<p>My roommate this year was a really good friend last year. Towards the end of the last school year she got a boyfriend and we grew apart.</p>
<p>This year, she's bringing her boyfriend over on weeknights multiple times per week so they can have sex. I get kicked out of my room, and I can't go back in until they're done.
I prefer studying in my room to a library or lounge. I don't mind leaving so she can sleep. But it does bother me that I have to leave my room at least twice a week so my roommate can have sex. </p>
<p>Would it be unreasonable if I asked her to stop bringing her boyfriend over late at night on weekdays? She has plenty of opportunities on weekdays to have the room to herself - I'm hardly in my room at all during the day and on Mondays and Wednesdays I have practice from 7 to 9.</p>
<p>I’m a parent and not unaware of these issues, but I feel pretty strongly that if I am paying for my child’s room, she should be able to be in it.
This does not mean that these things can’t be worked out, as they obviously happen sometimes, but the room belongs first to you and your room mate, and each needs to have access to it when you need to.
I think it’s possible to work this out to where she knows when you will be out of the room and when you need to be in the room. The main thing is for you two to communicate and be respectful of each other. You don’t have to be sexiled at all, but if you are not in the room, she can know this ahead of time and then figure out how to meet with her boyfriend.</p>
<p>Kicking you out of the room without notice is uncalled for.</p>
<p>On the other hand, it’s reasonable to want some time alone - they just aren’t asking for it reasonably.</p>
<p>I think you should be willing to give them a block of time alone provided they use the time you’re out anyways or your roommate gives 24 hours notice. And even then, you can always say no. But no advance warning, no dice. They can have some privacy, but they can’t treat you like a servant.</p>
<p>Tell them the room is free M+W 7-9 for their sexy time.
You will not be sexiled ANYMORE.
Grow a backbone and cover your bed/side of the room with a tarp.</p>
<p>I don’t get this whole “sexiled” thing. Some of you need to stop being pushovers. They could be butt naked, but I’m not leaving my room unless I feel like it.</p>
<p>It’s never unreasonable to not let your roommate kick you out of your own room. Talk to her about it and set up an arrangement that works for you. They’re welcome to go to his place, but she can’t kick you out of your room without your permission.</p>
<p>Seems like my response was the milder one- but for the record, I wish this was never an issue. You have every right to stay in your room and you should. Like any difference between room mates, you two need to come to some agreement.</p>
<p>It’s likely that you and your room mate are going to be sharing a room for a while at least, and hopefully you will be able to negotiate your differences. You can take the stand that the boyfriend does not stay in the room at all, or you could compromise to some extent, but regardless, you two need to be able to sit down and talk together.</p>
<p>I think it would be a good idea to be proactive- to talk with her in private (not when the boyfriend is there) and tell her you want to have access to your room when you want. You can give her your class schedule and make some arrangement to communicate any changes with her. You can’t really dictate what she does when you are not in the room, but her love life is her problem, not yours. As long as you are willing to be sexiled, she’s going to think it’s OK.</p>
<p>Room mates can have different ideas about their room, but should be able to work them out. Hopefully you two can develop a better way to negotiate. However, if after you two have talked, she continues to ignores your right to access the room, then do not leave. I think if this happens, then you and she may not be compatible room mates.</p>
<p>I agree with the idea of negotiating some reasonable times when it will not be disruptive to you, will allow you to plan ahead, and will not be too frequent or too lengthy. </p>
<p>If they want to spend more time alone than that, then they can kick out the boyfriend’s roommate.</p>
<p>Why aren’t they spending more time at his place? It’s ridiculous to expect you to constantly be leaving your room so they can get it on. Have a talk with your roommate ASAP. Give them your schedule and let them know that they can do that when you’re in class. Other times have to be negotiated at least a week ahead of time.</p>
<p>I do not understand why there has to be any “negotiation.” It’s your SHARED room. If they want privacy, they can pay for a hotel room. You have the right to be there 24/7. Period.</p>
<p>While it is NOT OK to sexile someone multiple times a week, it is absolutely acceptable to ask for a little bit of alone time (with or without others) every once in a while. Just because it’s a shared room doesn’t mean there isn’t room for negotiation. </p>
<p>OP, talk to your roommate about times you’re going to be out of the room when she can have it. She can’t force you to leave. If you don’t want to leave, say no. If it becomes an issue get the RA involved- that’s what they’re there for.</p>
<p>I’m so glad that I have a studio, costs more but I don’t have to deal with any potentially troublesome roommates.</p>
<p>But yes, you’re also paying for that room. So tell her to screw off somewhere else like a motel room. No negotiation needed, if need be take it up with the housing office or the RA.</p>