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If you’re not comfortable and calm when trying to teach her she’s better off getting lessons from a professional driving instructor. If you’re very nervous when you’re trying to teach her she’ll pick up on that and get even more nervous and everything goes downhill from there. You can check with AAA, for example, on recommended driving schools.</p>
<p>If you can afford a private college, a good compromise in your situation might be Chapman University, in Orange County, 45 minutes (traffic depending) from downtown LA. You will have no worries about street safety.</p>
<p>She could dorm and reach everything necessary by foot or bicycle for 4 years.</p>
<p>On weekends, she could either stay on campus or come home. There’s one commuter train daily or you could drive out and fetch her for weekends only.</p>
<p>During her college years, very gradually, you could teach her to drive on weekends, along with a professional teacher, while she still has use of your car. </p>
<p>She might be able to get some scholarship money. If you have great concerns about street safety and USC is on your radar, I’d say you might feel better served by Chapman which is also private.</p>
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<p>I was following this thread before with some sympathy for your viewpoint, but this seems just a little too controlling to me.</p>
<p>If my husband tried to stop me from wearing whatever makeup I choose to wear, I would be tempted to stab him in the face with a mascara wand.</p>
<p>I’m an adult. It’s my face. And if I want to put cosmetics on it, I will.</p>
<p>My daughter is an adult, too – a few years older than your daughter. Her personal style is rather conservative – more so than for most young women in her age group. But she wouldn’t consider leaving her apartment without makeup unless the building was on fire.</p>
<p>You’re treading on an area where women prefer to make their own decisions. Be careful.</p>
<p>I’m not sure the point of this post, or the responses. As I understand it, the rules are that your daughter must live at home until she’s married; she must commute to college, and that college must be within an hour of your home; you must be able to afford the school;and the school must be safe. These rules are not negotiable.</p>
<p>That’s a finite universe of schools. A quick internet search (I assume you’re allowed to be on the internet, since you posted here) will yield all the four year colleges within an hour of your house. The cost of those schools is easily discovered.</p>
<p>So why post here?</p>
<p>On your question about whether or not she should have a job during college, after rereading your Opening Post I see you are careful about money but it is there. In that situation, she might do better to seek “internships” starting around late sophomore year. Some will pay but most won’t. They offer her work experience in various academic or professional settings, sometimes in exchange for college credit, but no salary. These might position her better to find a job after she graduates than the kinds of jobs college students take when their only goal is to earn necessary money. </p>
<p>Many students who wish to apply themselves fully to their studies pick up summertime jobs to earn money, at whatever they can find (waiting tables, serving ice cream, etc.). This is absolutely understood as an appropriate summertime, even for fine students with excellent grades and ambitions.</p>
<p>OP, why are you “going crazy”? You seem to be justifying all your very conservative choices for your daughter, and if that works for your family, what’s the problem?</p>
<p>Men who assume it’s their right to control such things as make-up and will only consider letting go of the control on their daughter until they hand her over to another man (marriage) to be completely out of touch with the rights of individuals in America. Even your reluctance to let your daughter drive seems to suggest you prefer to keep the reins tight (you will drive her to college? Really??)–just another instance on keeping control.</p>
<p>I find some of this behavior harmful and frightening, so if you are truly going crazy, I suggest you seek counseling.</p>
<p>^I had assumed that the OP was, in fact, flexible with regards to his parenting approach. It might help the rest of us if the OP spelled out which parenting restrictions he is flexible about.</p>
<p>We pay the big bucks so kids can have a chem lab in which they learn important things without blowing themselves up. It is a controlled experimental experience. A lot of life is like that. </p>
<p>The challenge OP is going to have is that the rest of the world (that his D is in) is not as rule driven as he is. When the reins are too tight, some just wither on the vine and die – others buck and bolt for the horizon. Either outcome is a sad one. </p>
<p>One friend refers to the oldest child in a family as the “learner” child. I think that’s valid because we parents learn about parenting as we go. One rule driven father locally ruled his oldest son so closely that it did completely blow up (think drugs, running away sorts of defiance). The Dad didn’t see it coming, at all, because the offspring was compliant at home. </p>
<p>No matter what OP believes or wants, his D is swimming in a world where the vast majority of young women get to 1) make their own decisions about make up , 2) make their own decisions about the colleges they apply to and 3) make their own decisions about when and who to marry. How terribly dismaying to be a young woman whose father thinks she is too incapable to do what most young women manage rather well. It could be easy to be very, very furious underneath – and also very distraught (worried) that the fury should not be there for someone we do love. This is a scary scenario.</p>
<p>My reference to “going crazy” in the title refers to my going crazy over the college process. As I mentioned earlier, she’s our oldest so everything is new to us right now. I’m not sure what I should be doing during this stressful time. I apologize for the title though, it doesn’t seem to be parallel to the content of the thread.</p>
<p>I’m offended that many of you think that my daughter will suddenly rebel when she is 18. I have already made it clear to her that she will follow the rules of my house. I’ve also raised her to be a respectful individual.</p>
<p>It’s not that I don’t want her to drive, believe me, I do. However, I also do not want to force her into doing it if it really frightens her and compromises her safety while on the roads.</p>
<p>Some of you assume that my cultural values are different or that I live in a place where everyone around me shares the same views. My family and I actually live in a pretty typical suburban area. The parenting views of other parents I know are not “radical” by any means. And I also don’t believe that my parenting principles are radical either. I don’t cage up my daughters at home to keep them from growing into young women, I just make sure that the things they are exposed to aren’t detrimental to their well-being. Things such as Facebook, Myspace, Youtube, and texting aren’t necessary to live a happy and fulfilling life. They’re extras that appear to create more harm than good, so why would I allow my children to take part?</p>
<p>Many seem to be hung up on the makeup rule in our house. My daughters are still so young, do they really need to enhance their looks? I’ve seen my oldest in makeup many times before for pictures and other functions, but I still prefer that she keep a natural and makeupless face on a daily basis. I don’t think there is anything particularly extreme about that. She can put what she wants on her face when she’s a mature adult, but right now it’s just unnecessary. As long as she’s under my care, she WILL follow the rules that we’ve set for her. There is no room for negotiation. She is only 17 years old, compared to my near 50 years of age, there is no wisdom and knowledge or experience she has over me; therefore, I don’t need to take a young teenager’s view into consideration when deciding how to run my household.</p>
<p>As for flexibility with restrictions, when she goes out with friends she doesn’t really have much of a curfew as long as I know where she is and who she’ll be with (although I’m a bit hesitant now because I found out that she hung out with a boy once along with some girlfriends without my knowing). She is also allowed to wear nail polish (though I’m not sure when this started happening, I believe my wife gave her permission without talking to me about it).</p>
<p>I remember one poster asking how I would deter her from visiting websites I do not wish for her to be on. It’s not that difficult, parental controls are widely available and I do not hesitate to utilize them. I bought her a computer so I will control what content she has access to.</p>
<p>And finally, to the one asking what the point of my post was. In my original post I specifically ask if I should let my daughter apply to 8 schools or if I should limit her to 6. I also asked if it would be difficult for her to arrange a schedule where she would only have to attend school a few times a week. And I also asked whether or not I should allow her to have a job during college.</p>
<p>Best wishes.</p>
<p>@post 48: There seems to be more than a few allegations of misogyny on this thread. It should be pointed out that the OP lived at home until marriage as well, not just his wife. The home life he described is alien to me and many on this thread, but it may not be a case of restricting his daughter because she is female.</p>
<p>OP, the issue is that not many (perhaps none) of us have raised our kids as you are raising your D, so it’s hard for us to meet the criteria you are setting forth. Good luck–hope things work well for your D & your family. My kids both attended USC, where they lived in student housing & then apartments. We’re 2500 miles away but it worked well for all of us. I think the dangers of USC and bad influences of peers are greatly over-rated, myself, but there are other opinions. So much depends on the individuals involved.</p>
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That will probably work while she’s in your house but it won’t work when she’s using computers at college, at her HS, at the library, at her friends’ houses, on someone else’s cell phone (assuming you control her cell phone if she has one). Just being realistic.</p>
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She needs to apply to enough colleges to make sure there’s at least one where she’ll certainly be accepted (at least 2 to be safer), maybe a few that she has a reasonable chance of being admitted to but it’s not certain, and maybe even a couple that she’s on the lower end of a chance of being accepted but it’s worth a shot. Another variable is that the more colleges she applies to, the more offers she’ll receive not only of admission but also possibly merit awards that can make the college more affordable, especially privates. The app fees, while annoying, are trivial in the scheme of paying for college and might be money well spent if that extra app resulted in a good financial offer.</p>
<p>Another poster had a good point, if you’re firm on her only attending a college within a certain driving distance of your home, and she agrees to do so, then figure out which colleges fit and she can just apply to those. </p>
<p>On the schedule - if she’s taking a ‘light’ major, i.e. a fairly easy one that doesn’t have a huge credit requirement, and especially if she stretches it out longer than she’d really need to by taking a light load of courses, that is, takes 4 years instead of 3 or 3.5 years, or 5 years instead of 4 years, and if she’s not involved in anything at school, doesn’t have to meet groups for group projects, doesn’t participate in any extracurricular activities, doesn’t attend plays or sports events, and the like, then maybe she can manage to go to school 3 or 4 days per week. It may be easier to do at a large public than a private because the large public may tend to have a larger choice of time slots for particular classes where the small private might only have one possible slot for a class. You can probably see how this strategy of trying to reduce the number of days/week can backfire by stretching the total time to complete college. It also can be limiting on the particular majors - that is, limit her to just the easier majors that require the least amount of work. </p>
<p>She should definitely try for a campus job after the first semester. These are usually limited in the number of hours per week (8-20 with most around 10 or so), are usually flexible on hours so if she has a big test coming up she can arrange her schedule to accommodate it, let her earn money and start to gain some independence in doing so, and it can keep her focused on the school, keep her out of trouble (working instead of too much hanging out time), and according to many studies, usually do better in school.</p>
<p>My suggestion, if you want FULL control of your daughter:</p>
<p>Go to college with your daughter, drive her to and from school, follow her everywhere. When she is in the class, you stand outside of the classroom. When she studies in the library, you read your thing next table. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>btw, if you have two daughters…</p>
<p>^Ha.</p>
<p>Anyway, instead of restricting colleges, you might have her contact the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (not really for athletes, I understand.) It might introduce her to a peer group that has more conservative values. To answer your original questions, I think 8 colleges is a reasonable number of colleges to apply to. I don’t recommend working while in school, though if you have to, work-study program or internship in something related to her future career is better than some random job. Going to school only a few days a week may be possible if she is allowed to carry a lower courseload than normal, but universities don’t always allow this.</p>
<p>I know you don’t want this thread to be a referendum on your parenting, but I think some of the sheltering of your daughter (particularly, from interacting with the opposite sex) will make the transition to college and later adult life harder.</p>
<p>OP - You are probably too far from the norm to get a good cross section of from this group. I’m not saying that is bad or wrong if it works for all involved, but your paths to college will be different than typical. </p>
<p>“One friend refers to the oldest child in a family as the “learner” child.” - That seems gentler than our joke of eldest being “the experiment”. (She knows we are joking. If the 2nd child had come first, he might now be an only child. Yikes, he was the one that took a long time to sleep through the night!)</p>
<p>I know I am still an undergraduate in college, so make of this what you will. While I’m all for setting some guidelines and boundaries, this seems a little too extreme:</p>
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<p>This sounds way too much like you’re telling us that your opinion is ALWAYS right and that she is NEVER right, simply because you are older and have financial control over her. I’m not denying that most adults are more knowledgeable than most children, but nobody knows everything!</p>
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<p>I fail to see how hanging out with her friends is worrisome.</p>
<p>OP says</p>
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<p>Okay, to put to rest this sham of a thread, here are your anwers. #1, 6 or 8, potato, patato. If you can afford the extra 2, let her… Question #2, yes, it willl be difficult at most universities to only go 3 days a week. #3, Should she work? Sheesh, only going to school 3 days a week, I should say so!</p>
<p>I hope the ■■■■■ is having fun. Post #49 is so rediculous that there is NO way that this is serious.</p>
<p>edit: I just reread and saw the part of the daughter wearing nail polish! LOl
I agree with DAD about the area. If the OP really lives in the area, they would know the Westwood etc area. Obviously a ■■■■■.</p>
<p>A few thoughts: Eight schools is better than six. UCLA is a big reach, not only because of the number of applications they get and the average GPA, etc. but because they are very focused on ECs and they are less predictable in who they accept than say Berkeley. She might get in, but it’s not something to count on. USC is an option. You should check out Occidental College which is a wonderful school near downtown (Glendale area). But my guess is that at Oxy and at USC, most kids will live on campus and she might feel left out of the college experience. Of course, you have Cal States on there I saw. What about Loyola Marymount? I don’t know much about the programs but it’s near LAX. Pepperdine is in Malibu. I live in LA. I spend an hour every morning transporting my son to his high school eleven miles away. I can’t take the 405 because it’s so awful, side streets are awful and I’m not even in the worst parts of LA in terms of traffic. She needs to drive. By the way, re UCLA, if you live anywhere near campus, forget about a parking permit. You might luck into getting a permit in a lot so far away you need to take a bus.</p>
<p>Okay, some more unsolicited advice from someone who has sent three kids to college and is about to send a fourth. These days, college is about a lot more than classes and going to the library. Many of the opportunities that a student can benefit from happen at all hours when they are not in class. DS is currently a senior at the Pomona College in Claremont (too far away for your daughter to commute to). He is conducting original research for his senior thesis and has to be at the lab at all hours to monitor his research. He walks back and forth to the lab at all hours. He is heavily involved in two ECs that require meetings, practice, etc. He is taking an art class that involves going in during the evenings and working on his projects. Being on campus is a huge plus for getting the most out of the college experience. Also, doing the “extras” matters a lot in building a competitive resume for grad school or the workforce. </p>
<p>My kids have gone to high school with kids from cultures that had similar family rules as you do. Just today my son was telling me about a friend of his who got stellar scores on the SAT but whose parents have said she can’t leave LA. He has a number of friends in that position. I have known of many, many kids who did not get into UCLA and ended up at community college because their parents wouldn’t let them leave LA. I know a very bright girl who didn’t get into UCLA, it was a crisis in her family. She ended up at school that was not as good as many other schools she could have gone to just so she could live at home. I wonder if these kids will feel resentful down the line. I know for a fact, that many of them feel resentful now. I have seen kids whose parents (this is true) had arranged marriages for them in other countries and those kids are now in their twenties and living lives that contradict the values they were raised with. Sometimes a little freedom is better than too tight of a leash because some kids will go to the other extreme. </p>
<p>When your daughter gets to college, she will probably need to be on facebook because that’s how kids communicate these days. It’s how you find out about all kinds of things. For example, my youngest son is editor of his school paper. They have a private facebook page and that’s how the staff communicates. It’s just the way things are done now and it’s hard to get by without it once you’re in college.</p>
<p>Also, these days at a UC, or a Cal State you are not going to always get the most convenient schedule because of the impact of budget cuts.</p>
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<p>We call D “our guinea pig.”</p>
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<p>This is a very good point, and it’s not just facebook. All students have college email accounts, most register for classes online, and are expected to keep up with information disseminated on the website. More and more, assignments are given online, reading materials are online, and research is done online. Any student who’s not adept at using the internet is at a distinct disadvantage in today’s college world.</p>