We strangers are more than happy to ‘deal’ with you and happy to tell you that you are not ‘wasted potential’! I am so sorry that you have had such pressure on you and such unsupportive messages said to you. I hope your dark humor is some indication that you realize that you are a wonderful, talented person separate from those arbitrary measures placed on you.
You will be 18 soon and will be able to decide for yourself who you are, how you want to offer your gifts to the world and what your own definition of success is. I hope that inspires you to think about! Until then, please heed the important advice here on this thread to take care of your well being and don’t overdo your courseload. You will make it through this time!
Dropping the online courses and the self study for AP classes is a no brainer. You are not going to impress anybody with those.
If that’s not enough, my advice is to drop some of Gov, Econ, USH in that order. It’s better to have two hard APs than four fluffy ones on your transcript.
I don’t think it is in OPs interest for us to assume the parents are aware of the pressures and circumstances that exist. Building a further wedge between OP and parents serves no ones long term interest.
The only people who know the entirety of the situation are the parents and child and the parents are uniquely positioned to support the child’s needs. Frequently parents are unaware of the messages they are sending and often even really smart and motivated kids like the OP misconstrue their parents actions and intentions.
Parents love their kids and vice versa. Any comments suggesting a “work around” of the parents or implying malice on their parts are not helpful given we clearly don’t have enough info.
It is curious that on CC (a place filled with over involved parents) we are so quick to vilify parents for being over involved.
My kids and I talk all the time and I am sure we misunderstood each other frequently. No matter what however they know I love them (and like the vast majority of parents) have their best interest in mind. This is a pressure filled time for OP and she should take the opportunity to make sure she doesn’t just talk with her parents but make sure they hear her.
I would default to the assumption that these parents are unaware of how their kid feels and if informed will be supportive.
Hopefully so. Or perhaps the child , not necessarily here, but in many cases doesn’t want to disappoint.
But that disappoint will happen for both when they learn their college dream of x school is unattainable. Way too much pressure on kids today, a lot of times self inflicted.
Agreed! That is why I am suggesting a discussion among family versus faceless CC strangers suggesting solutions in isolation and with limited knowledge of the entire situation.
Talk to your parents. Let them know the pressures you are under. Let them know how it’s taking a toll on your mental health as well as your current and future academic prospects. Having a clear plan for what you will do from now on will help.
Your school counselor is trained to help you think through ways to talk to your parents about your stress level, career interests, and college options. The college counselor may have a lot of students, but they will make time for you if you share some of what you have shared here. They will help you with the college planning process and help your parents see there are great options beyond STEM related careers. There are a lot of miserable adults out there who became doctors or lawyers because they thought that is what was expected of them. International relations is a great major and opens up doors to lots of possibilities. Your high school counselor can help you with these conversations.
You are funny and smart, but we can not tell if you are serious about your overuse/abuse of ADHD meds. Please talk to your parents, your school counselor, your school nurse, or doctor if you fell you are using a prescribed medication beyond the recommended doses. Diagnosis for ADHD is usually done in a pediatricians office with minimal additional strategies put in place to support success and little follow up. There are some colleges that will help support your strengths and your learning needs more than others. You can start to research that as well, I believe American and Hofstra both have additional supports for students with ADHD.
At most of the top colleges, you take 4 or 5 courses a semester. That’s it. So, why do kids think they have to take a tougher schedule in high school to get into a top college?
Are your parents immigrants? Some immigrants just don’t “get” how US college admissions work. I used to do alumni interviews for my alma mater. I interviewed a young woman who was just lovely. Her parents didn’t want her to apply to my alma mater because they wanted her to be a doctor and they didn’t think the med school of my alma mater was rated highly enough! Yes, they thought the best way to get into a top med school was to go to its undergrad college, so they wanted her to pick the colleges she was applying to by med school rankings. Of course, that mean she couldn’t apply to liberal arts colleges at all. It was insane. She knew it was, but her parents knew some fellow immigrants whose child got into a top med school after attending college at the same university and that convinced them it was the only way to go.
I tell this story just in case part of what’s going on here is that you have very loving immigrant parents who just don’t understand how higher education works in the US. In that case, I’d suggest you get a more knowlegeable parent or other authority figure they trust to explain it to them. Maybe your counselor can but if that’s the problem, let the counselor know that. (The counselors at my kid’s old high school had to save a kid from a beating when she didn’t get into Princeton because her immigrant parents assumed that meant she hadn’t beeing doing as well grade wise as she had told them. Obviously, she “must have” done something wrong in high school or Princeton would not have rejected her. )
So, talk to your counselor but don’t just ask the mechanical questions like what you have to do to get the most rigorous box curriculum box checked. Explain the pressure you are feeling too.
I think based on what the OP has shared it is. I have volunteered at my city’s schools. There are middle school kids (lots of them) that are crying because they can’t go home with a B on a test without having to face the wrath of their parents. Do the parents love them? Of course. Are they supporting and guiding them successfully? That’s up for debate. I do not portray to have the magical parenting solutions and that is why as many have suggested the counselor should get involved.
Your confidence in your intuition is far greater then mine. When it comes to other people’s kids I would (and will continue) to encourage dialogue with parents. That is how I would want my children to be advised.
I certainly would not want someone who had just read a few posts from my child and knows nothing about our family, my kid or circumstances to conclude, define or advise…
I don’t believe I can better parent a child based on such limited info, background or context. I suspect every good parent, while in the act of being a good parent, can and likely has been perceived and or described as a monster by their child at one time or another.
I agree that is a very reasonable first step but please remember there are parents different from you who won’t engage in the dialogue you suggest. Per your comment that we have limited info, we can’t assume either way and it seems appropriate to advise OP for either situation.
Thanks again for all the advice and replies. I think I’m doing a lot better right now than when I first posted. I’m at an 86-87 for AP lang and calc at the moment, but I’m hoping some upcoming scores can pull me back into a safe zone. At the start of every year this kind of thing always happens where I’m momentarily obliterated, just this year in particular I guess it was kinda more bad.
I did see my assigned counsellor also, and was able to arrange things so I can drop AP Lang if needed (parents seem alright with it since “I already speak English”). I’ve just started seeing a tutor now and math seems to be back to being comprehensible as well. My heartbeat while studying has returned to a medically advisable rate and I just had the time to take a nap for the first time since the summer.
You should STILL drop one AP.
It’s really NOT necessary to put yourself through that much stress. I promise you, even HYP adcoms won’t think “oh wow that kid took 6 APs instead of 4, how I admire his lack of sleep”. Nope. Even in college, you only take 4 or 5 classes per semester (remember that AP classes are modeled after college classes).
It’s not a game of who has the most APs, wins.
Apparently karma is real and I must’ve offended some vengeful deity by enjoying the previous day because I now have a 67 in English from a pop quiz on a book I thought I knew well and an essay which I clearly chose not to proofread.
I’ve also gotten back a calculus test where the only places not covered in red pen are the three problems I just stared at blanking on, which, totaling an utterly superb 43, is the worst non-zero I’ve ever gotten. There’s another test in four days for which I’m feeling criminally unprepared.
I dropped my lunch on my test and test corrections and I don’t know what to do about that now.
My left arm hurts like hell and my wrist keeps shaking and I don’t know why and that’s kinda a problem since I’m left handed and I still need to write so many notes. My right hand is not a good substitute right now.
I know it doesn’t sound like it and I’m committing some fatal hubris but I swear I can actually do all these classes on their own by myself but it’s just so much time and focus that I just don’t have right now and I have a lot more stuff coming up and need to start writing applications for next summer things and theres just so much even though I’m and just so tired that I can’t do it in this little time
and
you know that thing you feel when you mess up something you know you shouldn’t have because it should’ve been easy but it’s that but like the past whole month and I don’t know why I’m writing this I don’t know how long this is I just I know it’s not supposed to be like this but I need someone just to tell me if it’s okay to if just like this ends up the best I can ever do being and going from the currents rigour and just dropping off halfway in secondary and I’m afraid it’s not getting better so and I’m afraid I was so wrong about myself and this I don’t because I can’t keep up with it all that I’m not the that ii just can’t be it’s not going to happen how I thought wanted it to I feel like I’m goinna make a stupid decision soon or mmaybe this all gets better but I’m a tualy afraid i can’t make it the way I want it to be and I don’t belong with any of these and I want it back to how it was and I can’t even sleep to make it all just be over for a moment and I don’t see any way out and
Sorry I’m sorry for complaining and I shouldn’t and I just want it over and I’m gong to break and I can’t anymore and it still hurts that it still does and Ii want it over and I want to breathe and I want it me to break faster or not at all but I don’t want it like this
. tldr *^ innn eed just tell is it kkay do am I everything’s ruinedd
Go talk to someone in your house or call someone who can help talk you through these feelings.
Please go talk to you school counselor in the morning and let them know you are struggling, not just academically.
Your body can not function in a constant state of stress. Make sure you are drinking water. Not energy drinks. You need to hydrate. Nourish yourself with healthy food tomorrow. Catch up on sleep.
Talk to your teachers. Your school counselor can help figure out if you need to drop a class or need some accommodations. You need an appointment with the doctor prescribing your medication to figure out if something needs to be adjusted. Tell them about your arm.
You can make decisions that will allow you to thrive. Small steps and keep asking for help. Be courageous.
You are very smart and very capable. It is obvious from the way you present yourself.
Right now, you have taken on too much. This is quite common with very smart and capable people.
Do you have someone you can talk to right now? Is one of your parents approachable? An aunt? Uncle? Cousin? Friend? Favorite teacher?
If none of these people is available, there is a 24/7 anonymous text-based help line for people of any age who are feeling overwhelmed and anxious. To reach them at any time you can text CONNECT to 741741 . If you are in a crisis, they suggest that you text HOME to 741741.
Things can and will get better. Please talk to someone who can help you make the decisions and choices you need to get past this and onto a more supportive and healthier path.
You are not alone. You can do this. Please ask for the help you need and deserve.
Very concerned by this post, even though it is almost of literary quality/stream of consciousness.
If I saw this in my kid’s diary I would take them to a doctor or therapist. (Actually full disclosure I once DID find a note like this in my kid’s diary, which was left open in the room. Kid is doing fine now.) There is a lot of hopelessness here that may not be directly related to the academic stress. In other words, you may be depressed or have some other issue going on that CAN BE HELPED.
If you have trouble with your arm, see a doctor, get a note and the school needs to accommodate you. There are physical therapists who can help with arm and PT specialists who help with hands.
I know you are under pressure from your parents and maybe from the environment in your school. Maintaining perfection is not only stressful but just NOT a good goal. It is OKAY to get a B. Even a C. It is OKAY to drop one or two classes. Really.
Instead of being “brutalised” by school, do whatever feels comfortable- and concentrate on things outside of school if you have extracurricular interests.
Do your parents understand that grades alone don’t get you into top schools anyway? Not worth this stress. And there are so many great schools. Look at the Colleges that Change Lives site for example.
Please let us know that you are okay. I am seriously worried about you and I don’t even know you. What I do know is that you are a very talented person, with an incredible dark humor and potent writing skills. But you are in pain and deserve relief.
each class on its own is fine. 6 of them at the same time? Not possible.
Again: college students take 4 or 5 courses a semester. You, a HS student, are NOT expected by college adcoms (even at the most prestigious and selective colleges) to be taking more than that. 4 APs a year is “most rigorous”.
Take Calculus A this year, AP Calc BC next year. Drop a level to A version in English OR history.
take a day off, to rest. Sleep. Do nothing.
The following day, schedule an appt with your GC and see how you can be switched to Calc A.
get your arm&hand evaluated by a physical therapist
Junior schedule: Calc A, AP Lang OR APUSH (and A version of the other one), AP Physics 1, Spanish Honors 3, one non-AP elective, music – and your schedule is still “HYP qualifying”.
Senior schedule: Calc BC, AP Econ&Gov, Spanish Honors 4, AP Lit or clearly senior honors literature seminar, APES or AP Bio, one non AP elective. AP World or AP Euro instead of AP Econ&Gov if you’re taking APES and if it’s available¬ taken before (if Econ&Gov are required, take the regular or A version). Still qualifying for all universities in the country.
OP- hugs. You do not have anything to prove. Please find someone in real life to talk to. Please make a plan to communicate to your parents that you are struggling right now and need their support as you dial back your academic load. Please make a list of the lifestyle changes which will help you cope- more sleep, regular bedtime, time outside taking a walk, time with a friend just goofing around.
You would be astonished at the number of people in the world who have successful, gratifying careers who never took any of the classes you are struggling with right now. Get some perspective- and hugs to you.