Getting Motivation Back?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>So it's finally my first year of high school at a fairly expensive private school, and things aren't going all that well. Due to the fact that my parents consider my grades "low" they're thinking about pulling me out -- and I won't complain. That's obviously partially my fault. So in order to stay, and to get into a fairly decent college I need to bring my grades up. Unfortunately, I've been unable to get myself to do any of the work. </p>

<p>I used to be a straight-A student. When I was 11, I started/programmed a website, which had about 1,000 people interested in joining within the first few months of it opening. But then, around February of that year, we lost our house. I quit turning in work; my parents' relationship got kind of rough. I was bullied a bit, and developed pretty bad social anxiety. Then that summer, the day before 6th grade started, a had two major family deaths. I couldn't get myself do do any of my work, but as the school didn't really take those things seriously, made it through the year with fairly decent grades. </p>

<p>Around December of 6th grade, I screwed up my website, and lost everyone interested in joining. Also, around that year, I did drugs for a small portion of time, which killed my self esteem.. (which is still dead.)</p>

<p>Same goes for seventh grade, although the day right before the school year ended that year, someone close to me attempted suicide. Things got a lot worse, and I basically slept through my entire 8th grade year, somehow making it through.</p>

<p>//excuse the somewhat whine..</p>

<p>So yeah, here I am now. I can't push myself to put any effort into school work, and my grades are suffering. I didn't turn any of my homework for some classes, resulting in pretty horrible grades. What's even more frustrating, is if I had done my homework, I would have basically all A's in my classes. Not to mention, I've restarted my old website, and I can't seem to get myself to be nearly as dedicated to it as before.</p>

<p>I still have fairly decent grades, but I don't want to have to live my entire life wishing I would have actually put some effort into things. Plus, as said before, I want to stay at my current school. I need to somehow be able to push myself to actual get up and do work again.</p>

<p>Yeah, I would say I'm a bit depressed over everything that's happened over the past few years. And it would probably help if I went to see someone about it, but that's not really an option. My parents are kind of.. not there for me in that sense. They're always too busy with work, even when they're home.</p>

<p>I think the main thing is just how damaged my self esteem is from the things that have gone on. I can't see myself having a decent future because of it, and have just given up totally. I need someone who cares (yeah, my parents do by sending me to a private school, but emotionally, I have a hard time believing it.), and some encouragement, but it's pretty clear I'm not going to get that. So I need to be able to push myself, but I just... don't know how to get that back by myself..</p>

<p>Sorry for the general whiny-ness.. P:</p>

2

<p>I think you should see a therapist.</p>

<p>Excuse the obvious tip.</p>

<p>Well, it seems like you<code>re definitely aware and everything, so…I mean, you know you want to have a good future, so can</code>t you just push yourself to do well…and know that this`ll only help you?</p>

3

<p>Honestly, I have no advice; it’s something I’m currently struggling with as well.</p>

<p>Do you have any good friends you can talk to?</p>

4

<p>First tip - is there a school counselor/psychologist/teacher you would feel comfortable talking to you?</p>

<p>Second tip - know that working hard will be the very best thing you can do for you!</p>

5

<p>Unconventional tip- Just try to understand that everything that happened happened and you can put it all behind you and live in the present enjoying yourself. That takes care of thinking about the past. Then, find someone that you hate that does better in school than you, and promise yourself that you will beat them in every class you take and get into a better college. Then, when you realize that you are the very very smart kid who you seem to be, you will also see that it is easy to crush them. Now, with your heightened self-esteem from realizing that you can excel in school and destroy others academically, take on the rest of your class in hopes of beating all of them because with that heightened self-esteem will come a level of arrogance. Boom, you will be at the top of your class. Then, realize that you don’t have to be crazy dedicated to do amazing because you are naturally smart, and enjoy the rest of your high school life in happiness with appropriate self-esteem because you are happy with yourself but also know your weaknesses from the previous years. Just avoid being an overly arrogant a**hole throughout high school and risk losing friends.</p>

<p>Probably not completely moral, but will probably work.</p>

6

<p>^Yeah pretty much what I’d say. Except for the arrogant ******* part. But yeah just calm down and relax. Realize that things aren’t nearly as complicated or as difficult as they seem to be right now.
“You can’t start the next chapter do your life if you keep rereading the last one.” Sometimes when I get depressed I just read quotes, you should try that. And yeah you don’t have to go through this alone, find a friend talk about it and let yourself do what you want to do and be happy. You don’t need your parents to be happy.
5 years from now the problems you have now won’t matter to you so just overcome them. Your only hurting yourself.
And in your post you said, “I need someone that cares.” You don’t need anyone, you need to get yourself out of this. A friend would help but you have to do it for yourself.
Sorry if some of this doesn’t apply to you so much, I’m basically saying this to myself too.</p>

7

<p>I went through a lot of the same stuff in middle school too and had zero motivation then too. (Was bullied, lost 2 close family members, I became suicidal and anorexic, I still have relatively low self-esteem) As far as motivation goes, find a college that you really want to go to and work towards whatever you need to do to get in. Or you can do better in school in honor of one of your loved ones. (I did the college thing and am honoring my bother because he didn’t get to go to college but wanted to.) I’m a senior now, and both of those have helped me. </p>

<p>As far as therapy goes, do you have a school psychologist you could go to? It’s hard (as you probably know) to get your self esteem back up once it’s crushed. The only thing that’s helped with that is changing the things I don’t like about myself.</p>

8

<p>Thanks for all your support, and I’m really sorry that it took me so long to respond. :frowning: I’ve been pretty busy. (Oh and to the few people who messaged me, I’m extremely sorry I haven’t replied back, don’t have enough posts yet sadly xD)</p>

<p>Things haven’t really been getting all that better, in fact probably worse, but I have at least been working on my website more often and will hopefully be able to open it within the next few weeks. Pretty excited about that, and besides it can make a pretty good distraction.</p>

<p>I’ve been coming to grips more with the thought of actually talking to someone. I’ve been tossing the idea around in my head for a week or so, but I can’t seem to get myself to go. I’m pretty horrified, because last time my parents found out I was having issues, they kind of let their fear out as extreme anger. It’s a little drastic, but I’m thinking if they get too bad about it I can always move in with my aunt who lives in DC…</p>

<p>I think another one of the issues is that I basically have a way overly irrational fear of failing. It’s partially why I have such a hard time trying in school, and refuse to get help… I need a barrier to protect the last bit of self esteem I have. But that needs to stop, because it’s ruining my future.</p>

<p>I think it came from basically being overly praised and neglected to the tiniest bit as a kid. I’d never really experienced all that much failure until I screwed up my website when I was younger, (i’d had probably atleast 2k people interested in joining at start, and then screwed up a deadline and everyone left s:) either, and that was a major blow. Everything went downhill from there. Especially because I barely 12.</p>

<p>I have lots of goals, and a few dream schools for sure, that I’ve had since I was little. And to be honest, seeing myself kind of ruin those things for myself sucks. Due to the not doing the work, I’m failing half my classes, whereas before my emotional issues hit me again I had mostly A’s :(</p>

<p>But I mean over all, I guess it’s good that i’m warming up more to the idea of being able to talk to someone s:</p>