<p>^I think we have another one-liner winner…</p>
<p>Hunt, you are on a roll with the one-liners today!</p>
<p>To OP: I haven’t read through your entire post. Let me just add my .02. My heart is breaking for your D. </p>
<p>My parents forbid me from going away to school and insisted I live at home. They felt dorming was an expense that was unnecessary. And given that I was the oldest, they were not ready to see a child leave home. They were unprepared and uncomfortable with my growing up. It was their issue but they made it mine.</p>
<p>I felt crushed and remember thinking, if I had known that, I would have just partied in HS and not put in all the effort to my grades. </p>
<p>I worked like crazy for two years while attending school, saving every penny. Then behind their backs, I dropped out of the local college, and transferred to a new school. I told them about 3 weeks before I was to leave. I managed to pay my own tuition so there was not much they could say. Our relationship was strained for some time. They did not make those mistakes with the younger children.</p>
<p>To this day, I am bitter over their approach to my impending adulthood. It is the one area where I still as an adult feel that they were Sh****y parents. </p>
<p>FWIW. I would make sure that your inabilty to cope with a grown child is not passed along as her “inability” to cope with life.</p>
<p>“Old school or Old Testament?” haha</p>
<p>It does seem that women are still second class citizens in some households.</p>
<p>My D is named after my grandmother. She didn’t get to go to college and was valedictorian of her NYC HS class. </p>
<p>Her parents said there was only enough money to send her younger brothers to college. And after all, she was only going to get married and raise a family.</p>
<p>I’m sure it made sense to my great grandfather, women still didn’t yet have the right to vote.</p>
<p>My grandmother, who sometimes read a book a day, was wooed by my Grandfather with a 18th birthday gift of collected literary classics.</p>
<p>When telling the story years later, she laughed that after marrying him she find out he hadn’t read any of those books. </p>
<p>True story.</p>
<p>I second starbright’s #97 post.</p>
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<p>Heck, my parents said that to ME.</p>
<p>Considering a boy’s education more important than girl’s still happens in this generation.</p>
<p>My husband showed far more interest in our son’s education than our daughter’s. On report card days, they would both discuss their report cards with me, and then we would leave them on the table for my husband to look at when he got home from work. Often, my husband would pick up our son’s report card and discuss it with him, while not even examining our daughter’s. He also provided our son with guidance on high school course choices and college choices. He never initiated such conversations with our daughter.</p>
<p>It drove me nuts.</p>
<p>Looks like this theme of parents who favored sons education over daughters could have made a great thread (maybe there is one already, too lazy to check)</p>
<p>My Mom was constantly upset at how her immigrant parents favored her younger brother. </p>
<p>I will always remember our family reunion at the Del Boca Vista-like pool area of my grandparents condo development in Florida. My grandmother, with both her adult children besides her, introduced them to her neighbors as my son the doctor, and my daughter.</p>
<p>My Mom, who had a masters plus 30, and had just been selected as guidance counselor of the year for NYS, was none too happy.</p>
<p>I was told by several sources that law was not a “feminine” career and was NOT good for women. Stubbornly, I have found it to be very helpful in pursuing many of my endeavors. </p>
<p>The only graduation they traveled for was when one of their 7 kids (a son) got his bachelor’s from Stanford. They didn’t even come when I received an award for Outstanding SR Woman–I think I was the only person honored who had no family members present, only my sweet BF who thought I should have SOMEONE present & drove me (two hours each way) to the luncheon where I was honored. (To be fair, it was 5000 miles from our home – probably 2 plane rides & a lot of time & $$$, but they did manage to attend brother’s ceremony in Palo Alto, which was also 5000 miles away & involved a plane & long drive. They never attended any of the rest of our ceremonies unless they were in HI–most of my sibs didn’t participate in their grad ceremonies either.)</p>
<p>My parents would praise whomever they felt needed encouragement. They pretty much ignored achievements of those of us who were doing well–their way of supporting our struggling sibs. It was somewhat distressing that they would fuss over sibs who brought their grade UP to a B while they glanced over our report cards–oh why did you get one B; why not all As? How terrible of you! While we understood they were trying to encourage those who were struggling, it was somewhat painful.</p>
<p>How painful for your mom not to be celebrated for her achievements. </p>
<p>My SIL strongly favors our S over all her other nieces & nephews. He is most similar to her in temperament and interests. My D feels somewhat slighted but mostly figures it’s SIL’s loss. She knows we fully support her pursing her interests and nurture her talents.</p>
<p>Sandiego and HImom–if it makes you feel any better (probably not though), your stories are a reminder to parents as to how their actions and praise affect their children (even when the children are adults.)</p>
<p>It is interesting how we can intellectually KNOW what is happening and why but it still is a tender spot. I am saddened that my SIL has weakened her ties with the nieces and nephew by her treatment of them. It is awkward for S as well. They know it’s not his fault, but it is still somewhat awkward for all of them.</p>
<p>D knows the path she chose is more challenging in terms of how she will be able to earn a decent living but I’m glad she made the choice because I feel it is where her strengths are and it makes the most sense to me that she will use her talents. I think it will make her much happier. To me, being happy and following your dream is still very important; know way too many people living lives of quiet desperation and it seems such a waste to me.</p>
<p>H is the only one in his family of three who did NOT get a professional degree. I believe he is the happiest of the three of them in his career, regardless of whether they earn more money than he does. He has never been bored as his job constantly requires him to learn. When the kids were young, we often traveled with him to various parts of the country when he attended training/conferences and enjoyed it immensely.</p>