<p>How do you feel about putting the child up for adoption if your girlfriend is indeed pregnant? Raising a child at this point derails both your lives.</p>
<p>I would be okay with adoption, I could not support it even if I rejected my commission to go enlisted making $9,000 a year and be able to have a career in the long run, which I could have a family. Adoption I would be okay with, abortion is against my religion, I'm Catholic.</p>
<p>adoption. sounds like this girl is bad news.</p>
<p>yeah definitely make her take it in front of you, she could just be getting a little overwhelmed at the fact of maybe being pregnant.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Don't take this the wrong way, but make sure you know for sure that she's pregnant (pregnancy tests aren't always accurate) and that if she is, the kid is actually yours;
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Agreed.</p>
<p>Step 1: Make sure that the kid is actually yours. If she refuses to allow a DNA test, that should set off every red flag in your book. </p>
<p>Then go from there, it looks like a lot of the other people in the thread offered good advice, but first things first, I think that you've got to make sure that the kid is actually yours.</p>
<p>I am pretty sure if you are on a ROTC scholarship, you cant be married or have any dependants. Just sayin....</p>
<p>So she...</p>
<ol>
<li>Skipped 2 days on the pill</li>
<li>Is allergic to latex so wouldn't use a condom and still had sex?</li>
<li>Wouldn't take a day-after pill</li>
</ol>
<p>Sounds fishy on her part...</p>
<p>Hope things turn out for the best.</p>
<p>If your girlfriend is choosing not to have an abortion out of her own volition, then obviously that is her decision to make, and you two need to figure out what you want to do. Adoption might be the best option; keeping the baby might but be a better decision. What does not make sense, however, is to get married just because your girlfriend is pregnant. That's not good for you, not good for her, and certainly not in the best interest of the baby. On the other hand, if she is going to deliver this baby just because you two made some kind of "deal", that is really not fair. I mean this in the kindest way, but clearly you've already done things that the Catholic faith does not approve of - had sex outside of marriage, used contraception, etc. If she DOES want to terminate the pregnancy, the right thing to do is support her, or at least not stop her.</p>
<p>Whatever she wants to do, your gf needs prenatal care ASAP if she is in fact pregnant. A local Planned Parenthood can confirm the pregnancy and provide a gynecological exam, pap smear, STD tests, ultrasound, basic blood work, and any other initial medical attention she needs, either for free or at a reduced cost. It's going to be important to see a doctor regularly throughout the pregnancy.</p>
<p>If you want to consider giving the baby up for adoption, you basically have two choices: open adoption or closed adoption. In a closed adoption, you will get to pick the adoptive family after reading about their background/history/life, but you will not know their name, you will never meet them, and they will not know who you or your gf are. In an open adoption, you two (or just your girlfriend) will get to meet prospective families, and will have ongoing contact with the adoptive family both before and after the baby is born. To what extent will be a decision you'll all have to make. It might make sense to get in touch with an agency that facilitates both kinds of adoptions, and see if either makes sense for you. The planned parenthood will also have a list of adoption agencies in your area, and can put you in touch with one. (Talking to an agency, and even starting the adoption process, does not compel you to go through with it.)</p>
<p>If you both decide to keep the baby, you will have a lot of decisions to make. Considering how manipulative your girlfriend sounds, you might want to get a paternity test - you can even get a court order if you need to. Assuming the child is yours, can any of your parents or other family members provide free childcare, at least for a limited time? It might make the most sense for both of you to go to school part-time and work part-time, with the hope that after you graduate you will both be able to make more money, and take care of the child on your own. Does your state have a health care program for children (S-CHIP)? If not, or if you're not eligible, one of you will need to find a job with benefits, or have a school whose health care plan extends to dependents. You'll also need to work out a custody agreement, preferably before the baby is born. Again, don't get married just because your gf is pregnant. It's a VERY bad idea. If you do decide to stay together, and you are eventually really in love and want to spend the rest of your lives together, you can get married then.</p>
<p>If your girlfriend decides not to carry the baby, that is ultimately her decision. She will probably need to have an abortion in the first twelve weeks of the pregnancy, if that is what what she decides to do. She has two options, surgical abortions and medical abortions. Surgical abortion is more common, but they are both relatively safe (much safer than delivering a baby). Again, I just have to stress that this is her body and her decision.</p>
<p>Good luck. Please don't feel that there is "no point in living". Whatever happens, things will work out.</p>
<p>Well, you got her knocked up, despite using birth control, so you've already broken some main Catholic rules right there. Why is abortion any worse? Plus, it's her decision if she decides to get one, not yours. You can't force her to carry or not carry the pregnancy to term.</p>
<p>It sounds to me like she did it on purpose. How do you know she is actually allergic to latex? If she is just telling you that then she could be lying about it.</p>
<p>DO NOT marry her just because of a baby. That is a baddd idea!</p>
<p>Find out if she is and then you can worry about what to do. If she is not, I would dump her.</p>
<p>I know that abortion is against your religion, but maybe you should think twice about it. You aren't going to be able to give the child the life it deserves. If you put it up for adoption, the kid will always wonder who their parents are and why they didn't love them (thats how the kid would feel, i'm not saying you wouldn't love it) enough to keep them. With what you've said about your gf, I really think that she wouldn't be able to actually hand the baby over to another family.</p>
<p>Another thing to think about is why you think that the morning after pill is ok, but abortion isn't. Catholics are against the morning after pill too.</p>
<p>I would check on her her health insurance, definitely.
I would reassure her that you care deeply for her and that you want to stay in hers and the babies life...That you were sincere in your commitment to her regarding marriage. However, let her know that it is important to you to be able to support both her and the baby rather than just struggling to get by.. And the only way for you to do this is to finish college and get your commision BEFORE marrying her. </p>
<p>So in the interim what is the best situation. Can she live with one of her family members until that time? Can she live with yours? I would look into options that:
1) Provide care for her and the baby
2) Would make her feel cared about.
3) Not give up your dreams otherwise you will always resent her.
4) The solution which provides you with the most money a couple of years out. </p>
<p>Forget about whether she trapped you or not...at this point you have a child coming and if thats what she did..its done. No sense dwelling on it. Move forward and work your options.</p>
<p>Just throwing this out there. You said you're catholic. Naturally abortion is against what you would do. But then again wouldn't any kind of birth control be a part of that? Clearly you have no problem using condoms or in her using the pill. Also no issue in having pre-marital sex. I'm not catholic by the way. I'm just saying there seems to be some selectivity here involved. </p>
<p>Anyways I would strongly consider adoption. However the obstacle you run into there is that it's also her choice in the matter and I think ultimately one she'll have more say in. However like it's been stated before, make sure she is in fact pregnant. Make her take multiple tests if needed for reassurance. If so, make sure the baby is definitely yours by making her take a blood test.</p>
<p>Most importantly DO NOT. I repeat DO NOT marry out of obligation. You will be miserable. And the child will grow up in a very unstable environment because so long as one of the parents is miserable you'll start having major issues in the upbringing of this child.</p>
<p>Just make sure everything is 100% and don't overreact in this situation even though its very easy to (and easier said than done obviously). Take it all one step at a time and then go from there. Too many IF's at this point, and not enough certainties.</p>
<p>I would say abort if your gf is down. They are expensive though. Be a gentleman and pay at least half. </p>
<p>Then breathe a sigh of relief, and leave her.</p>
<p>Three months...</p>
<p>go with #3</p>
<p>don't abort a baby.
i am all for the choice, but i mean, it IS a human life. and it shouldn't be treated as some stupid mistake you made in college.<br>
maybe adoption is the best way to go...</p>
<p>Adoption does sound like a good option for your situation. There are plenty of couples want to adopt when it comes to a newborn.</p>
<p>So you are Catholic, and don't "believe" in abortion, but you use birth control and have premarital sex, I find that interesting choice of what to follow and what not to follow. Not judging, as I am for choice and have no issues at all with abortion choices.</p>
<p>And even if she did "trick" you, it was your "seed" and she didn't steal it. You are at least 50percent to "blame" here.</p>
<p>I wish you look. And next time, pay more attention to the warning signs about someone who may not be the best person- why risk pregnancy with someone like that.</p>
<p>Use a condom, the latex excuse is kind of cute.</p>
<p>yo man, i hate to do this but read the book "Sperm Wars" by Robin Baker</p>
<p>I cannot believe how abortion has become such a non big deal. The way you guys make it seem like its on the same level as throwing out the trash. I say give him/her up because once you kill him there is no going back. When you do decide to have kids I bet everytime you look at them you are going to think about the dead one. It happens to tons of guys whom when younger said to their spouse just get rid of it but when older feel remorse.</p>
<p>One of my friend's GFs was late by a month once. Both of them were really cautious people and I'm sure they took every precaution, and she tested negative every time, but both of them were still looking pretty frazzled every day!</p>