial Aid application to qualify for merit aid.</p>

<p>Have you done the financial aid calculators without dad's information? Both yours and your current husband's info are required. If that combined income/asset calculation throws you out of the "financial need" category anyway, then you don't have to worry about contacting biological dad. You just don't bother applying for financial aid.</p>

<p>Whether it could be done quickly enough for applications or not, I do suggest that your d petition the court for a formal name change. There are too many aspects of her life that require her legal name (for example, applying for a passport, or applying for some jobs), whether she likes it or not. Having that piece of paper that says "Yes, this is my name" will make her life much easier.</p>