Going home every weekend?

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Just wanted to get your guys opinion on this.</p>

<p>Did you, or do you, know someone in college (undergrad) who goes home every weekend to his or her parent's house? (Assuming, like less than 3 hour drive away.) Do you think a student should go home every weekend?</p>

<p>Does doing so negatively impact the "college" experience?</p>

<p>How would a student prevent parents from wanting students back every week, with the possibility that the parent(s) are also suffering from "empty nest syndrome"?</p>

<p>What would be a reasonable time interval to visit parents? (Like once a month or once every two months?)</p>

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<p>One of my friends went to school twenty minutes from his house, yet lived in the dorms. Freshman year he went home every weekend, and while he liked certain aspects of it, such as free laundry and home cooked meals, he hated how controlling his parents were of him. He’s said that he doesn’t have the traditional college experience, but that’s also a function of the school having a high population of suitcase and commuter students. </p>

<p>Sophomore year he managed to convince his parents to let him stay on campus by claiming he was super busy studying, and that he didn’t have time to go home. They used to require that he call them every day, but midway through freshman year, he started spacing his calls to once every two days, then once every three days, until he settled on calling once a week. He usually goes home twice a month for a day or so, then drives back to campus. </p>

<p>That’s just the experience of my friend. My friend’s brother is also a suitcase student at the same school, and loves his college experience, so it definitely varies from person to person.</p>

3

<p>I live an hour and a half away from my college, so I just go home when I feel like it. That’s usually two or three times a semester (not including school breaks). I don’t much understand the purpose of going home every weekend without a real reason to do so, but I don’t think it’ll really negatively impact the “college experience” unless you consider the “college experience” to be all about things take place on the weekend (like partying and what not). </p>

<p>Most of my “college experience” takes place during the week, that being class, clubs, major-related events, club-hosted events, etc.</p>

<p>To answer your questions specifically:</p>

<p>1) I knew one person who went home every week on my freshman hall. Thing was, she only lived twenty minutes away, so she could leave and come back several times a day if she wanted to. </p>

<p>2) No, I personally don’t think you should go home every weekend, but it’s nice once and a while if you live close enough (free laundry, nice meals, seeing the pets, staying in touch with people in your home town, etc.). </p>

<p>3) It doesn’t necessarily impact your “college experience” at all, depending on what you consider that to be. </p>

<p>4) This one I can’t really answer. The only real answer is “talk to them about it.” Communication is key, and all parents are different. Honestly, most parents can’t be prevented from wanting their kid to come home all the time–my dad, for example–but they should be able to cope, especially if you do come home every now and then.</p>

<p>5) A “reasonable interval”? Whenever you feel like you need/want to go home for the weekend. Generally, I don’t go home when I have a lot of work to do; the intervals between periods of heavy work aren’t always even. Sometimes, I just go home when I run out of stuff (snacks, hygiene products, etc.) and would rather go with my mom to the grocery store to get them and spend a couple days at home to boot than have to take the bus to and from a store (AKA, when I’m being lazy). In other words, I go home when I feel like it. Simple.</p>

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<p>My first year roommate went to see her boyfriend every weekend. It wasn’t home but it was similar enough. I didn’t care because I got the whole room to myself and I hated her so it was win-win.</p>

<p>I had a friend who would go home all the time because she worked in her home town on the weekends as well. I say had for a very good reason. We ended up never seeing each other (I live off campus and am a nice hike from her dorm plus we both studied a lot on week nights). I’ve lost all motivations to try and meet up with her now.</p>

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<p>No, I think it is a terrible and stupid idea. You can’t make good friends if you’re home all the time. </p>

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<p>Yes, part of the college experience, for most people at least, is learning to live on your own. You’re going to have a hard time doing that if you go see mom and dad every weekend.</p>

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<p>Just not going home. They can’t really make you go home. Most parents, in my experience, want their kid to come home but will understand that they can’t/shouldn’t come back every weekend. You can go home occasionally (once a month maybe twice occasionally) and talk on the phone every week. Maybe have them visit once in a while as well, no one is going to tease you and you’ll likely get good food for free.</p>

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<p>I would say once a month at first then play it by ear. It depends on the person really. I use to go home every month my first semester then it became every other month, then holidays and family things.</p>

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<p>I go visit the rents about once a month. I live close enough that there’s really no reason not to, plus I like seeing my family, plus I need to get some living and rent money each month anyway :P</p>

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<p>I’m actually getting ready to deal with this myself, as I’ve always been a commuter student until now. I’ll be living in a dorm 45 minutes away to a town my family frequents for errands and appointments so I’ll be able to see them when I’m not busy or in class. My Mom doesn’t expect me to come home every weekend, especially if I get the job I’m hoping I do since its a weekend morning position, and wants me to stay on campus. My grandmother on the other hand is all but demanding that I be home every single weekend from the minute my class ends on Friday to sometime late Sunday night. Not happening, and I know she and my mom have gone rounds already over this. We live in a mixed household by the way.</p>

<p>Needless to say, I won’t be home every weekend and answering every single on of their calls (again the grandmother). The only thing my Mom has asked is that I’m home obviously for the major holidays during the semester, that I do call occasionally but if I don’t call her at least text her every couple of days so she knows I’m alive and didn’t get abducted by aliens or something.</p>

7

<p>I know one person who went home every weekend. She never integrated into college life or met new people. Married a guy from her home town who never went to college and now they live there.</p>

<p>Is this wrong? Not necessarily. College can be a means to only a degree and job opportunities or it can open a person to new experiences and new ideas. It’s about what someone wants to experience- even if they end up in home town with home town spouse.</p>

<p>That said- I am a mom, and a new adult student is responsible for maintaining a relationship too. I do hope my kids will call and visit enough for us to stay in touch with each other, but IMHO, visiting and calling all the time would inhibit their growth and independence. I may not like some of the new ideas they come home from college with, but I want to hear about what they are learning and appreciate it when they share their ideas.</p>

<p>Likewise, we have to learn to let go and adjust to a new phase of life. </p>

<p>I miss them, but I hope that if I send them to college they will make the most of it and become independent adults with lives and minds of their own. They don’t want to come home every weekend and I don’t want them to. It’s not good for either of us.</p>

<p>But please kids, be considerate. We do want to know you are alive and not abducted by aliens… and if you travel somewhere far away- let us know you arrived safely when you go and return. It’s nice to know kids remember our birthdays and such.</p>

8

<p>If you’re local why not do that for home cooking and laundry if nothing else? I don’t see that affecting the experience. If it’s a few hour drive, that’s pretty extreme and will be detrimental to getting actual work done or keeping friendships. If your parents are paying for your college, they pretty much do have control over you so you’ll have to be more tactful. If not, tell them you’re an adult, you’ll do what you want.</p>

9

<p>I am a parent. I think it is a terrible idea for a college student to go home every weekend. College is more than just academic, it is time to network, making new friends, participating in on campus activities, learn to be independent. </p>

<p>I know kids who go to school less than half an hour away, their parents insist on them staying on campus and only come home during school breaks, like other students. </p>

<p>My kid is going to have Labor Day off. She asked if she should come home for the long weekend. I told her absolutely not. I would rather drive up to see her if she missed home than for her to come home so soon. </p>

<p>We have an older kid living and working in the same city as where we live. She has her own apartment. She comes over for dinners sometimes, but she doesn’t sleep over.</p>

<p>As parents, we raise our kids so they could be self supporting adults someday. It shouldn’t be our goal to have them tie to us indefinitely. By living at college on their own is a very big first step.</p>

10

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<p>I’ve got a couple friends from home who live ~45 minutes away from home, and they normally live on campus. They’re decently social. I live slightly outside of your time constraints (3.5 hours away from home), but I only go home on major holidays.</p>

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<p>Some people will say no, some people will say yes. Depends on your perception. I feel like it’s not that big of a deal, but if you’re going home every weekend, you’re cutting out a lot of the chill/hang out time that you have.</p>

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<p>At risk for advocating dirty white lies, say you’re busy. College is a time to slowly transition to living on your own, not be babied by your parents.</p>

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<p>I go with once every 2-3 months, depending on my schedule and holidays.</p>

11

<p>My freshman year my roommate and I were both from the same city 20 minutes away. I tried not to go home that much. Usually, my parents would come out to take me to dinner maybe one or two times a month. It was nice because I got to see them regularly but it wasn’t a big commitment in my day and I never left the area so it didn’t exactly feel like I was leaving campus.</p>

<p>My roommate however went home EVERY WEEKEND. At first, it was the whole weekend, 3/4 weekends in the month, for about two or three months. Then finally she realized she wasn’t involved in campus life that much. We go to a school of about 3,000 tops, so people know people through gossip. I had a very good number of acquaintances and I knew all the “news” around campus. Whenever I’d mention to her something like that, I had to explain the whole thing and even look the people up on Facebook because she just didn’t know.</p>

<p>I guess my point is that you can do well in school and earn your degree either way, but you’ll be missing out on the social part of the experience which is huge. She also revealed to me later that she didn’t feel as “grown-up” as she wished because she still spent every Sunday with her family and her mom did her laundry and brought it to school every week for her.</p>

<p>If your parents want you to come home all the time, I wouldn’t fight it too hard but maybe try to make compromises. Instead of going home to them on the weekend, maybe have them come to you once in a while for a Wednesday night dinner or something. If you are going home during the weekend, try to still have one fun night - like fun Thursday/Friday night and then home Saturday to Sunday. That way you’re still social on the weekend but your parents get to see you and know that you’re not avoiding them because you want to party.</p>

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<p>My boyfriend started at university last year and came home every two weeks to see me. I was still in high school so I appreciated it, however it did put a damper on his entire experience. </p>

<p>He made friends, but didn’t ever really get that college experience. His grades also suffered. Because of that, this year the roles are switched.</p>

<p>I am going to university this year and he is staying home to work for a year. It sucks, he screwed his entire plan up with his need to come see me. I don’t plan on going home each weekend because I could be studying/partying with my new friends. The reason I’m paying to live away from home this year isn’t to spend MORE money on gas to drive home each weekend, its to become independent and get that “college experience”. I could be going to community college and live at home. But I’m paying so much to live in the dorms, why would I waste this precious time?</p>

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<p>I only go home over breaks and for family things. Like I’ll be going home for my cousin’s wedding, October break, thanksgiving, and then winter/Christmas break this year. </p>

<p>I believe that going home every weekend would lessen my college experience. Not only do I go out to parties with my friends on weekends, but a lot of my sorority ceremonies and stuff are on the weekends. I also spend my weekends working, and it’s good to have that time available to have meetings for group projects on the weekend.</p>

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<p>Wow you guys have so many different views on this, and you all have good suggestions and stories.</p>

<p>I guess a student could get a campus job, or occupy himself or herself with activities, to circumvent the parents from making said student come home.</p>

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<p>My former dorm roommate, who moved in sometime in late winter quarter after my old roommate moved out to go home for a quarter due to health issues, went home every weekend since she lived 2-3 hours away. She never got involved with anything on campus, as she would always come straight back to the dorms after classes and then go home with her parents on the weekends. By the end of the year, she didn’t even know who the RA for my floor was because she was so disconnected with what was going on (and I don’t think she knows the name of the RA for her former floor either; she was previously in the dorm room above mine, the one known for being the party room), despite my suitemates and I saying so numerous times. My suitemates and I basically realized that my former roommate was used to being babied around and having her parents doing everything for her, as she never helped take out the trash or helped keep our suite clean, and on the day we had to move out, she had her mom clean her entire side of the room for her. She didn’t learn how to be independent from going home every weekend.</p>

16

<p>I only go home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and spring break because I go to school 500 miles away from home. I really don’t know anyone who goes home every weekend, even though the majority of the students at my school live in the Chicago suburbs, so about 2 hours away from campus. I know some people who go home every other weekend, or like once a month. I don’t think students should go home every weekend. Maybe once a month is ok other than the scheduled breaks. If you go home all the time, you miss weekend events and fun, and don’t interact with other students. Especially if it’s a small school, people get to know who goes home all the time.</p>

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<p>My college is an hour and 45 minutes away from home. I don’t exactly come from a happy home, so I plan on only going home for some breaks. For fall break, I might stay in town for a day and then go back. I seriously might enroll in summer school just to give myself more of a break from my family. </p>

<p>I think it would definitely negatively impact your college experience to go home all the time. A lot happens on the weekends. Not just parties - campus events, sports, a lot of things that I think are part of the experience. I’m looking forward to independence.</p>

<p>I think the easiest way to handle having a “clingy” parent would be to make yourself busy. Get a job, say you’re struggling in class and have to go to tutoring, etc. Or, make them pay for your gas since they’re the ones forcing you to make the trip. A few weeks of that should discourage them.</p>

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<p>In my opinion as a parent, you should go home very little. I would start now thinking about the suggestions above, and put yourself in a "holidays and special events " mindset. I disagree with the gradual idea… Personally, I think it is important to tell yourself and your parents that school is your home now, and your job is to make a life for yourself socially, academically, and economically. I went to school an hour away (back when we cared our essays on stone tablets) but my older brothers and sisters all went further. My parents assumed that I would be home as often as they were (once or twice a semester at most). change your Facebook “lives in”, change your mindset, and settle in. It will be uncomfortable at first, but it is the only way you will become a full member of your community. Our DD went to the other coast for college. She has friends from all over the US, but she has commented that the one who struggles socially, academically, and is overall the least integrated is the one who lives close by and kept her same job. Your dorm should be your home, and your parent’s home somewhere you visit on vacation.</p>

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<p>I think if someone wants to go home every weekend, then that’s their decision and it’s up to them. Some people are very content going to school during the week and returning home for the weekends. In fact, a lot of students choose a school close to home specifically to do that.</p>

<p>On the other hand, if someone has any desire to move away in the future, then I think going home every single weekend is a bad idea. You really should experience the world without family if that’s what you’re planning on doing in the future. College is a great in-between place to become comfortable with yourself. You have everything paid for (meals, room, etc), so you don’t have the added pressures of balancing a budget on top of living by yourself. You’re also usually surrounded by lots of friends and people going through the exact same situation as you.</p>

<p>I think that I probably went home 2-3 times a semester and I lived about 1.5 hours away from my school. My friend went home about every 2-3 weeks for Orthodontist appointments, but she would freak out if she wasn’t home for more than a month. She is a homebody, but she also plans on moving back to our hometown, so I think her going home all of the time isn’t that big of a deal, because that’s what she’s planning on doing anyways.</p>

<p>I couldn’t imagine going home every weekend. I didn’t want that at all. I live in a college town with seven schools and I specifically chose not to go to school here because I wanted to get away and live on my own.</p>

20

<p>My college about an hour’s plane ride or a few hours by bus away from home, so going back every weekend would be doable. However, I’m only going to go about once a month. I can always talk to my parents on the phone and Skype with them rather than visiting every weekend. At least at my college, I know that there are tons of events and things happening every weekend, so going home too often would make me miss quite a bit. Besides, when my sister started college, the admin/upperclassmen at orientation and welcome week and stuff said not to go home too often, especially if you get homesick, because that can make the homesickness get worse.</p>