<p>Hi, I've never been on this site before and I know you probably get a thread like this once a week. I'm struggling right now with my recently (2 days ago) exed girlfriend of 10 months.<br>
We had a very happy relationship with few bumps. I told her things like "You're the only girl for me," and "I want to be with you forever." That was how I felt. Then this little thing called college came along...
I always promised her things like "We'll be just fine in college," which I thought was how it was going to be until I got here and saw so many things that I wanted to do but that I was never going to be able to do with a GF. Not just partying and stuff like that, which I'm not a big party animal, but just having no responsibilities other than school (no job). Also, I see girls everyday that I find attractive and compare them to her. She's no swimsuit modle, but she's attractive and very loving. I know I'm a shining example of the phrase "out of sight, out of mind," but I can't help it. Plus there are a few individual girls that I'm interested in.
So I drove an hour and a half to her college Wednesday night to tell her. She's not too far away, so I wouldn't call it a LDR, more like medium distance. Well, I felt like I had to do it in person and that it would be cowardly for me to do over the phone or AIM.
The poor girl even held onto the thought that I was coming to surprise her with something (Surprise!). She said things like "How could you?" and "So you're just ****ting on everything we had?" It's the truth: We had it good. Her family liked me and mine liked her. There was nothing wrong.
That's part of the reason I feel so bad about it and why it's so hard. There wasn't really anything wrong. I just feel like I would do better on my own. Actually, I don't know if I'll do better on my own, but I want to risk it. I want to see other girls. I want to take a gamble.<br>
Now I feel bad. But only when I'm reminded of her. I even went on a date with one of the girls I was interested in last night and I enjoyed it very much until I got back home and talked to her. The thought that I might be making a mistake kept going through my mind. But also the thought, "You never know's right unless you know what's wrong," was as well.
Can someone give me advice on this situation? If I'm doing the right thing, what can I do to feel better about breaking this poor girl's heart? She said that she would wait for me if I changed my mind, but only for so long, which is sort of comforting. Was I suffering from "Grass is Greener" syndrome? Any help would be greatly appreciated and sorry this is so long. I just wanted to give as much information as possible. Thanks.</p>
<p>You beat her to the punch, that's all. Time will fade this away. In fact, what you did was honorable in many ways. You didn't lie or cheat, you were honest about it, not many have the balls to do it that way. I wish I'd handled some of my relationship endings the way you did.</p>
<p>Honestly, no one can know the answer to this but yourself.</p>
<p>Here's a thought, though. It's just the beginning of the year, and you made the decision to break up with her pretty fast after getting to school. This probably signals one of two things:
a. The relationship wasn't as strong as you thought it was, if a couple of attractive girls and the thought of new possibilities make it so easy to break up with her, or
b. You're being rash by not even trying to make the semi-long distance thing work, at least for a couple months.</p>
<p>If it's A, then you did the right thing to break up with her. But if it's B, then it might be worth taking her back for a few months of "trial period" to see how it goes. Maybe after a few months you'll either realize that this girl is the best thing that ever happened to you and it'll be worth it to have a long-distance relationship with her, or you'll realize that you want to grow and try new things and date new girls, in which case you break up with her again, but at least you know you tried. Or maybe she'll realize that she needs to get away, too.</p>
<p>Nobody here can tell you which one of those possibilities is true. But ask yourself... if you really, truly wanted to be with her forever, then how come all it took was an hour and a half of distance, and a bunch of hot girls, to get you to the point where you felt that you needed to break up with her? I'm sure you meant it when you said it, but that doesn't mean it's still true.</p>
<p>You can't stay in a relationship for other people just because you feel bad. It's nice that you had a good relationship but clearly you are ready for different things and that's really, 100% normal. The fact that you only feel bad about it when you're reminded of her means that it's probably a really good thing you got out of that relationship when you did. If you're as out of sight, out of mind as you suggest, it's better than you ended it before things happened that might've hurt her even more. It sucks to get broken up with, but it sucks even more to be lied to or cheated on or whatever. So really, it was the best thing you could've done. </p>
<p>I don't necessarily think that you can be held to promises you made prior to actually experiencing college. It might've been misleading, but if you honestly had a change of heart after you got to school you really can't be held to it. </p>
<p>She'll heal and you'll be happier exploring or whatever you want to do and you'll both just...get over it. Breakups suck but really. This was only one in what will probably be a string of serious relationships in both of your lives. You'll look back on it fondly I'm sure but I think you did the right thing.</p>
<p>What I meant is that I'm not all that sad if I'm not reminded of her. I'm the one that gets her out of my mind. It's when I talked to her last night and she sounded as if she accepted what I did, even if she didn't like it or understand why. She hardly crossed my mind when I was with the new girl last night. I don't know if that's good or bad.<br>
I know that this isn't the end of the world. I just wish she would realize that and understand. Do you think she will understand one day?</p>
<p>She definitely will. Probably fairly soon, even, when she starts to realize that there are hot guys at her school, too.</p>
<p>she'll understand, but don't necessarily expect her to remain best friends with her. You can't have it both ways. If you wanted to part ways friendly, you should have done it before you went away, not after.</p>
<p>Understandable. That doesn't bother me so much except for the fact that her grandma and grandpa are both sick. I wish I could be there for her if something happens to them.</p>
<p>She has her family and other friends for support. You seem to be looking for reasons to discount the decision you made. Look forward. Limit your contact and focus on new friendships.</p>
<p>experience college.. enjoy yourself... this is a new beginning for you...you'll find someone else... as will your ex.. in the end ... its prolly the best move..</p>
<p>agree with Opie, you did the honorable thing. And from what you've said, it sounds like she's well on her way to accepting it. To be honest, this may one day come back to your credit. She's going to see lots of her friends at college go thru the dance in long-distance relationships only to break up at Thanksgiving or Xmas; and it will hurt a lot more if those guys were seeing other girls while they were supposedly still dating.</p>
<p>By saying that I'm worried about her family members, I don't mean that I want to keep communicating like that. I basically don't want her to hurt as bad and indirectly make myself feel better. Would it be wrong to call once a week or see to see how things are? I think that may be too often. I wouldn't bring up anything about my current relations.</p>
<p>its fine she'll live stop worryin go do ur thing</p>
<p>"Would it be wrong to call once a week or see to see how things are?"</p>
<p>Not a good idea because since she still cares for you, you'd be basically holding out false hope that you'll change your mind about the breakup.</p>
<p>dont revolve around her.</p>
<p>Hey, pyschologists have proven it, the late adolescene/early 20s years are a time of enormous self-growth and when we being to discover our identity as human beings. These are usually the most unstable, unconventional years. How can you expect to experience that inner growth so commonly identified with the college years when you feel so deeply responsible to another person? </p>
<p>I know it's easier said than done, but remember that you have a long life ahead of you, and there is no such thing as mistakes in life, only life. Sometimes we must make hard decisions in order to experience this needed growth because the other option, that being the suppressing of this inner desire for growth, is much more painful. </p>
<p>In short, I think you made the right decision. I am a firm believe in fate, if it was meant to be, it will be. For now, you can only go on what that inner voice is telling you to do.</p>
<p>Yea, I've felt less lonely and better about myself lately. But I think that has to do somewhat with another girl I've met. Which leads to the situation I'm in: I really like this girl, but I don't know if I should try to start a relationship.</p>
<p>haha that would be a whole different thread then</p>
<p>Well it just got a little complicated. I just talked to her on the phone for about an hour. At the beginning, it was sad and i felt terrible. As the conversation progressed, I no longer felt as bad. And I don't know why I didn't feel so bad. She cheered me up and I cheered her up. I did not think it would be like that considering what has happened.</p>
<p>She told me that her best friend of 18 years pretty much ended their friendship because my ex was talking to her boyfriend about me because he knows me and her friend interpretted that as my ex trying to take him. And one of her close guy friends is blaming my ex for breaking him and his girlfriend up. So basically she has had a terrible week.</p>
<p>It felt so damn good to talk to her and hear her laugh and make me laugh because I know that she hasn't done much of it in the past week and a half. I just got off the phone with her 5 minutes ago and I actually feel really good and I think she did too.</p>
<p>But I still wonder if I'm making a mistake. Sure, the freedom of not having a responsibility has been nice but I contemplate if that will last.</p>
<p>I'm just very confused right now. Like I see girls all day and can't help but think what it would be like to be with them. But then when she calls, I remember all of the good times we had. </p>
<p>Sorry I seem like such a whiner, I just think it is best to turn to other people for their experiences. Thanks.</p>
<p><em>sigh</em> my exboyfriend was like this too. i dont really understand guys. but i was in a similar situation. i'm still in hs, he went off to college. i knew it wasn't going to work out so i broke up with him about 3 months before he left for college (we dated for a year and a half). during the summer, he kept calling, kept trying to get me back, but i managed to stand by my decision (partly cuz i was 3000 miles away from him and didn't have to see him for a month). well after he got to college, he got over it and did the same thing you basically did, got interested in several girls, thinks the same way too. and now i can spend my senior year doing whatever i want without having to worry.</p>
<p>don't worry, she'll get over it soon. after she sees how fun it is to be single and be able to flirt with guys, she'll be fine :)</p>