Georgetown University Essay?? Need Help!

<p>Writing is my by far my biggest weakness... I'd appreciate any advice! Thanks!</p>

<p>Please relate your interest in studying at Georgetown University to your goals. How do these thoughts relate to your chosen course of study? (If you are applying to major in the FLL or in a Science, please specifically address those interests.)</p>

<p>It seems as if Georgetown University has been beckoning me since the day of my birth: my mother delivered me in Georgetown University Hospital, my late grandmother was treated for skin cancer in Lombardi Cancer Center, and my cousin, who was born prematurely at one pound three ounces, was incubated in Georgetown’s neonatal intensive care unit. </p>

<p>Being familiar with this highly reputable institution as well as possessing an interest in biology, I decided to participate in National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine at Georgetown during the summer of 2008; through this remarkable experience, I encountered intelligent and distinct individuals from all over the world, designed a Public Health Project to manage weight problems in today’s young adult population, viewed a live knee replacement surgery, and played the role of a doctor in a disaster triage simulation. During these two weeks I spent on campus, I not only fell head over heels for the campus’ breath-taking architecture, urban location, and quality of student life, but also bolstered my desire to enroll as a neurobiology major at Georgetown.</p>

<p>How do we distinguish between good and evil? Where are memories stored? What gives us the ability to breathe, move, and speak? The brain’s salmon-colored mysteries combined with its vital importance to life have become the object of my interest over the years; I was first pulled in by a children’s science book and have been hooked ever since. I still can name the labeled cross-section of a human head, which became a day-to-day fixation of the fourth grade <em>my name</em>. As I grew older, I pored over biographies of Dr. Benjamin Carson, the first neurosurgeon to successfully separate a pair of Siamese twins, and conducted personal research about the brain through late-night internet searches and interrogations of my two neurosurgeon second-cousins. However, given no opportunities to study neurobiology as a high school student, I hope to fully satisfy my curiosities about the brain at Georgetown. As a "student-centered research university" with systems and cognitive laboratories in addition to the new Science Center scheduled for completion in 2012, the quality of education Georgetown University offers will build a strong foundation in neuroscience and steer me in the right direction toward success in my future endeavors in the medical field.</p>

<p>It might be fun to open when a dramatic statement along the lines of “I was born there”. Leave out your grandmother and cousin, they are not relevant. I don’t like convoluted sentences, write the way you speak. The last paragraph seems disjointed from the second, as if it was copied from a different essay and inserted. Rearrange and rewrite. Maybe move your passion for neuroscience closer to the beginning.</p>