<p>Hey,
I just got engaged in December to my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. I'm just finishing up my junior year and he is graduating this may. We want to get married next summer after I graduate. He is a law enforcement major and I am a communication studies and disorders major. I have to go to grad school to get my masters, but I wont have much trouble finding a job after I graduate from that. Plus, there is a chance he may land a department that offers tuition reimbursement for families. Do you think we are rushing it? I know financially we wont be real secure but who is these days? Basically I'm just looking for your feedback...</p>
<p>Is he hot?</p>
<p>What does that have to do with anything?</p>
<p>It has to do with everything</p>
<p>Yes he is, but that doesn’t answer my question.</p>
<p>You’re waiting until you graduate? Good! You have been with your guy long enough to know if he’s the one, I think.
I might ask, how are you planning to pay for your masters? If your fiance isn’t able to get the tuition reimbursement, will you be able to afford it? Would your parents help you either way? What if the school you want to go to isn’t in the same town as the one where your husband works? Would he be willing to move to the city where you’re admitted for the masters?
I don’t think the engagement is necessarily premature, but marriage might be until you make some of the decisions about these practical things, and until your fiance has a secure job that can support the two of you (or unless you go to work too, and postpone the grad school). Maybe that would be as early as next summer, with any luck.</p>
<p>My advice- and this is from someone who was married at 20 to my current husband who was 19 at the time- DON’T have kids for at least 5 years after you’re been married, and longer if possible. That’s when most of the compromises will have to occur, and many couples don’t make it once kids enter the picture if they’re not pretty mature themselves.
We made it–38 years so far. You can do, but you have to really expect to grow with one another. You must be best friends. You will be different people at 35 than you are at 20, and you need to be willing to love and accommodate each other, whatever happens.</p>
<p>Marriage isn’t a 50-50 proposition. It’s 100%-100%.</p>
<p>It’s something only you can answer yourself.
Let me add some reinforcement questions:</p>
<p>Why do you want to marry now?
What are the pros and cons of marrying now and marrying later? </p>
<p>Don’t just ‘think about it’, write your answers down and read it to yourself.
Then, write yourself a letter trying to convince yourself it’s the best choice.
Don’t do this process together. Do it separately and then share your opinion.</p>
<p>I can’t even have an opinion on this since I do not know your reasons. It’s your time for self-discovery.</p>
<p>yes, i think you are rushing it</p>
<p>Well, you’ve got Team Parents on your side. </p>
<p>In any event, I hope there are prenups involved.</p>
<p>I am 26 right now. I got married when I was 24 and my wife was 21. Our son was born the following year. By the time we got married I had been out of college for a year and working steadily, but she was still bouncing back and forth between school and part-time jobs.</p>
<p>Financially, be frugal. My wife and I spent a lot of money during our engagement and I am still dealing with the consequences. And I agree with waiting to have kids. You need to make sure your marriage has some time to mature before introducing kids into the mix. I didn’t do this because I wanted to have kids early and get it over with. My wife was very eager to have a baby but in reality, raising a child was been much harder than she anticipated because she still had the mentality of a childless woman who could still do whatever she wanted. Having a baby takes away a lot of freedoms. You have to adjust your lifestyle from being just a spouse to also being a parent.</p>
<p>“Get it over with.” What do you mean by that justin?</p>
<p>Anyways, yeah, I wouldn’t say you are rushing the whole marriage aspect, but definitely don’t have kids anytime soon. My parents got married when my mom was a senior and my dad had just graduated (21, 22 years of age). They had me eight years later when they were much more established, mature, and financially stable. They are still together after over 26 years of marriage. So it can work. But there has to be compromise.</p>
<p>ETA: My mom also said that she got married too young and wished she had waited. My dad think that he is one lucky mother f…</p>
<p>I have to wonder what on earth you need feedback for.</p>
<p>so, you are going to be married and then be 2 married people with no jobs and nowhere to live?</p>
<p>sounds like a superb plan.</p>
<p>^ As opposed to two separate people with no job and no where to live? At least if you’re married, you can often get family help (ie- certain medicaid, family shelters, welfare, etc).</p>
<p>It is worth noting that in some families, once you get married (and not necessarily before) your parents doors are shut to you forever. I will be my husband’s responsibility and he will be mine once we get married, there will be no coming home to mom after that. So, for people in that situation, getting married when you have no job and no place to live is a very bad idea and would be very different from being in that situation and single. My parents would let me stay with them for a while until I got on my feet as long as I wasn’t expecting to bring a spouse with me.</p>
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<p>That’s how I always figured it was supposed to be.</p>
<p>I am inclined to agree, though I suppose perhaps not necessarily in cases of extreme emergency. Deciding to put yourself in a situation where you are without a job or a place to live would not fit the bill.</p>
<p>My personal belief is that it is my obligation on my wedding day to present my husband-to-be a complete woman. If I am not able to stand on my own two feet-- which includes at least some semblance of financial security, we aren’t there yet. I expect the same from him. That isn’t to say we don’t have crazy debt, we are far from financially perfect, but we are going to have jobs, a place to live, and a solid plan in order to cope with that before we get married. It would not seem responsible to me, nor fair to my partner, to do it any other way. But that’s just us.</p>
<p>It’s not unusual to get married while in college or right after graduation. Several of my friends have done this.</p>
<hr>
<p>Danny
University of California, Berkeley '09 (B.S.)</p>
<p>I think you’re rushing it a bit, and you should definitely wait on having kids. I will say however that if you and your bf are committed to a marriage and really love each other and know all the highs/lows, benefits/consequences, and etc that comes with marriage I say… why not?</p>
<p>Besides financial reasons, government benefits, etc., what really is the point of getting married?</p>
<p>I don’t mean to be a cynic; I just don’t understand…</p>