<p>Everything is falling or has already fallen into place for my friends, and I couldn’t be more happy for them, but when are things going to work out for me?</p>
<p>Or are things even going to work out for me? I’m so afraid I’ll be disappointed… god I just don’t want my greatest fear to happen</p>
<p>Deep in the pit of my stomach, you sit fear, being sickly. I worry. I worry that my father won’t be able to keep his job. I worry because my father just came home and he’s angry and its scary and I need to hide from him. I worry because undergrad is expensive and I don’t know where the money is coming from. I need to fill out scholarships but I haven’t. I worry because my parents took out loans and bought a 200k church and I don’t know if they’ll be able to finance my undergrad education. I worry because my math grade has falen to a 70 with only two weeks left in the quarter and I don’t want to be rescinded. I worry because my head is pounding. I worry about telling my friends where I got into. I worry that I don’t really deserve acceptance from Columbia or JHU or Cornell and that (God forbid) I could flounder there. I worry because I have to come out of undergrad with a paying job, because my parents cannot afford any more school. I need to not be afraid.</p>
<p>I’m afraid that I won’t do anything with my life,
that I’ll die as a nobody like millions before me.
Despite these fears,
these last few days I’ve been lazy.
I really don’t want to live for nothing-
I really need to get out of this slump!</p>
<p>“Bravery to rush in and try recklessly,
resoltution is not to give up even if you die.
If you don’t push yourself as far as possible,
nothing ever will change.”</p>
<p>Dear M,</p>
<p>You are a vicious liar who will do anything in your power to beat me at anything and everything. You act like you’re better than me just because your GPA is .03 points higher, but that’s only because you have almost no ECs, and you suck at the few activites you do for 1 hour a week. You also flaunt the fact that you’ll be going to a tiny, preppy, prestigious LAC. Great for you; you’re SO much better than me because unfortunately, all of the schools I applied to had more than 1,000 total students. I can’t decide whether I want you to get rejected from all of your schools and be forced to go to a state school like the rest of us mere mortals, or if I want go to your dream LAC on the other side of the country, thousands of miles away from me. So take your precious valedictorian speech and act like you’ve conquered the world at age 18. In 15 years, you’ll be taking your kids to see me when I’m their pediatrician. Oh wait, never mind. You can’t bring your cats to me; you’ll have to go to a real veterinarian. Well, at least you’ll see my name on the news when I make some huge medical breakthrough, mocking you, just like you’ve backhandedly mocked me for all of these years.</p>
<p>Love,
Me</p>
<p>Dear CCers,</p>
<p>Stop being so arrogant and thinking you know better than anyone else.</p>
<p>Dear _______, </p>
<p>It really annoys me that you disregard any of my kindness. You are so cold through your responses and sometimes you can be positive and happy. I realize you’re probably realy stressed but it’s not a good quality to be abrasive. Good luck to you…</p>
<p>From,
Me</p>
<p>Dear EFC,</p>
<p>Please stop trying to make my family declare bankruptcy.</p>
<p>^Lol</p>
<p>Dear scholarship apps/internship postings/other ways to make college money:
You DO realize that I, a freshman/sophomore, can do some of these things better than that junior/senior you’re going to give this position/scholarship to.-LB</p>
<p>GAH! I’m calling my psych tomorrow. I need my anxiety meds, damn it. I ran out of the samples he’s been giving me (to save me money) and now I’m going freaking nuts. Well, not really nuts, I’m just getting stupid anxiety attacks again. I hate them. Oh, Lexapro, you are my miracle drug, and I miss thee dearly! Strattera, you can kiss my ass, but Lexapro, how I adore thee!</p>
<p>To the Guy in my Art class:</p>
<p>I like you a lot, but you make me so angry sometimes because you say the most “gahh!” things to me. Really? Do I really wanna know that you don’t like relationships? (It helps, but I’m like “grrrr”) Or that you think Beyonce and Katy Perry are hot?! And if you do that, why the hell do you even make me feel like that lovey dovey feeling half of the time!? MAKE UP YOUR MIND. I like you, and that’s for sure. But I have to keep tabs on everything with my friends so I know I’m not over thinking it. And yeah, you wanna know the secret me and A share? It’s that I like you. And that I REALLY like you. But you know, I’m afraid to share anything else, because unlike you two, I don’t get geeked up during the weekend with your friends. (I don’t really have anything against it, it’s just my way I choose to live my life.)</p>
<p>I have another question: Do you even like anyone right now?! Because it seems like you do. Because when ever we (as in A or C) ask you if you do, you’re like, “I’m not telling you guys!” >.< It’s not helping my state of mind…</p>
<p>AND STOP PRETENDING YOU AREN’T SEEING ME. >.< Because really!? I notice you trying to see me. I even walked right next to you just to see if you’d make a move, and you’re just looking to your side and pretending not to notice me. Yeah, you failed that one. What about the dance?! Hrm? I saw you. You definitely saw me. I don’t even know why you’re even shy about it, you’ve even said right in front of me that you stare at me while I work.</p>
<p>I don’t know how you see me… Am I a friend? Am I a crush? Am I some random girl who you won’t talk to after this year’s done?</p>
<p>Because I don’t know…</p>
<p>Dear colleges,
I don’t think I can handle another rejection. Someone please accept me. Please…</p>
<p>Dear _____,
I’m glad you’re my prom date but please answer my text so I don’t feel like a fool…I hope you’re not ignoring me 
Oh and I think I might like you…</p>
<p>Dear Speech League Competition,
Okay so I didn’t break to semi-finals
in my senior year
when everyone else I know broke
and yes, it hurts. It burns. But you know what. I had a good run. You can’t win all the time. I got into colleges and that’s more important. Stop making me feel like utter *****. Do I really want to be the guy who broke but is going to Baptist Bible College? Uh, no. I’ll do speech and debate in college and I don’t need a win from a paltry Speech and debate tourney to cement my feelings. Do I really want to be the guy that owned speech league but got rejected from all his top colleges. Even though it hurts. And even though I know that if I was in speech league consistently, I would have broken and made finals today–college apps were more important. Failure hurts. Rejection burns.
I’m not fine. BUt I’m going to be okay.</p>
<p>Dear K,</p>
<p>I really enjoyed the last week with you, but I am extremely perplexed about your proposal. Do you really want to go to prom with me, or are you just trying to get into my school’s prom? It doesn’t matter either way, I just need to know so I can decide whether to spend my money on a ticket or not.</p>
<p>While you’re at it, please stop sending mixed signals so I know whether you actually like me or whether I can just move on. Again, either way is fine since I’ll be leaving in a few months, but I really just want to know what’s up.</p>
<p>Dear friends,</p>
<p>There’s a reason for my not telling you which colleges I’m applying to. I only told my closest friends, and by closest friends, I mean CLOSEST. I don’t know what happens, but now suddenly you know where I’m applying to!</p>
<p>Stop asking me whether I’m already accepted or not. Stop pestering me. You make my March 31 and April 1 (and my potential rejections) 1000000x worse.</p>
<p>hmmm… education is an industry, and colleges are clearly for-profit businesses.
im graduating high school as valedictorian in a class of 500 some kids, and i can’t afford to go anywhere but community college, if that. now tom corbett and my newly reddened state government would like to cut education funding by 50%. when did people decided to destroy the middle class?</p>
<p>Dear Boys,
So far all of you have wanted to do one thing to me: bang, hit, smash, destroy, annihilate, ravage, f**k, whatever you want to call it. I’m not going to lie and pretend I don’t love it. In fact it’s an incredibly fun activity. But a little while after you bust on my face, in my mouth, or wherever, I feel a little empty inside. I find myself yearning for someone who actually cares about me and what I have to offer on a non-physical level. Someone who appreciates my brains and my ambition to be somebody. Someone who wants a girl more compassionate and loving than he has ever had. I don’t want to be celibate just because I’m single. I wish you wouldn’t assume that “pure” girls would be better gfs and wives who are less likely to cheat. I wish you realized that if you made me yours, I would love you and only you, and I would never, ever leave you for some guy trying to “hit that”.</p>
<p>Dear March 30th, 2011,
F you. My dream of attending Duke University will probably shatter at 6 p.m. You know, given that only 10% of deferred applicants get in and instead of me you’ll accept applicants
who are choosing Harvard over you anyway…</p>
<p>Dear ___________,
Learn to take a hint. Over a span of a couple weeks, you inboxed your number to me THREE TIMES. You couldn’t even get the hint the SECOND time that I didn’t respond that I have no interest in you? A month later, I received a text from a random number that sure enough, was the same one that you had inboxed me. YOU TRACKED ME DOWN. I’m not rude so I didn’t ask you how you got ahold of my number, but I think it’s ridiculous that you went out of your way asking others for my number even though I clearly did not want you to have it. I’m not stupid. I know you don’t want to just “hang out” with me, especially when you make constant references to my looks and say things about “wanting me since you first saw me”. You can’t have me. We have nothing in common, and I want you to appreciate me for who I am and not just what I look like. </p>
<p>Ahhhhh…feels good to get that all off my chest.</p>
<p>Dear F,</p>
<p>You know what you are suppose to be my best friend, the one person I can always count on to no matter what… well just to let you know, a best friend, or in any case, a friend, would not hook up with my boyfriend a WEEK after we broke up, especially when you introduced us. Oh and seriously, stop attempting to make me accept your relationship. Yes I am over it, but I don’t want to go hang out with you at his house or be set up on double dates… seriously, gain some common sense.</p>
<p>Oh and by the way, please stop making out in the hallway, or at least have the decency to move a few lockers down from mine. Thanks.</p>
<p>A</p>
<p>^ *** ? F (whoever she is, is such a b****!)</p>
<p>anyway, Dear scholarships,
stop making me write essays. i hate them. thank you.
<p>Dear GWU,
next year i will be pouring my heart, mind and soul into you. please accept me. i love you. im like obsessed with you. madly. completely. in love.
-A</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Not gonna lie, I lol’d when I read this.</p>
<p>^That entire post is O.o</p>