Hi everyone, so a little over a year ago I was rejected from my dream school and I am now at a small college down South. It is a very pretty campus, my professors are great, I still haven’t really found a solid group of friends but that’s beside the point. Ever since I was basically born I wanted to go to my dream school, my dad was an alum and brought us to all of the sports games, every t shirt I own has this college on it. Anyways, it was a long shot for me to get in and I knew that but after getting that rejection letter I still cry about it to this day, not to mention I threw up a few times after being rejected. I kind of feel like a failure at this school, it really wasn’t anything I had expected and my parents don’t want to listen to me complain or think about transferring. Has anybody been through anything similar? How did you get over it?
I feel like you have an abnormal attachment to your dream school, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Most people are upset when they get rejected, and usually the responses range from “lol I never would’ve gotten in, I’m totally fine” to crying hysterically for a few days. But a whole year? And throwing up?
I think you first need to examine what makes this school so special. I know your dad is an alumnus, and grew up with it, but what else? You have good professors at your school, and the friend situation can be fixed.
I honestly believe that the reason why you could be so upset is because you never really gave it a chance. I think a good way of getting over it is realizing and understanding that there is nothing you can do about it, you picked what you picked for a reason, and you’ll try to make the best of it. And if worse comes to worse, just transfer. You’re an adult so you don’t necessarily need your parents advice or approval- it’s your life.
I hope this helped and best of luck!
Can you go to grad school there?
I can but I’m kind of impatient, I just want to be there now! It sounds terrible but everyone from my school that went there I just couldn’t stand and when I would walk around campus I knew I wouldn’t fit in with the student body, idk it was just always pushed on me how great that school was I guess you could say I was kind of brainwashed to love it almost too nuch
I also just love the idea of college sports and my school is good at sports but we lack in school spirit so the events aren’t really attended, also Greek life overruns everything on campus and I’m not into Greek life at all so
Feeling bad about being rejected is pretty normal. But not being able to get past it a year later really isn’t. I assume you are home from college now? if not, I’d suggest you try your college counseling center. I suspect you feel like you disappointed your dad, not just yourself, even if he isn’t saying that. We can tell you until we are blue in the face that there are so many great schools, one school is not the answer to all your problems, and that you can succeed and thrive at your current school. But I don’t think us telling you that will do any good. I’d seek some professional health if it is getting in the way of moving forward.
What about getting great grades for 2 years and transferring?
yeah this isn’t healthy and i think you should make an appointment. Btw going to therapy doesn’t make you “insane”. A lot of people go. I did! But I wouldn’t say you can just go grad school there. Grad and undergrad are different experiences. Your dream school may not even have your program.
You need to start looking ahead and stop obsessing about what is in the rear view mirror. IMO you will never be able to enjoy or make the most of your college experience unless you can learn to relax and enjoy where you are right now. If you need therapy to help you see how fortunate you are to attend a 4 year college, then see someone.
Their transfer acceptance rate is extremely low. And they make you repeat a year so instead of going for two years I’d go for 3 and pay 70k per year
In post 9 you discuss transfers. Earlier you discussed grad school. How about the advice to stop obsessing or to get some counseling? Having these intense feelings year later is IMHO, not normal. Not insane – but unhealthy and may portend other deficiencies in coping ability. Do you really believe you need outside help or not?
All discussion about transfers or grad school should be off the table. It’s about your emotional balance and centering.
If you still have shirts with your dream school name, throw them out, give them away. just do not keep them. Get rid of anything connected with the school (except your dad). And put any thoughts about transfer and grad school out of your mind. Think of this as “breaking up” with your dream school.
I think going to the counseling center might help you sort out your inability to move on after a year. Often it helps to talk to someone who can give you more immediate feedback.
You love someone who doesn’t love you back, OP. Now please accept reality and you will find yourself enjoying where you are. There are always people to get along with, and if you aren’t finding them, than that’s a clear message that your unrequited love is turning people off.
“It sounds terrible but everyone from my school that went there I just couldn’t stand and when I would walk around campus I knew I wouldn’t fit in with the student body, idk it was just always pushed on me how great that school was”
@gomocs13 I’m confused - are you speaking here about the school you “love” or the one you attend now?
May I suggest you dive into some community service? You attend a school(FS) with tuition of +$30K/year and you’re sad b/c you can’t let go of BC. Your current surroundings aren’t rife with poverty but perhaps get out and see how most of the country lives. Get out and do some voluntarism. See if any of THOSE people wouldn’t give their left arms to switch places with YOU and your $120K eventual bachelors degree.
I truly am sorry for your disappointment but you’ve really lost a sense of perspective. You regret not being accepted by a school with tuition at $49K/year and have to settle for your private LAC. Tell that to the woman at the shelter with her kids. See what the cashier at the local grocery store has saved for his kids’ college fund. When you get your next meal on campus, imagine the car or apartment of the person who hands you your food with a big smile on her face – I’ll bet you anything she has no dreams that her kids can attend your school. The undocumented immigrant in the lot at Lowes hoping for a day job. Imagine switching places with him.
Maybe focusing on what you HAVE instead of what you don’t HAVE will get you off your navel-gazing and will allow you to let go of this emotional albatross. You’re really stifling your life for nothing. Your expectations were off to begin with. If you’re honest, you felt entitled to BC. Now that reality has hit you full frontal, you cling onto what “might have been”. Most people don’t or can’t live like that. You’re not going to go hungry or have your electricity cut off – ever. Your kids will probably go to college. Be glad about that, eh?
You mention your dad being an alum . . . do you think there could be some subconscious need to impress your dad, or have him approve of you? Might that be what’s really going on? Not saying it is - just wondering.
I like the idea of therapy very much. It might be productive to get to the root of something that’s bothering you a year later.
Why did you pick your current school? It couldn’t be more different than BC. It’s possible another school would be a better fit for you, even if it isn’t BC.
I agree with others…you have to take ownership of THIS school.
Buy your parents sweatshirts from your school.
Try to remember why you applied at this school…what makes it special?
Get involved in that special thing or quirkly school traditions.
Or get involved in community service or clubs.
Talk to the Counseling Center about this issue…if this is still bothering you then it is a big enough deal to talk to someone about.
If you truly don’t want to disappoint your parents, then just do well at the school you are at.
I picked it because they have guaranteed internships and study abroad. It’s much different from BC, school doesn’t have much spirit around sports, it’s significantly smaller, and Greek life overruns literally everything
@myjanda I’m talking about the school I was rejected from