I just transferred to a school specifically to be closer to home (among other things). My inital thought was that I would take one or two weekends a month to go home (Im 4.5 hours away but moved my schedule so I would be able to be home in time for dinner on Friday if I chose. This school was actually the furthest school away I applied on the transfer but wasnt accepted into the others). I already want to go home after a full week but I know thats not smart nor would my parents be ok with that. Does the amount of times I want to go home seem like way too much. Also if I waited two more weeks before going home is that too little? Thanks for any help?
4.5 hours seems pretty far but doable. However, I think you should be independent and perhaps visit during labor day weekend or just holidays in general. Is there a reason you want to be home besides homesickeness? I think it’s vital to stay on campus first few weeks to meet people, however 2 weekends a month doesn’t sound too bad.
Im not that homesick at all. I understand specifically the first few weeks are vital which is why plan on staying for atleast another weekend or two before I consider going home. And two weekends a month is on the high side, it will prob be closer to 1.
4.5hrs, is not bad. Probably not the best every weekend, but 1-2x a month is very reasonable.
No hard and fast rule. Try it after an amount of time you and your parents think is reasonable and go from there. Frequency of home visits is entirely adjustable and will in part be decided by the impact of your study requirements, extra curricular activities, whether or not you have job demands, and most of all your financial resources for said travel.
I definitely wouldn’t make it a rule, like @NorthernMom61 said. There’s no reason to make a set schedule to get home, just do it when you think you have time and want to go home. I do think that twice a month is too often for that distance (9 hours both ways is a lot of travel time!), so I’d say the most would be once a month. But really, it’s all up to you.
The beginning of school is when people are joining new clubs, forming new friends… I woudl try to be on campus as much as possible at first.
I lived 4 hours away from my husband for a year while a postdoc, and I usually made it back once or twice a month. Two weekends a month did seem like too much to be there with the long drive, but one weekend was pretty okay, driving-wise.
However, as far as socially - you could go home every weekend if you wanted to. The amount of time you go home is not reflective of your development or your independence. Some people just like their parents - they form different adult offspring-type relationships with them and enjoy being around them. I’ve had lots of friends who lived with their parents into their mid-20s - sometimes out of necessity (but not always their own; a few friends stayed home to help their parents pay the mortgage after one lost their job in the recession), and sometimes just because they got along with their parents all right and decided to save up some money before they moved out. Both of my siblings spend time with my parents once or twice a week every week.
You can decide your level of integration and participation in the social scene on campus. You can still make friends with people while going home one weekend a month, or even two - just hang out with them on weeknights and make some plans to stick around the other weekends. You don’t have to sleep on campus every night to meet people - friends in the real world don’t hang out every single minute of every day. As long as you are making some time to participate in stuff, you’ll be fine.
Chances are, your desire to go home will lessen as time goes on - such that you go home less second semester, and less still your sophomore year, etc.
Thought I would update after the first semester. I did mostly end up going home closer to once a month, however I often wanted to go home more than that. While I have friends it hasn’t lessened my desire to go home. I know there is something up that I am working to fix about why I am not comfortable on campus. Until then I just keep trudging. Despite this my grades are good (3.84) and I am doing my best to be involved. Ultiamtely though I am beginning to worry that there is some growing up that I am failing to do, and if I don’t figure out what it is then ultimately I am afraid I could be unhappy for the long term. Thanks for all the advice and sorry it took so long for me to return to this thread.
There is nothing wrong with you. You feel what you feel, that is not failure or weakness. In fact you might end up feeling more liberated if you simply accept your feelings. Some people live their entire lives in the same community as their family. You will grow up at your own pace.
I remember reading a similar thread last semester. The comments reinforced the idea that my son’s desire to come home every weekend (2 hours each way) was fine. Everybody is different, and nobody magically becomes “ready” to stay away from home for long periods of time at age 18. My son is currently staying at school 5 nights a week instead of 7 - big deal! Also, people who live at home and go to community college are not scrutinized the same way, nor are kids who decide to work first, or not go to college at all. If you zoom out and look at the big worldwide picture, you will see that wanting to be at home with your family is not weird at all. You’ve got the rest of your life to be “independent;” there’s no race! I think the decision for you should be based only on whether the long drive is worth it for you. Time with your parents - you will not regret.