<p>This is my first time posting on the college life board, so for this question, I am looking to ask some college age people who might know the nuances of my generation. I am an engineering major. At Honors Day, there were 4 ECE people majors honored. I was one of them, and there was only one female honored from ECE. There were 12 people honored out of over 300 in our department. Now, I want to ask this girl out, or at least revive our former friendship, but she won't talk to me ever since I wanted to ask her out and expressed wishes to break her up with her boyfriend.</p>
<p>She accepted my apology and was even smiling when she said so. She said that she hoped we would be friends again. However, she has not spoken to me since, and I am afraid to speak to her because I fear I will make her angry. I really want us to be friends again after we get back from our internships this summer. I would love it if we were dating, as I have never ever went on a date in my 21 years of life. However, I should accept that despite the fact that she sometimes acts like she is interested (caught her looking at me a few times, blushing and such), we probably will only get to friendship level.</p>
<p>I would really like some help with this situation. Please comment. Thank you.</p>
<p>Get over your desire to date her right now. Seriously, it will screw things up big time.</p>
<p>I'm not saying you can't date her, but focus on a friendship first. Pretend she's just a regular person that you want to be friends with, and at the very least, you will have a great new friend.</p>
<p>And maybe, just maybe, it will turn into something more, but you'll know it when it happens, and in the mean time, you won't have to worry.</p>
<p>She doesn't want to talk to you. It also sounds like she doesn't want to be your friend. I think you should reconsider why you want to go out with her in the first place. Usually, people want to go out with people whom they like, but how can you like her if you don't even speak to her? Look for someone else, imo.</p>
<p>Deep breath... calm down... take a step back.</p>
<p>Expressing your interest in a girl is usually a good thing. Expressing the desire for her to break off a relationship is usually not a good thing. (The only times it would be good is if the relationship is bad for her or abusive - and then there is NO reason that she should rebound with anone.) </p>
<p>I think she's trying to communicate with you that she does not want to date you. If you really can't be friends with her without trying to date her, spare yourself the torture. As an engineer, you probably don't meet many women - because engin. is mostly men and most engineers take all their classes with the same people. Get out, meander over to a few liberal arts classes, and meet other women.</p>
<p>I'm usually a big proponent of being friends before you date... one of my exes liked me for three years before getting up the nerve to ask me out (fyi: we broke up only when I moved 700 miles away for grad school!). Good relationship... and I think we both wish that he had said something sooner (see fyi above). The best relationships are based on friendship... but relationships can also really wreck otherwise good friendships. Been there, done that - and it takes a ton of patience and energy to repair a friendship after the relationship doesn't work out.</p>
<p>First --- bad move by trying to ask her to break up with her boyfriend. Put yourself in her shoes, does that sound like someone you'd want to be friends with.</p>
<p>You gotta suppress your anxiety towards her. She obviously knows you are interested in her...you don't need to tell her that anymore.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>If you want to smooth over the relationship, you have to tell yourself that you just want to be friends with her. If you tell yourself that you like her, chances are you will always get more nervous and not have a casual friendship. Your best bet is to try to work and gain a solid friendship and if she breaks up her bf (how long have they been going out?) then you can change your approach a little. But seriously, I would try to go out and meet more girls in the meanwhile.</p>
<p>I'll ignore your past with her and try to give you pointers for the future...</p>
<p>If you're having problems reading her, you need to figure out if she's truly interested in being your friend/more or if she's just being polite by saying so. Write her a brief email and say that you've missed being friends with her and you hope you can hang out sometime.
Don't say anything about dating. Don't go on about how much you've missed her. Don't sound desperate! Just make your interest in her friendship noticeable and genuine. Take small, simple steps that won't overwhelm her.</p>
<p>Definitely go along the lines of friendship first. The base of any relationship should always be friendship, and it sounds as if you have a ways to go before you get there. Remember that a relationship is between TWO people. Don't force anything or put pressure on her to date.</p>
<p>youre certainly a big time loser if you havent dated anyone by the age of 21 dude, move on find another girl, there many more fishes in the sea!</p>
<p>OK, I am going to run by you guys a sample e-mail to this girl to make sure I meet the criteria you guys say I need. Here it is:</p>
<p>L,
Hi. Haven't talked to you in a while. I was wondering if you and some other people would like to hang out sometime, maybe before your internship or something. Talk to me if you want to do so.</p>
<p>B</p>
<p>So kc_lady and everyone else who wants to comment, what do you think?</p>
<p>Do you have her phone number? If so, call, don't e-mail.</p>
<p>And I'd go with something like this...</p>
<p>"hey I haven't seen you in a while, a bunch of friends and I are going out to <insert something="" here=""> and you should join us."</insert></p>
<p>or just</p>
<p>"hey I'm looking for something fun to do this weekend and I haven't talked to you in forever, lets hang out."</p>
<p>Don't give her the option of turning you down, pretend that she's has already said yes. And don't be vague, offer something specific that she'd actually want to do.</p>
<p>First of all, don't listen to TheHunk... any one who comes up with that SN and tells other people they're losers is trying to hide something... like the fact that they aren't a hunk, and they have extreme girl trouble of their own.</p>
<p>Under other circumstances I would say to call her, but if you're nervous and don't know how things will blow over with her, I would do an email. It isn't like you're asking to marry her or anything. An email is a perfectly acceptable casual form of communication, especially for the nervous.</p>
<p>I would agree with stoke- make yourself sound more confident, don't give her the option of saying no. (She does of course always have the option to say no, but don't just GIVE it to her). I would also suggest saying what you're doing- a movie, a party, a roadtrip, a walk, etc. It's easier to commit if you know what you're going to be doing. Otherwise I think you have a great start.</p>
<p>I probably will e-mail her, since it would really awkward for me to call her. The problem is, what do we do? I really want to tell her what we would be doing while hanging out together. I'm not sure that we could go to each other's homes, because they are at least 45-50 kilometers away from each other. What do girls like to do with guys who are around college age (21 years)? I agree with meeting at a neutral site to do something, but I don't want it to sound like I'm asking her out on a date. Suggestions?</p>
<p>Find out something on campus- a concert, some free thing in your town, a street fair, exploring a park. FInd some event in your town and say, hey wanna go? Its much less stressful if you are walking around and looking at stuff .</p>
<p>A volunteer activity is always good Seriouslly.</p>
<p>Yeah emails from a guy that I normally dont get emails from will be awkward. Definitely use instant messaging! And then you'll know her answer right away!</p>
<p>It sounds like you need to work on your general social skills. And the best way to do it is just to meet as many girls as you can. Start aproaching random people and introducing yourself. You'll fail horribly with some of them, but you'll be learning and getting less nervous. It's not looking good for you and this one girl if you can't call her and can't think of anything to do with her. Ask her to do something that you like doing, and your enthusiasm and enjoyment will make her enjoy it too.</p>
<p>I like Stoke's suggestion. Adopt a habit of smiling and greeting everyone who see (or, if that's hard, everyone who is familiar - in a class with your or the like). </p>
<p>Ask her if she would like to hang out the next time you run into her. Just say that - you haven't seen her in a while and want to spend time with her.</p>