Don’t ignore the warning signs. Decrease the load while it is still possible. You’ll regret it otherwise toward the end of the semester.
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Go see your school counselor sooner rather than later. You are not alone. Lots of people your age are overwhelmed, but you seem to be at a point where you really need help from an adult to deal with your stress and anxiety.
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Sorry for taking so much time w all this-- last post I only half remember even writing, sorry for the absolute dearth of punctuation in there, can’t imagine having to read that. I don’t see any good way out but I don’t want to keep doing everything the way it is right now.
If my math is right (doubting that more and more now but still) it’s literally impossible for me to get an A in calculus by the end of the quarter, which, while not totally condemning me to failure, does not exactly inspire the utmost confidence in my ability to improve when I still can’t figure out why a line squiggles in one direction instead of the other. I want out of all this.
I have a whole email written out and ready to be sent to get myself ejected as urgently as possible but some stupid stupid voice in my stupid stupid head won’t let me and I’m still mildly terrified at the thought of sticking an A-level onto my transcript after two honors classes with just no explanation or excuse beyond the assertion I just cannot deal with any more literary analysis without wanting to liberally analyse the recommended dose amount for anything in an orange bottle.
As a person, I’m not exceptional or remarkable at anything. I wouldnt be able to pick any application or resume of my own out of a pile. I swear I’m not actually that much of an arrogant spoilt brat but I wish I actually had absolutely zero chance at my terrible stupid nonsensical daydreams so that I wouldn’t have to worry so much now about the like 5% at best chance I might actually be close to good enough.
I picked everything like six weeks ago and now I want to go back. I made a very very very stupid overambitious choice when I was like nine, realized it was never gonna happen, thought it might actually, and now I’m here.
I don’t like being in this terrible limbo world where I can’t not try as hard as possible but still won’t have any real chance anyway but still have to try and I wish I’d dreamt not at all instead of about all these idealised fantasies that I can’t help but still fruitlessly force myself to go after.
I want someone to just tell me if I have any chance or not so I can know for sure but I’m afraid of getting either answer and I don’t want to tell a single person but I want to tell anyone other than myself.
I’m really not doing any better at having punctuation and I’m doing that thing again where I don’t want to say the stupid things I’m actually thinking and so I just dance around it. I don’t even like listening to that, so I really am sorry for writing all this out.
If I have no chance at all, none of this matters and I can pick something realistic and forget about all these daydreams leading me to expensive and inevitable disappointment. If I have (maybe had at this point) any chance, then everything depends on me screwing things up the least right now.
I don’t want to give up but I’m almost hoping someone or something else forces me to.
tldr sorry about last/this post and using this thread as a diary/therapy for the unraveling of my life and questioning of my ability to achieve a reprehensibly ill-considered childhood aspiration, but is it really actually allowed/okay/not-obvious-that-I-failed to drop down from english H to A and/or drop from precalc H to calc A to then calc BC?
Please, take care of yourself, and drop courses. All those courses should not have been approved in first place. Your counselor made a mistake approving too many courses. There are not enough hours in a day.
You are enough as you are. You have so much to enjoy and experience. There is so much more to life.
You have so much to offer. The world needs you in good health and with joy.
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Yes, it is okay to take care of yourself.
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Wondering if you’ve put me on Mute, but just in case you haven’t and just haven’t read previous replies answering that question
- switch to Calc A and take Calc BC next year
- take either English A or US History honors/A
And - having a balanced schedule is actually a positive in adcoms’ eyes (v. adolescent hubris)
So - nothing about that new schedule will prevent you from applying to colleges with sub-25% acceptance rates (also known as “reach for everyone” due to unpredictability). That new schedule would be considered most rigorous by any adcom. That new schedule just says “I’m a high achieving junior”, not “I failed”.
(Waiting till the end of 1st quarter will however speak of hubris and failure, so don’t wait. Switch on Monday first thing. ) - Tuesday, after you’ve switched that schedule (first thing Monday), take a personal day off to rest, and things will feel better on Wednesday.
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