Not all kids “make so much money.”
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I have one kid who makes a lot of money (more than me) and one who makes nothing. I have to be a little more creative in gift giving now that one has everything she needs and buys what she wants, and the other has nothing and needs everything.
My mother, who has nothing, still puts $10/mo into the bank accounts of the grandchildren. That really is the only inheritance they will get, and they are all pretty grateful for that money. I tell her not to do it because they all (even the 16 year olds) make more than she does but she really wants to do it. My niece who is 36 still uses that bank account Nana opened for her 30 years ago as her ‘vacation’ account and puts in her own money every paycheck and empties it when she goes on big vacations.
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I give them both equally, I told them many times. Doesn’t matter if one is more successful than the other, I don’t penalize the successful one.
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My father (81) had one living aunt until about 15 years ago who still sent him $5 in a birthday card every year. That token meant so much to him. I’m sure your kids feel the same way about your mother’s gifts.
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“Millennials are less well off than members of earlier generations when they were young, with lower earnings, fewer assets, and less wealth” according to The Fed - Are Millennials Different? .
However, the Gini coefficient has been increasing with each generation (see figure 8 in https://www.stlouisfed.org/on-the-economy/2018/july/-/media/project/frbstl/stlouisfed/files/pdfs/community-development/econmobilitypapers/section2/econmobility_2-1howeelliott_508.pdf ), so it should not be too surprising that Millennials with lots of money are more obvious than Boomers with lots of money back when the Boomers were the same age as Millennials now. But that also means that more Millennials are poorer at the same age compared to Boomers.
Not my millennials, they have more money of their own, more than my husband and I at that stage.
Oh, I think that’s great! I’m just saying that I, personally, would not have enjoyed traveling with my in-laws at all. Ever.
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@Hoggirl I am with you on that. I love to have my kids visit me but they can go on their own vacation.
@ucbalumnus Many kids make a lot of money. It may be reflecting current wealth gap and shrinking middle class compared to 50-60 years ago. The average doesn’t represent the reality.
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After my dad passed away, my mom was required to be paid the income from his trust. The trust itself was going to end up with brother and myself. She also had various retirement types of income and her own trust. Whenever she felt her balances were getting too high, she did what she called “share the wealth” and sent decent checks to my brother and myself and her three grandchildren.
Son, who makes more than I ever could, is very frugal and likes to let us pay for meals etc. when either visits the other. I’m finally getting him to buy his own airline tickets, thank goodness!
A couple of years after college, son must have been talking to friends and called and asked why he didn’t have any student loan debt. I told him because we started saving for his college at birth, his grandmother helped, and I used part of my retirement payout to buy college bonds. He did get some scholarships and worked every summer, but I guess it never crossed his mind how we were paying for it all! And this was Carnegie Mellon, so not cheap.
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This is really sweet and special and I bet it gives your mom so much satisfaction. And I love that your kids still see it as special and helpful. Love!
I get this in a way. I did some vacationing with my in-laws when we were dating or newly married and it was ok but we were clearly “on their vacation” as opposed to “vacationing together”.
When we vacation with our kids it’s a vacation together - and apart. Meaning we don’t have requirements to play follow the leader. Want to go to the beach? Great. Want to stay back and read in bed? Fine! We value our time together and our time on our own.
And CLEARLY CC’ers are just a heck of a lot of fun being around!!! Unlike some of our past in-laws!!! 
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@fladadK4Q - I think we are related, except that I have only one @#$)(&^ moocher brother in law. I have firmer boundaries than my DH, so this has been a challenge for us, b/c DH lets his &^)(Q$) bro take advantage of him. BIL hasn’t worked in probably 10 years. His wife hasn’t worked in probably 30 years ( usually b/c she creates melodramatic medical catastrophes or joins a company and immediately tells them what they are doing wrong). BIL draws a pension, but he has never been able to live within his means. Blew through his inheritance as predicted. Start a thread- I’ll happily vent away!!
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My parents helped pay for undergrad, but we were pretty much on our own aside from that. One big plus was they let me live at home for a few years after graduating, rent free, so that I could save up money for a downpayment on a house. I bought it when I was 25 with 20% down.
Aside from that, I always paid for my own cars, cell phone bills, insurance, etc. When I was a teenager, I paid for the internet for the house as well as a second phone line so that I could be connected all the time. I forked over like $40/mo for that. I paid between age 15-18 and my parents took it over when I went to college and they then got cable internet which had just came out on their dime.
For my house, my parents gifted me a very nice brand new kitchen table as a housewarming present.
Now a days… if my parents invite us somewhere, they usually pay. Same with meals. However, if i invite them somewhere, I pay.
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I kept saying I wouldn’t ….until I did.
I kept calling college “the last great gift” until we paid for two pretty nice weddings.
I hated my car when D2 was entering junior year of college, so I got a new one. The next year, the my old car needed so much work, we “helped’ her buy a new car. She took over the payments after graduation.
Then D2 bought a house in a fairly low COL city. We gave $5000 and paid for the new washer and dryer.
D2 felt that D1 had been short changed. (D2 had more money in her UTMA at college graduation for launch). We had cash-flowed more of D2s college.
So, with D2s encouragement, we gave D1 a larger check toward the purchase of her home in a higher COL city.
We are comfortable enough to help. We were much more comfortable when the stock market was at its peak! The Ds and their Hs are good people and I’m so proud of them.
Vacations are the next horizon: shall we rent at a lake or ocean? We’ll do whatever the kids want. DD1 and SIL1 want me to ski with them so I bought the Epic Pass!
I know that my kids have a safety net (us!) that other people don’t have. I may start another thread about an employee who is struggling and I’m struggling to help appropriately.
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you sound like us, @Mom22039 - even down to the Epic pass!!
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This is us!
I pick up household items that are a good deal and stash them away for my kids for when they move out. And will be happy to make a Target run on move-in day to an apt. I would love to be able to give a nice monetary gift here and there if possible, but that remains to be seen.
My kids appreciate that we are covering undergrad for them (we told them from the get-go that we were in for undergrad only). They are hard workers, don’t feel entitled, have each saved a nice chunk of change while in school, and are fiscally responsible.
We need to make sure we have enough for us (in case assisted living, etc is required) so my kids might have to receive via cold hands. But if we are ever in position to give via warm hands, I would prefer to do that.
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I was/am more generous with my son, now in his 30’s, than my parents were with me. I went to an Inexpensive college and graduated year + early. I went to grad school, on NIMH funding. I considered medical school but that would have involved huge debt. I lived in crappy apartments. They did help with clothes, plane tickets home, first car, and contributed to a condo. At one point, I had 5 part time jobs to save for a condo. I am absolutely sure my parents had NO idea what it was like to live in Boston for $5-7,000/year. In my youth, our family lived nicely, with camps, travel, lots of parties.
My son is not as frugal. I did have his taxes done by my accountant (cuz I got audited in grad school cuz didn’t know how to take deductions.). He worked every summer, lived with roommates, learned to cook. I gave him a Honda Accord in 2006, and he kept it until 2019, then gifted it to a roommate. So, when he asked for help with purchasing a house in the Bay Area, I did come through. He and DIL make a great income, have a baby and a dog. It is not a forever home, but they needed the space.
That’s my 2$
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I enjoy traveling with my in-laws. I guess I’m lucky that they love to travel and share some of the spots they have visited over the years. Before kids and when the kids were growing up they paid for trips to the mountains once a year for skiing, the kids all learned to ski and snowboard. The most extravagant was a safari to Africa.
We did our first big trip with our kids and their spouses during Covid. We went sailing, we paid for the boat, provisions and $500 towards the plane tickets. We would have paid for the entire ticket but one of my kids insisted they pay something.
Today one of my kids is getting garage door openers installed. We are covering a good portion.
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During my divorce from my entitled ex, I had to share the gifts my parents gave me during our marriage (down payment for our marital home, a $5k gift which I used as a down payment on my H’s car), I have concerns about what kinds of gifts I would give my child. My ex’s parents gave no gifts during their lifetimes (except the $20 sweater at Christmas kind), but left him with a lot of money (post our divorce) after their deaths. This inequity absolutely plays a role in how I will make gifts to my child when the time comes. So far the gifts I’ve given her are a debt-free college education and a car that she’s put to good use in HS and college, driving to jobs and internships. If I’m in a position in later years to give more gifts, I think they’ll be in the form of loans.
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If we gifted a large amount of cash we would document that it’s a gift to our child.
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