<p>I've never had a serious relationship before, and I think my friendship with a girl here whom i've liked is going downhill because i 'sorta' asked her out (excuse the vagueness), and that didn't end too well for me. this is my first straight-out rejection, and it's making me rather depressed. i have finals starting next week, and for some reason I just can't get the person out of my mind, and so i must admit that this situation is affected me a little bit academically. Any suggestions on how to cope with this? Remain friends by pretending nothing happened or suck it up by trying to forget her?
Thanks everybody</p>
<p>Dude I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this story, not saying it takes any importance off of yours, but just saying that this being a common situation, should let you know your not alone. It happens to the best of us. Best thing? Time, honestly. Like if you really liked her, your not just gonna be like ok now I don't like her, matters of the heart don't work like that. What you should do is just keeping living your life man, don't even stress it. Your in college! There will be sooooo many other girls, trust me on this dude. See if you can be friends with her and if not, its whatever, at least you tried to be civil.</p>
<p>Realize the pain you feel is entirely due to your thoughts & imagination. It's one thing when a relationship ends; you've shared some good times together and now you realize there will never be any more moments like the ones you had. But with this girl, there never were any moments! You just imagined all these good things that were going to happen, and now you're sad they won't actually take place. But unless you can see into the future, they were no more real than being sad you're not going to be President or an astronaut. </p>
<p>Not only that, but you've probably amplified the problem by using the 3 P's often found in depression - permanent, pervasive, personal. Given you're inexperienced in relationships, you have probably think that the reasons she said no will always be there, that every girl will see you the same way, and that its due to something about you.</p>
<p>I don't mean to belittle you here, just to point out that your sadness is entirely the result of your self-talk & speculations about the future. Which actually should give you hope! There's a whole branch of psychology, cognitive therapy, devoted to helping people by uncovering errors in their thinking. It's especially effective on areas like depression. I'm not a psychologist or an expert in the area, but my understanding is that it boils down to challenging false beliefs and assumptions and replacing them with better alternatives. Write down what thoughts are going thru your mind when you feel sad about her, and then challenge them. In writing, on the same paper. The writing part actually turns out to be important in the process, to counteract the swarm of negative thoughts rushing thru your mind.</p>
<p>We all go through this. you're not alone and I just went through the same thing. </p>
<p>I had to delete her number and msn, and all txt messages just to forget about it. If you know it wont work, then disconnect completely. I relied on false hope for nearly a year until i got hit by the last nail in the coffin possible. </p>
<p>After that I've found success studying and concentrating in lecture, which I couldn't before. I'm glad that it finally ended. Just move on and I'm sure you'll be fine and find another one who's actually interested in you.</p>
<p>Thanks for the replies...they do comfort me quite a bit...and mikemac, I like your psychological approach; I believe it may be more healthy than trying on different emotions in the 'recovery' process.</p>
<p>Don't talk to her for a while, hang out with other friends. Thinks are going to be ackward so you might want to give it some time.</p>
<p>haha, nice use of CT/CBT there, mikemac!</p>
<p>Best of luck, stanford, we've all been there!</p>
<p>Look on the bright side, at least you had the guts to actually ask her out, you may not have succeeded with her but its a good thing overall. You didn't end up trying to be her best friend all the while having a huge thing for her and never telling her. You made your intentions clear and you were rejected...it happens to EVERY single one of us, but your already steps above many other guys who don't even have the nerve to ask a girl out then get really ****ed at themselves for not even asking.</p>
<p>Yeah. Good job for asking her out.</p>
<p>It's better to try and fail. No regrets.</p>
<p>It's best not to take it personally or dwell on it and move on.</p>