<p>I think maybe some of you are overanalyzing my words. No, the actual “wedding” is not what I look forward to and what keeps me going, but the thought of being able to be in the same place and spend our lives together. I used the word “wedding” because to me, that IS what a wedding is: the symbol of spending forever together. I don’t really care what kind of cake we have. I’m not one of “those girls”.</p>
<p>I don’t want to live together before we get married, not really for moral reasons, but because to me it’s something that makes marriage special. I feel like living together first and then getting married wouldn’t be as exciting or special as it could be if we hadn’t moved in together yet.</p>
<p>When I say “right after college” I don’t mean like 3 weeks afterwards. I’m talking more like late summer, early fall. We would not get married until we both had jobs lined up, which would hopefully be directly after graduation, as most of my friends who have just graduated already had jobs lined up in May.</p>
<p>My major and intended career both lead to a high-paying job and starting salary, so I’m not really worried about struggling with money right now, although anything is possible… obviously we would adjust our plans if we were not financially ready.</p>
<p>I am a very independent girl, have been wanting to get away from my family and hometown for a long time, and am not holding onto my boyfriend as a “crutch” to hang on to my old life. In fact, if I had my way, I would ditch everything from my hometown and start fresh. The thought of entering the real world alone does not scare me and is even appealing. I just so happen to have already met the person I am pretty certain I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I care about him so much that I am willing to have that extra tie to my hometown I don’t necessarily want. So rather than hanging onto him so that I don’t have to let go, it is the opposite. I’m not motivated to stay with him for any reason besides that he is my best friend and awesome boyfriend. I wouldn’t stay with him if I wasn’t sure about that.</p>
<p>The fact that you feel the need to justify your actions to strangers who, aren’t likely to interested in what you do past its temporary online entertainment value, probably says something about this…</p>
<p>You asked if it seemed foolish: it does.
You asked for opinions: you received them. What’s the problem? If you wanted everyone to agree with you, you should have said that from the beginning. </p>
<p>And yes, you are entertainment, primarily because you’re so defensive.</p>
<p>When did I say there was a problem? I’m appreciative of the people who took me seriously and gave me a legitimate honest opinion. I’m not defensive. People brought up points about my intentions and I elaborated on them. </p>
<p>The only problem is when people like you decide everything on this forum should be turned into comedy. This was a topic I thought deserved honest discussion. It was not meant to be funny.</p>
<p>People comment on a forum either bc the thread is amusing, are really against/for something in the thread, or occasionally bc they just want to be helpful. Take your pick, but some combo of these reasons is why your thread is getting hits.</p>
<p>I am in a similar situation, relationship-wise. Dating since soph year of hs, rising soph in college, 5 hour transit to visit. We’re pretty sure that tying the knot is in the future, but there is no way I’d start a thread like this on CC. Seriously, we are FRESHMAN talking about THREE YEARS from now. That is rather presumptious…</p>
<p>Marriage is just an event, it won’t change the way you feel about a person, just your legal and financial status. There is no reason to burden yourself with what should be a joyous ocassion. Also, HE asks YOU (or at least mine has insisted that he gets that right!), so really it is up to him when you guys will get married. My boy has also mentioned financial and job stability as prerequisite, which sounds like a good idea. You have your whole life ahead of you there’s no need to rush into it the summer/fall after college.</p>
<p>Also, marriage shouldn’t be the “light at the end of the tunnel”. That might not be what you mean but it gives the idea that college is about your bf, and really college is about YOU. You may have already done this but make sure you find yourself, make OTHER friends, and just have a great time. If you’re having a miserable time in college just bc your bf isn’t there, that sounds like a problem…</p>
<p>Butttt, if you’ve already done all those abovementioned things, then I know what you mean. I can’t wait to see my bf every quarter, it drives me to do well so I can finish my exams and get on the train to go see him, with not a care in the world.</p>
<p>I’ll tell you what I would tell my own kids if they were in this situation. Regarding relationships: I would tell them to focus on the present–enjoy the here and now because spending your time focused on the future is a waste of valuable living time. Does that make any sense? I’m sure someone else can word this better than I can. By focusing on your future with this guy (that you met as a 16 year old), you’re limiting your life experiences now. </p>
<p>I’ve seen this same story play out many times over the years. These relationships almost always end with graduation from college and the girl heartbroken. Please, spend less time painting the picture of a fairy tale life with a high school sweetheart and more time experiencing the people and environment that surrounds you now.</p>
<p>Often times the dreams that we dream today are not the same dreams that we dream a few years from now.</p>
<p>[Disclosure: I didn’t really read the other posts]</p>
<p>I don’t care to post too many details, but I was/am in a similar situation. My only advice is this: does it feel right to you and your boyfriend? If it does, you have your answer. I don’t buy into that long-distance doesn’t work stuff…lots of people, for whatever reason, maintain these relationships (not just college, but military, diplomacy, etc.), and yes it’s hard, but it is doable.</p>
<p>I also don’t think you have to choose between a college experience and your boyfriend. Balance is key.</p>
<p>If you’d like to talk more, feel free to PM me. :)</p>
<p>I’d wait until a year after being out of college before being engaged, and at least another year of being engaged before you start planning a wedding and setting a date.</p>
<p>I think success stories are either people from a different generations(our parents) or those who are extremely religious.</p>
<p>One of my closest friends has just graduated college did the long distance thing, been with her boyfriend for 6 years since high school. He cheated I believe, within the last year. She never wanted to get married(she is very liberal etc) but I just think you’re setting yourself for a trap. What you and your boyfriend need to do is separate now. Anything that you can do in a relationship(whether its holding hands to having sex) can be done without having that label of relationship(boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever). At the end of the 4 years, after your official separation, you and casual summer hookups + phone calls throughout the school year, if both of you are in different places then let it be, don’t force something, and i think staying in a relationship while being long distance is FORCING it. you guys are both going to regret when you realize that your college years were the time to be free and independent. I have nothing but sympathy for you, and I hope you somehow come back onto College Confidential(in 10 years or 5 years, if this website is still around) and read your post.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be surprised if the engagement is thread starter’s idea LOL. I don’t know of any guys (rising sophomores at that/19/20 year olds) who are amped about getting married at such a young age.</p>
<p>One thing that I’ve observed over the years, is that it seems to always be the female in the relationship who’s worried about the marriage part. And it’s always the female who’s left at the end of it all wondering what went wrong. We need to get past that and just live in the moment. </p>
<p>P.S. And get off TheKnot (wedding website for psycho brides). I know you’re probably on it LOL.</p>
<p>It’s not a bad idea to think about it, but I agree with nysmile, enjoy the present and stop worrying about the future. I respect your loyalty and dedication to your significant other, so don’t let any negative comments about your relationship being doomed to failure let you down. I don’t think you’re really missing out on anything by having a long distance relationship. (Really, are drunken hookups that amazing? Just look at the websites imsobadatsex.com and textsfromlastnight.com, and you can see for yourself.)</p>
<p>If you really do value the symbolism of marriage, it would make sense that you would hold off on marriage until a while after graduation. Settle down, live with the guy for a little. Get used to being in each other’s company, who knows how much he may have changed while you two were apart. Get used to fighting over stupid things like finances/chores. Then when you two are financially/physically/emotionally/whatever ready, seal the deal. Don’t treat marriage like a back up reason, where it’s the only reason you two would actually force yourselves to deal with issues (“Okay we have to solve our problems because we’re married and don’t want to go through the process of divorce”). Otherwise you two will know that you’re together because you love each other, not because you’re bound by society’s expectations of marriage.</p>
<p>I hope that made sense. Every girl dreams of a wedding, and your day will come. Make it special, do it when you’re ready. Cramming it after graduation (even in the fall after graduation) seems so much more stressful.</p>
<p>-Where are you going to live when you get married after graduation?
-With what money are you going to live there?
-What if the both of you get jobs in different states?
-On different coasts?
-What if one of you wants to go to grad school?
-What money are you going to use to pay for a wedding?
-What if one of you wants to travel the world after graduation instead of immediately becoming middle aged?</p>
<p>I question how many actual seniors you know that have jobs, because the vast majority of them do not. If all goes well, the economy will be fully recovered by the time you graduate. Hopefully that will be the case.</p>
<p>I don’t see anything foolish at all about wanting to marry the person you love. I also completely understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been in a relationship for going on four years, and sometimes it’s really fun to fantasize about getting engaged and married. That being said, coming from a family with two loving parents who have been happily unmarried for more than two decades, it’s important to keep in mind that marriage is not what keeps a couple together forever. Love and dedication to the relationship do. So if anything, I think you have to worry about your motives for wanting to get married so early, because it might indicate that you feel insecure in your relationship. </p>
<p>I do think that it is foolish not to live together before you get married. It’s kind of like how having a roommate in college can seem perfect on paper, or it’s your best friend, but then you spend two weeks together and you want to kill her. Being with someone all of the time can teach you some of the unsavory truths about a person that you need to know before you’re legally stuck. Your image of marriage is very much overly romanticized, in my opinion, and you’re setting yourself up for a really big letdown in the future.</p>
<p>I’ve known quite a few people who married shortly after graduation (usually about half a year after graduating, somehow). I’ve also known people who married while they were still undergrads. Supposedly it worked out for them, in a lot of cases, and they felt ready.
But it’s different for everyone, and depends on so many factors. Some people don’t feel ready for marriage until they’re considerably older, like in their thirties - and these days, considering the high divorce rate, that’s not a bad idea.
It all depends. </p>
<p>I have to admit, largely because of my religious beliefs, I’m against living together (if it’s in a sexual relationship) outside of marriage. However, some stats also showed that people who live together before marrying yet who do end up marrying each other report a lower level of marital satisfaction.</p>
<p>^^I’ve actually wondered that, how does that make sense? To me it would make sense that if you live with each other before marriage, you learn to work out your issues, therefore avoiding divorce. Is it that couples who live together don’t have this mentality that the relationship is permanent (as marriage does) so they don’t try as hard to work out their issues?</p>
<p>oh gawd, you guys are all victims of your culture, including myself. I would hope that a good liberal arts education at COLLEGE would teach you guys to think for yourself and not chase after the “dream” that is very very sugar coated for girls the day they’re first put in pink or any “girl” colors by their parents.</p>