<p>You may remember me from the 'Confessions from an Average CC'er' thread. Well, lo and behold, I managed to surprise even myself. I have been accepted to Yale and that is really where I want to go.</p>
<p>This actually isn't the hardest part.. the hardest part is getting my parents to let me go. My parents are Southeast Asians that have wanted me to go to Northwestern since birth. NU is 15 minutes away from my house and while I did get accepted, I don't want to attend. I don't feel like I will be gaining a real college experience by commuting to a school fifteen minutes away from my house.</p>
<p>Finances are not a concern. Yale and NU are giving me full rides. However, my parents, because of cultural concerns, really do not want me to go to Yale. I've tried convincing them that I can be the first girl in the family to go "away" to college. They keep referring to tradition and that it is morally reprehensible that a girl will be living in a dorm with strangers (Muslim family, here.)</p>
<p>I'm struggling with the fact that I worked my ass off for the last four years to get accepted where I did, only to have them blow me off. I entered the process believing that at least my dad would be OK with me applying to Yale. However, my mother is adamant (meaning, she pretends not to hear me when I talk about Yale -- I kid you not) that I attend Northwestern. If I told her I was going to Yale, she would literally have a heart attack. I am not joking about any of this.</p>
<p>While I care about my parents, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I am old enough to make a decision like this. My parents won't be contributing to the cost, anyways, because of Yale's massive financial aid. I don't get why I can't go and I don't know how to convince them otherwise.</p>
<p>I'm looking for advice.. has anyone been in the same situation? Can anyone give some suggestions? I am desperate for help.</p>
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My parents won't be contributing to the cost, anyways, because of Yale's massive financial aid.
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<p>What do YOU want? I guess I'm somewhat fortunate to have parents who don't make me lean towards a particular score nor have they ever pressured me to do anything (Though ...maybe if they did I could go to a school like yale >_> maybe I could have if I applied....though, I woulden't want to go to yale :-P MIT though would be nice....).</p>
<p>Anyway, do what YOU want. You aren't depending on your parents and as you said, you are an adult, you can do whatever you want. You can leave the house tomorrow and never come back. It is your life and I don't think you should let anyone else govern it. Maybe I'm cold considering i'm telling you to prety much just leave your parents, but when I think of my life....I really don't care what my parents want, I care what I want...call me selfish but I'd like to have a life that I enjoy. Sure, I love advice, and I readily accept it from my parents...if they told me to go to Yale and I diden't want to though....it's MY decision.</p>
<p>The problem is that the massive financial aid is a result of my parents' income. I won't be able to get that kind of financial aid if I break off, and I'm not sure if my parents withholding tax forms is a legitimate enough problem to Yale. </p>
<p>I really don't want to break it off, because they are my parents. Even though we're fighting now, they did raise me. I think it would be a little rash to do anything of that nature now, though I am ready to argue and fight if it means going to Yale.</p>
<p>Let them know that you think you can receive the best education at Yale. Try to get them excited about Yale... statistics, random facts, looking at the booklet. Show them that Yale makes YOU happy. </p>
<p>Be stubborn: You are going to Yale (hopefully!)</p>
<p>Don't know what else to tell you. Good luck!</p>
<p>maybe you should contact yale's financial aid office and ask if getting a full ride after breaking off is at all possible. you will still be low income.</p>
<p>That's kind of not helpful, Columbia_Student. Wundershowzen, I'm going to contact the office of financial aid tomorrow. The worst that they can do is just say that they can't. Which is fine, I'll find another way. Thank you for helping.</p>
<p>There is a Muslim Students Association at Yale. Go to their website and there is a special section for prospective students. It looks like exactly the resource you need for getting support in persuading your parents.</p>
<p>You will need your parents' financial information in future years, and you will probably need to be a dependent in order to qualify for medical insurance.</p>
<p>Beyond the financial aspects, breaking off from your parents is a pretty drastic thing to do. </p>
<p>While I understand that going away seems very desirable, NU is a great option. Is there any way your parents will let you live in a dorm on the NU campus? (Find Muslim roommates, for instance?)</p>
<p>Perhaps one aspect of their reluctance to let you go to Yale is the cost of getting back and forth. If your parents are low-income, it will be difficult for them to ever visit you, or perhaps even help you move there. It will be difficult for them to continue to be a part of your world.</p>
<p>I think it must be hard for them to understand why you do not want to attend one of the country's great universities when it is so conveniently located just down the street! As you mentioned, they have had it all planned out for years, and you just threw a monkey wrench into the works. Perhaps if you give them a bit of time, the new reality will settle in and they will soften.</p>
<p>You are in a hard spot. But try to remember that your parents are, also. It must be difficult for them to adjust their expectations and assumptions so radically.</p>
<p>siliconvalleymom's suggestion is a very good one. Maybe they can put you in contact with a current student who shares your background and can shed some light on his/her experience @ Yale with you and your parents. Hope it works out for you & congrats on your acceptances!</p>
<p>I will not go to NU. This is a matter of principle. If I compromise, I'm letting them get away with the notion that a Muslim girl cannot go out-of-state for an education and they will continue to perpetuate these incredibly outdated beliefs. </p>
<p>I know it's not the end of the world, but if this was any other family, the parents would be extremely happy for their child. I get home and my parents are angry at me for complicating their lives. I find this to be incredibly unfair.</p>
<p>Yale is giving more financial aid and its distance is part of the reason I want to attend. Going to NU will not facilitate any growth if I am commuting (it's effectively taking 50% away from the college experience.) Not everything is about academics. It's about building relationships, networking, finding a passion. It's not about going to school at 8 AM and being home by 6. This isn't high school all over again.</p>
<p>I know it's hard for them, but it's not impossible. They need to get with the program. I'm tired of them living through me. I don't want to dorm at NU, because they will make me come home nearly every other day, which ruins the point of dorming at all.</p>
<p>I would like some other suggestions, please.. thanks..</p>
<p>Just keep on trying to get them excited about Yale. To be honest, you are having the opposite problem that a lot of families like you have--many only want their kids at Ivy league schools or else. </p>
<p>But back on point, I'd recommend showing them why you love Yale so much and hopefully they will also be excited about the school. After all, NW is a great school but Yale opens so many doors. And at some point, they've got to acknowledge the cultural gap and that you will naturally adapt to 'typical' American life.</p>
<p>I'm not suggesting you live at home. I agree with you about that, completely. But how would they "make" you come home from the dorm? </p>
<p>My only suggestion (other than following the svm suggestion about the Muslim Student Assn) is to try to persuade your parents in a way that does not get them any more set in their opposition to your plan. My kids are far more likely to persuade me to change my mind when they use patience, smiles and reason. (But I recognize that may not work in your situation.)</p>
<p>"I will not go to NU. This is a matter of principle. If I compromise, I'm letting them get away with the notion that a Muslim girl cannot go out-of-state for an education and they will continue to perpetuate these incredibly outdated beliefs."</p>
<p>You do have the stubbornness down. As a Muslim from a low-income family whose parents wanted her to go to the community college two blocks away her entire life because they didn't think it was proper to leave home to go to college, I really understand where you are coming from. My parents are letting me go away though but only because finaid and some weird convo they had with my cousins that I still don't know too much about. [I wouldn't put your marbles in trying to convince them. I don't think it'll work...if they are anything like my parents]</p>
<p>I think that your mind is made up. I know that I can probably never change my parents' belief structure and I have finally stopped trying to. I've accepted them. You want to go to Yale, so go to Yale. If your parents never talk to you again, then find a way around, keep calling/contacting them to let them know you are okay, and just go on with your life. You might have to sacrifice your relationship with your parents to PROVE to them that you are capable of going out-of-state.</p>
<p>Quite frankly, though...I really think you should consider going to NU. I know this might sound ridiculous...but I'm going to Pton most likely because it is my best financial situation. Otherwise, I'd stay in-state and go to UCLA (half an hour away). I'd get an amazing education still - just like you would still get an amazing education at NU. Thing is, though, and I think this might apply to you too...my parents practically gave up their lives for me. Though I can't seem to talk about anything seriously with my mother without a huge clash between her beliefs and mine, I still know that she worked 12 hour days for me. She left her home, her country so that she could give her children a place to grow up in that had the opportunity to actually express yourself and live. Though she has not completely embraced the idea of gender equality, she's 55 years old and she isn't in the best health. For so long, I just wanted to get away from my parents to prove to them that I could...and I fell in love with schools far away. I never really thought about UCLA or other nearby schools. They always expected me to go there, but I knew I'd sprint out as fast as I could because (and I hate to admit this) I thought I was better than UCLA. It was arrogant and really stupid.</p>
<p>Look, this has gotten a bit long..and contact me if you want to talk privately or more...I'm just trying to say that you should really consider NU as just "a university," not the "university near my parents that they want me to attend even though they are sexist." Who knows? It might be a great fit. If not, if Yale is that great fit, then go. You're risking a lot, but if you feel it is worth it. If you feel that you can be put in the worst possible situation despite how unlikely [ex. one of your parents dies while you're away at school and you come home...your other parents says that they must have died b/c they were so sad and worried b/c you left ---- I know most people think this might sound ridiculous, but it's not like that in my family, and a lot of the Muslim families I know] and still think you made the right choice, go to Yale.</p>
<p>I second the suggestion of going to the Muslim Student Association. I believe it's a very active group at Yale. They may be able to connect your parents with other parents who can reassure them.</p>