If a family wants merit, particularly LARGE merit, then they should apply to at least 2-3 schools where that merit is assured for stats.
We’ll see people apply to ONE school that gives a lot of merit, but that’s not a great strategy if merit is wanted/needed. If that ONE school becomes the only affordable school, then the student will feel railroaded into that one choice…even if it’s a good school. People like to have CHOICE. It’s good for morale. It makes them feel empowered. If large merit is wanted/needed, then have your child apply to at least 2-3 such schools…so in the end, the child will still have a choice!
When my younger son was a senior, one of his classmates applied to all reaches/matches and one lone safety. She got accepted to her matches, but not enough aid. She had no choice but attend her safety…which is a fine non-flagship school. She and her mom kept referring to the school as “the booby prize.” That’s just not good.
If there aren’t any that assure merit for the child’s stats, then at least target SEVERAL schools where child’s stats are high for the school…and the school does award a lot of merit.
@aehshm My D is feeling the pressure to wear the tshirt of a name-brand prestigious school on May 1 at her HS. I wish she felt happier about the incredible merit offers on the table. I wish she felt that no debt is the smart choice, not just for her, but for everyone in our family, given our financial situation. I wish the atmosphere at her school didn’t make her feel ashamed of her short list. She has the fever so bad, if given the choice (and if it were possible), she’d probably sign her life away in loans to attend her dream school. Don’t drink the Kool-Aid. Don’t catch the fever. Be smart, realistic, & strategic. May 1 will come and go, HS will be in the rearview mirror, and it’s on to the next thing. You can help your son make a good, big picture decision, and wisely play the cards he has been dealt. Hang in there.
@aehshm Yes, yes, yes, NMF is a big factor for merit money at the right places. Check out the National Merit Scholarships page under Financial Aid and Scholarships on this site. OU, UA, and U Kentucky are ones I can think of that offer large awards for NMF, and I’ll bet that some of the schools are still accepting students for the scholarships. Now, if your son is seriously biased against state U’s, it may be a hard sell, but do look into it. I’m on a full ride scholarship as an NMF. (See my avatar and PM me for more details if you’re interested in where I go. I think my school is great, but it’s not Johns Hopkins by any stretch.)
@TomSrOfBoston - it is a state affiliated school- considered in a similar way to the flagship. He has spent time there and does like it- it is just not the “sexy pick”.
@mom2collegekids - no just commended. He knew of the options for schools that would offer him guaranteed full merit money, but decided that the one he currently has would be preferred (for him) to the other options. And that he would take a chance in getting merit money from other schools that would be doable for us.
@aehshm …you keep saying “We are all about our kids” and “everything we do is for the kids.” All of us here are all about our kids. Do you know how many of us would love to send their kids to the most amazing campuses and dream schools? We love to see our kids happy and rewarded for their years of hard work.
True love puts boundaries on rewards. Giving our kids everything at the sacrifice of parental financial security does nothing for the kid. One day he WILL be disappointed in something. What is going to happen then? He will work for days and weeks and nights and he will not get that promotion or raise he thought he deserved for his hard work. What happens then? A truly smart kid can run those numbers and see it is financial suicide for the family. He may very well end up supporting you both if even one thing goes wrong healthwise. You are walking a huge tightrope.
He will be upset and sad and angry for just a bit. He can still tell everyone he got into X and X prestigious university. But he can also say “my parents are smart and won’t take on that kind of debt so I am actually going to attend X college.”
@Midwest67 …you should have a shirt made for her that says:
On the front: Accepted to Harvard, Yale and Princeton!
On the back: Because I’m SMART…will be attending XU!
@aehshm Another school to consider is West Virginia University. They have guaranteed merit levels based on test scores and GPA, have a really nice program in cyber security and forensics, rolling admissions and usually have a lot of kids from NJ. Lots of Federal Homeland Security related agencies have facilities in WV itself thanks to the late Senator Byrd bringing them there. Remind your son that most professions require a grad degree at some point and he can look to more prestigious universities then. If employers really care about the ‘name’ of your school, it is the last one attended, like grad or professional school. Good luck!!
@MYOS1634. Yes, he did get get into the honors program. Don’t know about ACES yet still waiting to hear. And it would be a great fit for his major. Should come in a little less then other schools. He is just so thick headed and looks at rankings overall not just for his major in case he doesn’t like it. He drives me crazy.
If he got into UMD’s Honors program i’s crazy he’s considering the other schools which are quite below UMD for his major. Being in honors, he’s got a shot at what is arguably the most prestigious cybsecurity program in the nation. Have him look into ACES and apply if necessary (unless it’s by invitation only. it’s darn hard to get into is for sure).
They all look like state schools to me, I doubt the government wants to pay overpriced private tuition.
Do you want to make some research and find out if any of these schools take spring freshmen, how competitive these scholarships are etc?
At my DD’s university it is not awful competitive because private companies pay so much more than government, plus there are restrictions about citizenship, and you cannot imagine how many CS students actually don’t have it.
@aehshm …you would never let a kid do the house shopping for you and then let him insist you buy the million dollar house he picked out! Kids don’t understand debt. They think they understand prestige and they think it means so much. It really does not.
Don’t let the tail wag the dog. He will be sad. He will be disappointed. And then one day he won’t. And you guys will be able to afford your medicines and your electricity and won’t have to work until you are 80.
We had similar heartache with our S last year. Almost full pay but only felt we could afford our state school level of cost. We had never particularly pushed top ranking schools, but perhaps it was hanging in the air unseen and we weren’t focussing on costs/FA/etc. in the many years leading up to college apps, really stupid of us. Just became aware of all that his sophomore year of HS when D was applying and by that time it was too late to really change his mindset. The frenzied atmosphere in high school surrounding college apps during senior year and even junior year was more than I bargained for. Kids get so caught up in it. He was angry and heartbroken and felt betrayed. Because of NMF/high stats he could apply to lots of high merit OOS schools, but not the type he was convinced he wanted to attend. He refused to spend time on essays to apply to any top schools ‘just for fun’ since he couldn’t attend if accepted, just sent easy apps to UCB/UCLA so he could say he got in somewhere relatively high-ranked. It is not a fun way to spend senior year. I was miserable in concert with his unhappiness.
But you know, everything turned around by the end in April. He saw what I had predicted(but mom doesn’t know anything, right?), that though a select few of his friends were able to go to expensive tippy-top schools, the vast majority ended up at less expensive/lower-ranked places because of finances/denials and had their dreams quenched by reality too. He didn’t want to attend any of the high merit schools, so chose our perfectly fine flagship in town, UW-Madison. We had an unexpected favorable turn of fortune about then and offered to pay for UCB/UCLA if he wanted, but he said, no, they are too expensive, not worth it. Within a week or 2 of starting college he was thrilled with his choice. Everything is wonderful and that storm cloud gone as though it never existed. There are, as I had repeatedly assured him(but mom knows nothing), LOTS of really smart interesting hard-working students there, and the classes are challenging, both honors and regular. It’s a fun atmosphere, so much to do, lots of new friends. Opportunities abound and he is content. This may not be every kid’s experience, but I think it is common. If you can just hang in there, everything will be fine.
"But you know, everything turned around by the end in April. He saw what I had predicted(but mom doesn’t know anything, right?), that though a select few of his friends were able to go to expensive tippy-top schools, the vast majority ended up at less expensive/lower-ranked places because of finances/denials and had their dreams quenched by reality too. "
^^^ THIS^^^
I think that if parents can learn ONLY one lesson from the whole college application experience, it is that smart kids can be a lot more flexible than we think.
OF course, it’s not a good idea to get caught up in “magical thinking” or encourage our kids to do so- money and scholarships do not grow on trees- and the earlier families FULLY realize this, the better it will be for all .
@aehshm, I know you said he got into UMD-CP, but is it affordable? You are OOS, so I assume it is still fairly pricey. You still have to be careful. The standard advice out here is don’t take out loans beyond what your kid can take in federal loans ($5,500 freshman year, $6,500 soph year, and $7,500 Jr. and sr year). You are going to have to be the bad cop here, it sounds like.
My daughter isn’t a high stat kid. But I’m so happy I didn’t have to go through this with her. She don’t care anything about prestige and never heard of US News ranking lol. She just wanted to go to school in the city. That was her only requirement. She didn’t want to be anywhere rural.
@aehsm, just chiming in with the others to encourage you to stay strong. UMD-CP sounds like an amazing opportunity for your son if it’s affordable. Do whatever you can to help him see what an incredible value it is compared to pricey elites. And if it is, as @intparent rightly inquires about, beyond your budget, then sell Rutgers and/or TCNJ.
My approach, once I realized that certain schools were better overall values for my son, was to become the PR person for that school. Share important news coming out of the school with him. Most universities/colleges have tons of great stuff on their “News” pages. And do a Google News search for the schools you’re trying to promote. Take him to visit again and splurge on the nice on-campus hotel if you think he might enjoy spending the night.
@Midwest67
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My kid said she felt like the counselor was “disappointed” in the schools on her original short list, and that a student of her caliber could do “better”. I bet that kind of thinking is prevalent.
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If my kid told me that his counselor was “disappointed” in his college list, I’d be on the phone with that GC so quick her head would be spinning for a week. Of course I would first make sure that my kid wasn’t fibbing to justify applying to unaffordable schools. I would start the conversation with something like, “I know Susie is a top student. She mentioned that you’d like her to apply to a few more prestigious schools.” And then I’d quietly listen to determine whether my child had been bluffing…or if the GC really had made that suggestion. If she had, I’d mention that those schools aren’t affordable. Likely, she’d blather on about FA and so forth. I’d let her say her piece and then inform her of the realities of cost, aid, merit, etc.
If parents spent 5 minutes educating GCs on the realities of aid, merit and unaffordable EFCs, so many problems could be avoided.