<p>Oh I see, because other people have done it, that makes it OK.</p>
<p>If you and your SO are getting married, you need to tell your parents because you don’t know what business, what forms, what things they are completing declaring you and her as dependents. It’s not as though parents tell their kids every thing that is done. I complete forms and go through things regularly that ask me how many kids I have and, yes, it could end up a problem if I fill it out incorrectly. I would be most upset if one of my kids secretly married and did not bother to tell me. Your parents might also have some personal feelings about supporting you if you are married; the same with your SO’s. If you think everything is so on the up and up about this, you might as well explain this to those closest to you and who are paying some of your bills, namely your parents. Lies often have short legs, and yes, not telling your parents does go into the Deceptions category, whether it’s technically a lie or not. You may have no idea what sort of things may be happening within family dynamics where the fact that you and SO are married might have some big impact. I can think of a number of them. </p>
<p>The fact of the matter is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting married now because the timing is beneficial to both of you in terms of financial aid and other things, and you certainly can celebrate the wedding later. Nothing wrong with living apart either; as a lot of couples live long distance. But, you know, something smells bad about getting married and then not telling anyone other than those who have to know, like the financial aid office the government, etc; not telling your minister of this church of yours, the one that is so very important to you, and not even your family. Now I do smell rat here, and it isn’t a very fresh one either. </p>
<p>It seems to me, since your family makes enough money that they lose dependent exemptions that they are upper income. Not middle income, but upper. Something tells me that you are living a pretty good life on their generosity and you don’t want to lose out there and they are not going to like this brilliant idea of yours to get PELL money. You are not ready to cut the ties to them and say, “getting married and that’s it” , which the two of you can do, as you are of age and you say you aren’t getting much support from your parents anyways. Your parents may well list you as a dependent whether or not they get the exemption,b y the way. We do and so do a lot of people we know, so there is that duplicity that may come up.</p>
<p>Right now, it seems like a great idea to you, but I’m telling you it smells bad and that you have to justify it so much morally, when that part is not an issue to most of us here, make it worse. Do remember that you are young, talented and could have a great future in any sort of thing, and you really don’t want to have some stupidity on record like this. Doesn’t sound like much of a deception, but who knows what office you may be considering or be considered for in the future. Do be on the up and up about this. Not worth making eyebrows go up, and mine are up there in reading your posts.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Um, no, but I also don’t think it makes one a bad person.
Again, I just thought people were being overly harsh.
And again, marriage for love is a very, very new concept. In fact, in many (perhaps most even) parts of the world, love STILL has nothing to do with it. I knew friends in high school, born and raised in America, who are in arranged marriages with people they never met or only briefly met before the marriage. </p>
<p>I’ll be off now. </p>
<p>I have no problem with the marriage idea, Romanig. What I sense here is that this poster is not mature (won’t use the old sexist term "man) enough to own up to the marriage to his own parents and the SO’s, and likely the minister to his church/religion that he says means so much to him. But, people time their marriages a lot to make financial sense. If you google “marriage FAFSA”, the main thing that is said about that is to make sure you time the marriage so you get maximum financial aid, and to make sure you don’t lose out in aid when you do this. Not a thing wrong with this. </p>
<p>OP insists he’s getting very little from parents, and is also insistent that he KNOWS that it won’t make any difference on taxes, so he doesn’t have to tell his parents and hers. Ummm. Something not right here. </p>
<p>As I said, my sister and her husband have different legal residences (same state). My sister owned her home when they were dating, and he bought a weekend house in the mountains because he shared custody of his son and the house is about half way between town and where the mother lives. Now, however, BIL has a job nearer to the mtn house, so he’s there about 4 nights a week and they alternate weekends where they stay. It is better for tax purposes for each to claim one house as a primary residence.</p>
<p>People live in non-tax states for tax reasons. People get married before they join the military or when they are deployed so that the ‘home’ spouse gets benefits. A long time ago I knew a couple who got divorced every Dec and remarried in Jan for tax reason. It’s fine. It’s legal.</p>
<p>You are LEGALLY married even if you aren’t married by a pastor and blessed by God. You yourself are counting on being considered married by the federal government and the two colleges, even though you will not consider yourself married??? Either you are married or you are not. And you want the benefits of marriage while still calling yourself boyfriend and girlfriend to everyone except those who might give you a break. You can’t have it both ways, at least without breaking away from pretty much everything your Bible tells you about marriage and honesty and integrity.</p>
<p>You would have to add the cost of your health insurance, car insurance, gas and clothes allowance, and all of that financial help you receive to your FAFSA, and to your WIFE’s FAFSA because the federal government will combine your assets even if you do not share a household. And all of the aid that she receives from her parents would go on both of your forms as well. Your earned income would go on hers, and hers on yours. So if she gets need based financial aid now, she may lose it. Combined, you may not qualify for the PELL grant you are coveting, anyway.</p>
<p>I share the curiosity of an earlier poster. Especially as a slightly to the left pastor. What does you pastor advise you to do? </p>
<p>I am harsh perhaps because I would be as harsh on myself.
I have a strong sense of right & wrong & it shouldn’t change just because I or someone I care about would benefit.
I agree that for some, their values are still developing.</p>
<p>I just started talking about it with my Mom, the only reason I even came on this forum in the first place was to see if there were any negative financial reasons that would derail the logical part of the argument before I waded into what could be potentially emotionally awkward waters. </p>
<p>Also I would not consider myself immature, nor immature in my relationship. I’d probably be willing to bet that my relationship is more healthy and longer lasting than many of the marriages of posters on this board. Half of you are probably divorced. </p>
<p>Honestly the most immature thing I’ve done so far in this thought process was probably laying the situation out on this online forum.</p>
<p>Drs…no need to insult the posters on this forum. Sorry, that was unnecessary. </p>
<p>Considering you are not even married yet, your years of marriage at this time are in the negative. If the only thing you wanted to discuss were the financial aspects of marrying for FAFSA, you should have left all the person crap out. You are a hypocrite with your extra info, TMI, without a doubt. You are contemplating marrying someone and keeping it a secret which doesn’t sound very healthy to me. I doubt many on this forum have a combined relationship/marriage time span with a SO that is less than yours, and for that matter I have you easily beat as relationship with my spouse has been for longer than you and your SO’s lifespans combined. You have NO idea what anyone here’s relationship is, especially when you made your post, whereas we have a pretty good idea of yours from what you posted. Immature is your entire situation.</p>
<p>You realize, I hope, that by marrying and keeping it a secret except for financial aid purposes, you, your SO, and both sets of parents, sibling will all be made a liar every single time they have to fill out anything that indicates your marital status. One doesn’t even think about these things, as we assume all is on the up and up, but these kind of statement, particularly on any federal or legal forms could get you into trouble. It can really blow up, depending on the situation. You may have no idea what your parents might have going. And we won’t even go into other serious issues that can occur. I know about a half dozen of them right off the top of my head. </p>
<p>The answer is that if you get married, yes, you can file for financial aid as an independent student. If you don’t file a tax return, if your income (and/or your SO’s) is flagged as below the standard by the financial aid office, you could be requested to come up with a detailed summary of how you and wife are living on that little, and I guess parental support and gifts would have to come into the picture, and your parents/her parents may be contacted to verify. When selected for audit or verification by the feds, and bear in mind that PELL, FAFSA are all federal, there could be a lot of scrutiny involved. When you take money, you gotta play by the rules. In any case, if your list of what your parents provide would understandably be something that would need to be substantiated, and when picked for verification, you do have to grant permission for investigation and substantiating everything you list. Telling them that your parents don’t know you are married might not go over very well at all, and certainly is not going to be a reason not to verify. Lies have short legs, oh what a tangled web, … all sorts of things happen with deception. </p>
<p>If you want to get married so much, why don’t you just have the full wedding you’ve been planning this summer? </p>
<p>I have two daughters. If a boyfriend approached me with your scheme to get married “on paper” solely to get money from taxpayers, while telling the world she wasn’t his wife and behaving accordingly, he’d be shown the door. Perhaps that would be considered OK by your Christian values, but the fact that you ducked my question as to what your minister said makes me think you know it’s not.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>And so you just mentioned your religious beliefs and sexual practices to give us a little financial background? </p>
<p>I’ll ditto everything @cptofthehouse said. Except I’ve only been married two decades. </p>