<p>I'm pretty tired about all these threads about girls. You losers.</p>
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Does she ever talk about her boyfriend to you? Because if she does (and it's not negative) then she's probably not interested in dating you...but if she never says anything about him and all you know is what you see on Facebook, she might be curious.
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<p>I think in general Katho11 gives very good advice here. But I differ in that don't think the choice is so clear-cut between she's interested and she won't be interested 'cause she has a boyfriend. The third, vaguer middle way is likely to be some muddle made up in parts of "I don't know. I am confused. I like ______, my boyfriend, but he's only in high school and far away. And the guys here are interesting. Or that guy (atlantiz) seems really cool." And if you express interest against this confusion, the odds are likely to favor you, if she does in fact like you or if she's wondering whether she would like to go out with you or she's wondering whether you are interested in her. Don't wait for permission from her, just act with confidence and the realization that part of life for a guy is making the move and risking getting shut down.</p>
<p>Oh yeah. Never assume a girl is uninterested just because she has a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend means almost nothing in terms of whether or not you can get with her.</p>
<p>The problem with a girl having a boyfriend is not that she is morally obligated to not hook up with you. Screw that. The problem is the boyfriend might get on your case. Beat you up. Take you down. Etc.</p>
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Oh yeah. Never assume a girl is uninterested just because she has a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend means almost nothing in terms of whether or not you can get with her.</p>
<p>The problem with a girl having a boyfriend is not that she is morally obligated to not hook up with you. Screw that. The problem is the boyfriend might get on your case. Beat you up. Take you down. Etc.
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<p>Wow, no wonder you call yourself jaded. There are many, many girls who would take a strong ethical stance on this. But sometimes feelings/passions overcome ethics. My point to Atlantiz is that these opportunities often present themselves in messy ways. At the point that she is interested in him, he needs to express his interest in return. If he waits too long, she will most likely have dumped her current boyfriend AND lost whatever interest she may have in Atlantiz.</p>
<p>And the bigger picture in my opinion is not whether or not he kisses her or otherwise gets with her, but whether she deals with it honestly when she has the best opportunity to do so. It's not the nicest thing to do to anybody to break up by phone, assuming that would be required in this case because of the distances involved. If she is only an hour away from home, she could do it sooner than during vacation. Or she could decide that doing it by phone is better than living a lie for awhile.</p>
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I'm pretty tired about all these threads about girls. You losers.
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<p>By the way, I guess you decided to join the losers....</p>
<p>If you're dating someone who breaks up with you over the phone, I think that's a good thing that you're not with them anymore... :|</p>
<p>hey guys thanks for the advice. but my situation is a tiny more complicated than that.</p>
<p>he thing is..im not sure if im into her. it "could" happen but the thing is I told this OTHER girl who i have been interested in a while that I liked her a month ago and gave her a rose and all that jazz (this was my first time doing this, but im glad i did it. TOOK BALLS!). We have good communication (we dont hide stuff from each other and trust each other), so it was not weird for her to tell me she wasnt sure if she wanted to head down that path (which is understandable b/c she is super busy with classes..go to library a lot and also she got turned down by a guy the week before i told her how i felt..doh! bad timing). She was really considerate and we were comfortable just spending a good amt of time just being honest and talking about it. </p>
<p>I am very glad we are not currently "awkward". We talk and stuff (not quite normal like before..ive been laying off a little) b/c we both treasure our friendship that we had built and didnt want to end it after what happened that night. I still sorta have feelings (not as strong cus i got rejected..but im hanging in there) for her, and dont want to give up on her. I feel that we're good in a way that she may give me a shot, but it might not be the right time (who knows when it will be or if there WILL be a time). </p>
<p>The other girl i was mentioning is kinda making things complicated--not in a bad way, but im just confused...should i hang on to the other girl or go wit the one with the bf..or do nothing. I feel bad for saying this, but I would prefer to go out with the girl who i asked out even tho the one with a bf is really a sweet girl herself...and no, she has never mentioned her bf to me. im not in a rush for a relationship, so.. should i play it out?</p>
<p>Atlantiz: Put your cards on the table, man. Don't jerk us around. No the situation is not different. It's very simple. If you are not into the girl with the boyfriend, move on. If you are, figure it out and get it done as I said. If you think you might be but aren't sure, go with what I said.</p>
<p>The other girl told you she doesn't want to go down that road. Don't knock at her door anymore with that approach. It took big balls to give her roses, but it didn't win her over, so she's scared off by your romantic gesture (that can seem suffocating to some women) or just not into you that way, so don't push it with her.</p>
<p>If you don't like the girl with the boyfriend, find others to date. And keep your friendship going, but not too close with rose girl.</p>
<p>Remember: women like men who are attractive to other women. It's possible rose girl changes her tune re you, but less likely if you just wait and hang around..... Be a man on the move, and move on. And then she'll probably come around....</p>
<p>And learn how to kiss, like I said.</p>
<p>There's enough info. in previous postings to work with; get it done.</p>
<p>This guy has never kissed before?</p>
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This guy has never kissed before?
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<p>There's absolutely no evidence of that, and anyway, he could naturally be a master... But just in case he's not, I would not assume (anyone) that you are a good kisser if you've had only little experience.</p>
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If you're dating someone who breaks up with you over the phone, I think that's a good thing that you're not with them anymore... :|
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<p>I can't tell whether this was meant as a joke. Whether it was, there is a useful truth in here: if you are going to break someone's heart in any fashion, it can be good to give them a reason to hate you. Doing something as crass as breaking up over a telephone, or better yet, through a telephone message can certainly achieve a hateable quality. Myself, I would take the high road. But this is neither my problem nor Atlantiz', unless he has to advise her on it.</p>
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But I differ in that don't think the choice is so clear-cut between she's interested and she won't be interested 'cause she has a boyfriend. The third, vaguer middle way is likely to be some muddle made up in parts of "I don't know. I am confused. I like ______, my boyfriend, but he's only in high school and far away. And the guys here are interesting. Or that guy (atlantiz) seems really cool."
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<p>This is true...but it's usually not worth it to mess with someone who can't make up their minds about how they feel about you. And to take it a step further, do you really want her to dump this other guy and go straight into something with you? Situations like that rarely work out well...unless you're just looking for something casual.</p>
<p>Anyway, if you're looking for one or the other advice, I'd go for the one you've been interested in for a while (who I'm assuming is available)...but if you just want an honest opinion, I think you should just chill a little and wait for a girl that leaves no room for doubt.</p>
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This is true...but it's usually not worth it to mess with someone who can't make up their minds about how they feel about you. And to take it a step further, do you really want her to dump this other guy and go straight into something with you? Situations like that rarely work out well...unless you're just looking for something casual.</p>
<p>Anyway, if you're looking for one or the other advice, I'd go for the one you've been interested in for a while (who I'm assuming is available)...but if you just want an honest opinion, I think you should just chill a little and wait for a girl that leaves no room for doubt.
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<p>Katho11 makes some really, really good points here. If you need to think of what I say as a point-counterpoint provacative statement, then that's okay. Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle.</p>
<p>First of all, if you are at a small school, you may need to handle this differently than if you are at a big school. But something tells me you're at a large school. Correct me if I am wrong.</p>
<p>The big schools are more forgiving if you have a social problem with a relationship that doesn't go right, either for reasons that you or the other person creates.</p>
<p>My position is that it is often hard, until you are actually in an affair or relationship or even just a more casual dating thing, to see how you feel about someone <strong><em>from a position of knowledge</em></strong>*. </p>
<p>My other point is not to focus on one or the other woman (so long as you haven't committed explicitly or implicitly, and you don't need to do this until certain lines have been crossed or a certain number of dates have happened; it's intuitive) but to focus on getting more dates with other women unnamed here. You will never be hurt by attempting (though you have to be more careful at a small school), and even better if you go off campus to do so.</p>
<p>If you are truly just going to be friends with boyfriend girl and she knows this from you more or less directly, why don't you take her to parties with you? A guy always has an easier time at a party if he comes with a girl. Repeat the mantra: women are attracted to guys who are attractive to other women. Better yet if she talks you up.</p>
<p>Waiting for a girl that leaves no room for doubt, as Katho11 suggests, is waiting for the world to set your agenda. Based on how confused and dithery a non-confusing situation like the above left you, I would say you need to collect some experience and put away caution (I am not trying to be harsh, and by the way, you are further along than I was at your point). I would not wait.</p>
<p>The only thing I will say is to not go after boyfriend girl if you decide you genuinely are not interested in her. A good reason for this is she's a person and you should treat people right, as much as the complications of infatuations and attractions and romance allow. Yes, love is a battlefield, but you don't have to be scorched earth about it. </p>
<p>You sound like you are being very cool -- as is she -- about the situation with rose girl. But I gotta tell you, and it'll be obvious to you in your life if it isn't now: sometimes we are most attracted to what we can't have. Right now, you can't have her unless you change the paradigm and show her more attractiveness. By the way, if you got her, would you really want someone that busy?</p>
<p>I would say if you just think boyfriend girl is sweet and nothing else, move on from boyfriend girl and just flirt with her, but don't make a real attempt. If you think she's sweet and also sexy and someone you could be happy with, put her in the mix.</p>
<p>That's it, Atlantiz: you've got a choice. You know where I stand: fortune favors the bold. Fair maidens were not won by the faint of heart. Carpe Diem. And all that stuff. You should get yourself pumped up 'cause it's one big amazing adventure, and you best get to it.</p>
<p>If this sounds too radical or out of character, play it safe and sensible like Katho11 suggests. And what she suggests is eminently sensible. I am rallying you to be insensible. After all, it's on you, and ultimately the ladies will respect you for no less, whatever advice they may render in dispassionate moments.</p>
<p>Atlantiz: </p>
<p>Yup. Do whatever feels right to you.</p>