<p>This is a follow up to my basement-dwelling veg-kid post.</p>
<p>Scenario--The "late bloomer" decides that he is going to have to toe the line and go to college. His GF just graduated with BS Bio., left for home (out of state) and he suddenly realizes he doesn't have much to offer as marriage material security wise. He's officially 4 years behind. Still doesn't know <em>what</em> field to aim for-- he's more in tune with what he doesn't want.</p>
<p>Problem 1: Last foray (at a community college in another state) was a dismal failure for non-attendance. He'd be on probation.</p>
<p>Problem 2: SAT scores were not the greatest. He took them in 1999-2000 time frame during the beginning of his "scholastic rebellion" period.</p>
<p>What are his options and how can I best help this 21 year old aside from some monetary assistance?</p>
<p>I don't see any one running to help you out. I think "not enough information" is the prime reason. what has veggiekid been doing of late??? Need to elaborate more.</p>
<p>Has he been working at a job and realized that he needs a degree to get ahead?
What does he like to do what is he good at?
How has he been supporting himself?</p>
<p>I had a veggiekid for awhile. He had to pay rent, did his own laundry, had to let me know where going and when returning...he lasted 3 months. Took any job he could get to be self-supporting. Funny thing, though. He has a female roomate who...
1. makes him pay rent
2. makes him do his own laundry
3.and oftentimes wants to know where he's going and when he's coming back!!</p>
<p>This late bloomer (non-bloomer may be a more apt name) may benefit from some counseling, and not from mom or dad. That's the first thing I'd pay for, if this were my kid, before I spent another dollar on tuition.</p>
<p>We had friends who coddled their son as he flunked out of one pricey school, ditched classes at the local branch of the state university and finally said he had to work for 1 year consistently before they would pay another cent. He did 2 years at the local CC and then 2 years at the local branch of the state university. He is now in an MBA program at Tulane, but it took 8 years to get the BA...</p>
<p>Has your son shown sustained commitment to any endeavor? What about that endeavor made him stick with it? How can this information help to figure out what to do next? I would certainly not spend a lot of money before there was an inkling of an answer to this question...</p>
<p>I didn't read the other thread, sorry, but are there are other confounding factors? Such that counseling is indicated, for example?</p>
<p>Ok. some of this will be rehash from the other thread.
He worked odd jobs to make money: tanning salon, waiter, COSTCO, waiter again, prep cook, line cook. Theme has been more culinary and he thinks he would like to go to a <em>good</em> culinary school that would go beyond the typical offerings seen at a community college.</p>
<p>Since he messed up and wasted our $, he has developed an idee fixe that he <em>must</em> pay his own way. Honestly, he can't make enough money where we live and he is currently unemployed in an area with few opportunities. (Mouthed off to another employee while he was under high stress situation). He also needs a car since his was totalled--not his fault. So you can see all the strikes. He doesn't know how to get out of this situation given the justaposition of the past and present, so seems "frozen". Under his own power, he may never get to the point of affording the costs. </p>
<p>He's not stupid. This is all the result of rebellion alone which has caused much anguish. He feels badly but can't undo the consequences.</p>
<p>Re-counseling. It was offered and affordable while he was on our insurance. He wouldn't make the appointment (call). We were not allowed to set up anything for him as he was 18. Most of his issues likely derive from an authoritarian father as far as school performance goes. Not all kids respond to being bullied to excel.</p>
<p>My sister attended Johnson and Wales in Providence after leaving her conventional college situation after 1 semester. She has had a fabulous career..</p>
<p>But, it sounds like your son has attitudinal issues as well...probably related to repeated disappointment, but maybe also the cause of the disappointment..</p>
<p>Has he thought about a stint in the military. A difficult suggestion in the context of the modern era, but he would have a chance to stand on his own 2 feet, show himself and others what he is capable of, try some career options, earn money for college, etc.</p>
<p>If he were to try to re-enter a CC, or some conventional learning situation, he would need to set short term and very achievable goals (the goal setting would help in general, if he would buy in)...Some sort of assessment (might be easier for him to accept assessment than counseling) by a career specialist might also be useful-- including at least a cursory look at his educational skills to see where those stand.</p>
<p>If he wants to pay himself, but can't afford to...how about paying and letting him repay "no interest loans" to you. I think it is very important that he feel like he is part of the solution...not just that he is the problem...</p>
<p>My advice....he needs to move out.....never good when he has to stare mom and dad in the face even if you don't keep reminding him of his "screw-ups." If you have the money, I would give him one last shot at a good culinary school.....someplace where he could board...CIA in Hyde PArk or there's a good one in W Philly near PENN. He can room with others so as to cut down the costs. He can work part time to cover any major expenses. He can wait tables or even do some catering on the side if he likes to cook. But being a chef is a passionate life with sometimes not many financial rewards. GOOD LUCK! We were close to the disaster phase with both our sons and they somehow pulled out of a tailspin. Finding a stable girl sometimes helps...but ours haven't as of yet...they just major fear the IRS at this point, not so much mom and dad!</p>
<p>Does he like being outdoors? There is a very highly regarded college that I learned about here (someone will help us out with the name, I'm sure) that might be an option. It's men only, in some remote area of... Wyoming? Montana? All classes are seminar-style, with faculty living among the students. Costs are very low because the young men are expected to do ranch work in exchange for tuition. They transfer after 1-2 years and have very good luck getting into top notch colleges.</p>
<p>Yes, I think it is Deep Springs. It admits only 26 students; they often turn down HYPSM for Deep Springs, but then move on to these colleges once they have completed their studies at Deep Springs (2 years).</p>
<p>Just a question...why does mackinaw say military would reject him? I don't see anything so terrible other than he has just screwed up and doesn't know how to fix it...maybe there is some depression, too (God knows, it's a depressing situation) and that can render one immobile...has he had a complete physical recentlyl? Counseling probably would help but you can't force it...what about one of these "life coach" people? Is there somewhere he could do some volunteer work...it may sound silly, but it would get him out of his rut...or could he offer to work somewhere for "free" just for the experience...I don't know how practical that is, just brainstorming...</p>
<p>BTW...I can relate to Three's "authoritarian father" situation...I have a husband like that...I am probably too lenient, so we somewhat balance each other...</p>
<p>sgiovinc1,
Tell me what you know about the rep of the culinary school in W. Philly. That's near his GF and would be his preference as far as location. He's more than willing to work his way through. He was interested in culinary school since HS and wanted to go to NE Culinary School, but his father (my ex) nixed it because of the high cost. His Dad took him to a military recruiter to see if he would be interested in that.</p>
<p>He did attend "Boot Camp" in the army in his Jr. year of HS to see what it was all about. He decided not to join up permanently (to my relief especially given the Iraq situation now) since it was not what he had been led to expect by the recruiter and due to physical problems involving his bones. He did well for many weeks and enjoyed much of it--made lots of friends. However, he wouldn't consider it now. </p>
<p>Son1 isn't much of an outdoor he-man kind of guy (though I bet my youngest son would eat up a situation like that Western college!) He is more artistic-creative and sensitive--a people person who doesn't lack for friends since he is really amusing. Most people like him right away.
We're willing to help him get to college if it comes to the wire, but I also think the car is a necessity for a 21 year old to help him get away.
I know this sounds weird, but there are an awful lot of the huge McMansions with families that are going to see ridiculously large for just a couple to live in after the kids go off to college. What do you bet that we will see a lot of kids coming home to roost--especially since the houses are large enough for people to keep out of each other's way? (I say this because we live in a huge, though older house and I hardly know they are around except when in the kitchen)</p>
<p>It was Deep Springs I was thinking of, after googling and looking at their website. It sounds like such a great place for the right person. Too bad about it being so selective. I think a lot of kids, esp boys, would benefit from that sort of approach. Sort of the benefits of both college and the military, minus the risk of getting blown up.</p>
<p>Found this on the Deep Springs website under FAQs:</p>
<p>"Are there other colleges like Deep Springs?
Deep Springs is unique in the nature and extent of its commitment to the principle of student self-governance and the integrity of labor to the program. However, there are a number of other schools that share the values of high student involvement, experiential learning, a relatively small size, and close student-faculty cooperation. You might want to look at Antioch College in Ohio, Berea College in Kentucky, the College of the Atlantic in Maine, the Evergreen State College in Washington, Prescott College in Arizona, Warren Wilson College in North Carolina, and Western Washington University's Fairhaven College."</p>
<p>It sounds like this kid has gotten a significant hold on reality at this point. Seems like he has a relationship with a motivating girl, has found something he enjoys and has probably figured out that mouthing off will often get you fired. If you, the parents, think he has learned some hard lessons and is ready to focus, I would help him in any way you can. I would set down clear expectations for grades, attendance and whatever else is necessary that continuing help would depend on.</p>
<p>I agree to help.
I have posted earlier that I dropped out of high school when my father died, and moved out before I turned 18. I tried to go to community college and work to pay for it, but paying for room and board too was hard.
a little bit of parental encouragement and support at that point could have made all the difference.</p>