Girl Problem: Somewhat Unique...I Guess

Colleges & Universities A-Z University of California - Los Angeles
1

<p>I have been involved in a strong relationship with a UCLA student for the past year or so. Our relationship has gone through some major hurdles (most notably this summer, where I was completing a fellowship on the east coast and she was in California but we got through it).</p>

<p>However, as of late I have been doing a lot of thinking about our future together. She is a fourth-year pre-med student (I am also a fourth year but I major in Political Science). I have always noticed that she struggles academically. She has not done well in her pre-reqs and still wishes to aspire to become a medical doctor. </p>

<p>I realized that there were certain things that were wrong about her. Primarily her work habits and her attitude towards school. She takes school seriously but she never puts in the time to do well instead she thinks being involved in 100 other EC's will get her into medical school.</p>

<p>I have done my research and with her GPA and just how she hasn't been able to juggle things I realize it will be a tall order for her to get into any school. However, that isn't the problem, the problem is that I feel I am with a girl that isn't doing anything. I love her to death but I just feel we are two different types of people. I will be graduating from UCLA this year and I am currently applying to law school (3.86 GPA with a 169 LSAT). I feel like my life is going places, and unfortunatley I cannot say the same about hers.</p>

<p>She has really struggled as a student and just as a UCLA student as a whole (left two jobs because of poor performance) and also never commits to EC's (she just does what she thinks will look good).</p>

<p>I just had my alumni interview at Northwestern University and they asked me "How would I feel about leaving California?"</p>

<p>I didn't answer the question because I just was in no position to say anything meaningful. But I realize now I would be elated to leave California and start a new life, and starting a new life with a new woman.</p>

<p>What do I do? I care about her a lot (she is the first girl friend I have ever had) but f--k...I just wish she was on top of her sh--. She is a bright girl but I am just like why can't she seem to get her head on straight about being a student (after three years) and just be realistic with her ambitions.</p>

2

<p>Of course people change and right now it seems like a definitive personality trait that's bothered you over time. Even if you love her to death, you're going to face the issue whether or not it's a worthy investment to pursue a long-distance relationship (a very likely scenario) whether or not she gets into medical school. </p>

<p>So it's been three years. What happens after three years? Do you take it to the next step or do you prolong the inevitable by logging in a few more years, still being in love, but bothered by the reality of her future? It's a question of incentives and frankly, it's not so black and white that you choose one or the other or that her ambitions are the only variable that forces you to make a decision. </p>

<p>Just looking at circumstances, it would be inevitable to face the LDR question. And it sounds like you've already made your decision ("But I realize now I would be elated to leave California and start a new life, and starting a new life with a new woman"). The rest is just following up by having an honest conversation with her and seeing that you can distance yourself from her and look towards the future. </p>

<p>She's your first girlfriend, your first love, etc. At least you've reconciled the issue that she probably isn't your soul mate and that you'll find others.</p>

3

<p>First of all, congrats on that amazing GPA and LSAT score. </p>

<p>Now, to respond to your post...I can understand why your decision is extremely difficult. Everyone remembers their first love, and it's really hard to break that off...I had to do it too and it hurt me a lot inside, but over time you'll realize that it's for the better. I can't tell you to break up with her, or stay with her, because only you know deep inside whether she's the one for you or not. I just have one thing to say...never let a girl stand in the way of your career...I've seen it ruin a lot of lives and to be honest, it's almost always something that everyone regrets. </p>

<p>Some last words of advice, be honest with yourself and be honest with her. Who knows, maybe you just need to sit back and watch how things unfold.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

4

<p>
[quote]
But I realize now I would be elated to leave California and start a new life, and starting a new life with a new woman.

[/quote]
Sounds like you already know the right answer ...</p>

5

<p>


</p>

<p>That's a pretty bold statement. How do you know she is not the one? How will you know with certainty that years later you look back on your life and not regret losing her because you put your career first? The truth is that with that mentality your significant other will always be second behind your career, and who would want to do that? With an attitude like that there is a possibility of ending up alone.</p>

6

<p>
[quote]
With an attitude like that there is a possibility of ending up alone.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I disagree. It seems that this situation right now does not predict future relationships in which he'll put his career before his sig-o. All situations are unique. Anyway, I'm only here to say that, and to echo that you already answered your own question. Good luck talking to her.</p>

7

<p>
[QUOTE]
That's a pretty bold statement. How do you know she is not the one? How will you know with certainty that years later you look back on your life and not regret losing her because you put your career first? The truth is that with that mentality your significant other will always be second behind your career, and who would want to do that? With an attitude like that there is a possibility of ending up alone.

[/QUOTE]
</p>

<p>etti is right, you are wrong. career > relationships. once you get settled into a stable career then you can deal with relationships.</p>

8

<p>I understand that u want someone who has the same mind set and on the same page. But just because she doesn't do well in school doesn't mean she has no future. U said she's a bright person. Being a doctor might not be her calling then if she's not doing well. If u really love her, no matter how stupid or dumb or lazy she is, u would still want to be with her and take care of her right?</p>

<p>Although I completely understand ur situation, I think u might want to wait for a while. U guys are still college students. Life doesn't end here, and school isn't everything. If the only thing that bugs u is her school performance, then u might wanna ask her about other dreams of hers. Ask what if u can't get into medical school, what's next? etc.</p>

<p>But if ur love to her is fading, then i guess that's a different story</p>

<p>ps. she might be good at cooking, taking care of u, or u can see that she will be an excellent mother of ur child...then y would u let her go?</p>

<p>from a girl perspective ...</p>

9

<p>Folks...this is great feedback.</p>

<p>However there is more to it then just how she is doing in school and just her ambitions. </p>

<p>I feel that she doesn't truly care for me. So many times I made myself avaliable to her. I would always go to her dorm (and last year her apartment which was on Veteran), I always pay for lunch, dinner, whatever you name it. I have gone out of my way to getting her gifts (Ipod, autographed poster, front row tickets to a concert she wanted to go to, and the list doesn't end there).</p>

<p>Then there is the issue with privacy. She is always quick to going through my e-mails and facebook messages (just out of curosity to see what I am up too). She always makes it a situation where if I say no, I will be accused of not trusting her. Often times I say "Whatever...look through them" (And inside I am just boiling). I have expressed to her how I don't want her going through my e-mails but it doesn't seem to register. But when it comes down to maybe if I were to do the same thing she is like "No." </p>

<p>On numerous occuasions we hold each other and I tell her how much I love her, she smiles and she says "I like when you say that." At the best she says "I care for you" (Which is good enough for me). But I just feel I am giving way tooooooooooo much of myself for her when all I get is nothing in return (maybe a card, a hug, and maybe visit to my place). The most hurthful part about all this is that she hasn't even told her parents about me. I told my parents that I was seeing an amazing girl and they trusted my judgement (alot of dealt with the fact that my sister and her are good friends).</p>

<p>I love her alot but I just feel I have done to much and now in a position where I really have to ask, is it worth it?</p>

10

<p>


</p>

<p>What if that takes you too long? What if I was an investment banker and I was planning on doing just that in my personal life this year? Obviously, things would not be going according to plan right about now for me. How long will it take for me to get a stable job? Would my significant other wait for me?</p>

<p>====================================================================
Bruinforlife2009,</p>

<p>Obviously it is a onesided relationship, and you are no longer satisfied with it. Unrequited love sucks. Just talk to her about it, and you should probably move on.</p>

11

<p>I'm going to say it again, never let a relationship interfere with your career. I'm not even going to further explain myself, because it has been proven time and time again in history that building a stable financial foundation before a serious relationship builds a lasting relationship for the future. Ask your elders, ask someone who's been in a serious relationship, and they'll tell you the same thing. </p>

<p>This is just general advice: If you're really that worried about finding that special someone after securing yourself in a career, then chances are, you're not ready for a relationship at all. Those are signs of insecurity. If you're insecure about yourself, building a lasting relationship will be very difficult for you. Be confident! Success will overcome insecurities in your life, and things will eventually fall into place.</p>

<p>bruinforlife2009,</p>

<p>I hate to say it, but if she hasn't introduced you to her parents, and you have...then to be honest, it's a one-sided relationship. Have you talked to her about this? It seems as if she doesn't respect you as much as you respect her, and that's signs of a weak relationship. Another thing, it seems as if you love her, and she thinks she loves you. Her idea of love, may be love to her...but really it's not. I'm sorry if you're offended by this statement, but I've experienced this first-hand and I know many failed relationships based on this. The truth is, every girl (in fact every person, but in a relationship this pertains to girls way more) wants to hear and feel that they are loved. They don't have to return it, why should they, if she doesn't "love" him? To her, he's just there for support and comfort. In college, it is very common (once again sorry for targeting you ladies, much love to you all), for girls to be in (and stay in) a relationship for many other reasons besides TRUE love. MANY reasons, that I can't name because I'm not that wise...but I know some to be 1.) loneliness (away from home, away from family, friends), 2.) comfort and support, 3.) the norm (hey i want to have boyfriend/girlfriend...I think I'm mature for this...I think...etc. But then again everyone should experience failed relationships so that they can be better each time...so just read number 1 and 2.</p>

<p>Also, I may be going a little too far with this statement and I apologize in advance if this offends you, but I just have to warn you that if she's checking your e-mail and invading your privacy, constantly, because she is insecure about your faithfulness to the relationship...she could be cheating on you. The proven mindset behind this, is..."If it's so easy for me to cheat on him, couldn't he be cheating on me as well?" </p>

<p>hmm...</p>

<p>BUT, keep in mind that when a man suspects his significant other of cheating, they are WRONG 90-95% of the time. When a woman suspects her significant other of cheating on her, they are RIGHT about 70-80% of the time. (These are valid statistics. I read this somewhere recently from a very reliable news source, but forgot where, so unfortunately I can't link you. You're just going to have to believe me.) </p>

<p>Well I'm done. I trust that you're wise and mature enough to make this important decision for yourself. Once again, best of luck to you.</p>

12

<p>Well...honestly, I don't think she loves you. Maybe just keeping u for now because she doesn't want to be lonely or something...but this is not how u express "love."</p>

<p>I have a boyfriend and I can't stop talking about him. He hasn't met my parents but that's because they live in a different country. Sure, going through ur emails and facebook is pretty normal for gf to do, but she doesn't let u do the same thing to her is definitely suspicious. Also, she hasn't said "I love u"??? that is so unacceptable. I can't believe u guys r even in a relationship for this long.</p>

<p>Anyway, well what's good about her then? there must be some.</p>

13

<p>Wikipedian has obviously been reading/watching too many romance related literature and films. YOU FOOL!!!!</p>

<p>Yea, I agree. put your career first. make some big money so you can buy a ferrari and get women 10X hotter.</p>

<p>Love doesn't pay unless you're a pimp. Cuz then you can sell the vagina.</p>

14

<p>
[quote]
ps. she might be good at cooking, taking care of u, or u can see that she will be an excellent mother of ur child...then y would u let her go?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>I puked in my mouth a little.</p>

<p>Yeah, it sounds one-sided what you have so far, but you're only focusing on the bad things right now. Tell us the good things when you're in a better mood, then compare your posts.</p>

15

<p>wait. she knows you're passwords?</p>

16

<p>from the way she did in her jobs and ECs, schools, and also the ways she treated u, I find the person is pretty fake and unrealistic. It would be a big problem to live with such kind of person for a whole life. But if you love her "to death" then u should ask yourself if you can suffer a hard life for your love ^_^
I feel it would be good that she can't get into a medical school though, otherwise, a lot of patient may be suffered a lot or be delayed in receiving treatment because of her style ........</p>

17

<p>Is she Asian? :rolleyes:</p>

18

<p>No, she is not Asian.</p>

<p>What does race have to do with this if you don't mind me asking?</p>

19

<p>Culture!!!!!!!</p>

<p>Are you Asian?</p>

20

<p>Fair enough and I am not Asian either.</p>