Going off to college without any dating experience-is that bad?

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>You might have some people who try to take advantage of you because you’re inexperienced. There’s also some who will not want to date you because they don’t want a clingy girlfriend (like many first-timers are). Of course, there are others like myself who value that a girl doesn’t sleep around with a bunch of guys.</p>

<p>Go into relationships with the mindset that every person you date is a learning experience. Give most guys at least a first date, they might surprise you in some way. Do not commit too quickly. In college (or anywhere out of high school) a few dates don’t mean exclusivity or boyfriend/girlfriend status. Make sure you’re good for each other before moving to that step.</p>

<p>And remember you’re in college to learn. Dating can take up a lot of your time, but if you find a smart and supportive guy who cares about you, you’ll benefit from the relationship a lot.</p>

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<p>you’ll find plenty of friends with benefits ;)</p>

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<p>I don’t understand what people have with casual sex. I don’t think sex is evil/bad or anything like that, but what’s the appeal? Go have sex with someone you don’t love, hope there’s no pregnancy, and that you don’t get an STI. Ever thought that if you just want sex, you’d still get more from a stable relationship than you would with a bunch of one-night stands? All while having no risk of STIs (since it’s a monogamous relationship), and if there is a pregnancy, it’s easier to deal with. Commitment issues maybe?</p>

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<p>condoms are generally highly effective. yes, there’s still risk involved, but me getting in a car several times a week is much riskier than me having occasional sex with a few people. and sometimes you don’t WANT a relationship; that’s the point. it’s nice to hook up with someone and not have to worry about anything else. </p>

<p>as someone who has been in a relationship and also had one-night stands, i think there’s a time and place for both for some people. judging someone because they don’t share your lifestyle is not the way to go.</p>

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<p>I know condoms are effective and they should be used w/ birth control and all that jazz-I’ve taken health class/have common sense lol.
How often do most college students switch up partners? Do a lot of people sleep with/hook up someone different almost every time they go out or do people hook up with someone for a few weeks, then if things go sour, they try to find someone else to take their place? Or is it all pretty equal, along with monogamous relationships?</p>

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<p>There’s no judging from me, I just wanted to hear the logical reasoning for it. I ride motorcycles, which must be many times more dangerous than casual sex. Still, since I’d rather have relationships anyways, I don’t really do it.</p>

<p>I think it just comes down to personal preference in the end</p>

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<p>Do what makes you feel good OP. Go for it and be safe.</p>

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<p>i’m sure it varies from school to school, but from my experience there’s a little of everything. i’d say weekly random hookups are definitely most prevalent among people who are the most social, but there are also tons of people who go out who are in relationships or are single and choose not to hook up. there are also the people who go out often but only occasionally hook up. at my school the dating scene is a little lackluster but i’m sure at a bigger school you’d be able to find plenty of that too. you should be able to do pretty much whatever you want!</p>

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<p>Well said!</p>

<p>And you’ll be fine. My first kiss was at nineteen and my first relationship at twenty. Just use protection and never be afraid to say “no”. This is coming from a guy, by the way.</p>

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<p>OP, do what makes you happy (not just physically but emotionally) and stick with your own values, whatever they may be - don’t listen to other people who tell you what college should be about for you (like experimenting or having fun). I don’t think college is about sex, and I certainly don’t think that’s what makes it fun, so it very much depends on the person. Make the decision for yourself and don’t let people on CC or elsewhere pressure you into it.</p>

<p>And P.S., you can date and have a relationship without having sex. Wait until you are ready, whether you feel you are ready at a certain time, a certain age, after you are in a committed relationship, or after you are married.</p>

<p>I know of AT LEAST three or four people from college (and now, into my mid-20’s) who are waiting for marriage, myself included - and only one (not me) is doing it for religious reason. And by the way, all the people I mentioned have been in one or multiple relationships, not always with a partner that shared this value but who was fine with respecting their values and waiting.</p>

<p>My point is, there will be people on both sides, but figure out what’s right for YOU.</p>

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<p>This is coming from a Dad. The bottom line is just make sure that you get interested in and get involved with other good kids just like you. Don’t rush it. Don’t worry about it. Join at least two clubs and be social. Be yourself. Find a boy who questions life just like you and don’t be concerned about “experience”. Be concerned about the quality of the boy you choose – and be open at the same time. You may be surprised by who you are really attracted to. That person could be completely opposite to what your image of perfection is. Say yes to a lot of dates and say no when it doesn’t feel right. Also, don’t be afraid to ask a guy out. My kid was very shy and a proud nerd. His longtime girlfriend asked him out at first. That was several years ago and they are still going strong. By the way, the nerds and Asians that you hang out with could very well be the best place to start dating. Nerds = great careers and often caring loyal boyfriends who actually listen. Asians = strong family values that last a lifetime.</p>

<p>One more thing – nothing attracts attention like a person that cares for themselves. Exercise, eat right, treat yourself special. Experiment with different styles without regard to what others think. Don’t wait to start dating to start blossoming. Do it for yourself right now.</p>

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<p>I am a very introverted person. I STILL hardly ever talk if I’m in a group of people (more than 4 or 5), which is just a little ironic because most of my good friends tell me if we’re in 1 on 1 situations I never shut up. :)</p>

<p>My family moved just before I started high school and moved to an area where I defintiely did not fit in. I’d grown up in a very working class neighborhood and we moved to the upper class suburbs in a different state. When I first started high school, the kids weren’t even really shy about openly mocking me for the clothes I wore, the type of car my parents drove, or where we shopped. I went from an environment where students were advised to go to Goodwill if they needed to buy dress clothes for a school event to an environment where kids made fun of you to your face if you didn’t have the RIGHT designer label. Talk about culture shock for a teenager.</p>

<p>All that said, I didn’t date anyone in high school at all. </p>

<p>I had some issues my freshman year of college too. I was always told by older relatives that my roommate and I would become best friends, that we’d be like sisters, but my roommate and I did not get along at all and in fact after only a couple months I requested a new room. I didn’t get involved in many activities that year (see point above about being introverted) and frankly you really don’t meet people in your classes…sometimes you get to know people a little when you do group assignments, but often they have other groups of friends, so you don’t necessarily build a relationship that goes beyond the classroom.</p>

<p>In fact after freshman year I SERIOUSLY considered transferring to another school. But I decided to give it one more try. I was a geek by nature, I still work in IT, but that was before the days of the internet and even email as you know it today. But I took a class where I had to get an account on the campus computer system that had a campus bulletin board and on campus email. I started spending more and more of my time in the computer labs on campus and actually met the first guy that I ever dated in my life online on the campus bulletin board system (kind of pre-internet dating). We wound up dating for 7 months. I didn’t hook up with a new guy every week, that definitely wasn’t for me. But I met someone who I liked…a lot, and shared common interests with…and although I’d never really considered Greek life, he was even in a frat, so as unlikely as it was, I even got exposed to some of that life. And in fact, even though our relationship didn’t end on the best note, he’s now my Facebook friend and we keep in touch periodically.</p>

<p>While I was dating him, I met a lot of other people on campus, and after we split up, I went on a few dates - dinner or a movie or dinner and a movie. But I wasn’t really one for ‘hooking up’ and although it was really easy to meet people in college and go out if that’s what you wanted to do, for me it was just a little uncomfortable. Only about 3 months after breaking up with my first real boyfriend, I went to a birthday party for another friend and met another guy there. We just hit it off immediately and started spending more and more time together. We wound up going out during the next year and then moving in together. We lived together for 7 years and had a son before we wound up splitting up. </p>

<p>So, even if you haven’t ever dated, even if you’re not the type to ‘hook up’, yes you can still meet men in college and develop relationships that work for you and so long as you are comfortable in all the choices you make, you will have a lot of fun doing it. As soon as you let anyone pressure you into doing something that isn’t right for you, you’ll just wind up feeling awkard and uncomfortable and not enjoying the experience.</p>

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<p>Kudos to you for going against the grain and sticking to your own values. I think there are a lot more people like you out there than most people think. Everyone must make their own choices based on what feels right for them.</p>

<p>OP, I don’t think it’s uncommon at all to begin college with zero dating experience. When you are ready, it will happen for you. Don’t force it just because you feel pressure that others are doing it.</p>

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<p>I didn’t date before college, and now I’ve been in a very happy relationship for 21 months. I wouldn’t worry about not dating beforehand too much :)</p>

<p>As for what other people are doing - I know people who have a lot of casual sex, I know monogamous couples, I know polyamorous couples/sets of people, I know asexuals in or not in relationships, I know people waiting for marriage and people not and people never intending to marry. Your relationship is about you and the person you’re with. Be as clear as you can be about what you want, act honestly, make sure whatever sex you have is done with precautions against STI’s and unintended pregnancies (if relevant). Encourage others to apply those three things, whatever their sex lives may be. Beyond honesty and safety, stop ranking some types of relationships as superior to others in some sort of moral sense - that’s bull. Just figure out what particular setup is best for you, and go with it.</p>

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<p>OsakaDad- Having sex doesn’t make someone a “bad” kid. Being a virgin doesn’t make someone a saint.</p>

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<p>People come from a variety of backgrounds and don’t sweat that you haven’t done x, y or z. Osakadad’s advice is prime time IMO, he hit the proverbial nail on the head. I am not exactly religious right material or have many hangups about sex, but I think emphasizing sex as part of the college experience is kind of idiotic, in that college is supposed to be about doing a lot of different things. Maybe because I grew up in a household where sex wasn’t a taboo, where despite being of an ‘older generation’ (WWII generation) my parents talked about it honestly (gasp, they had sex before they were married…didn’t ya know everyone back then was pure when they got married? <em>lol</em>) it never was a prime focus, despite being a typical young man.</p>

<p>My take? Let it come as it does and follow your instincts, and don’t let anyone tell you you are doing something wrong. Despite popular myth, dating doesn’t have to be about jumping into the sack together, the idea of dating is to get to know someone, have some fun and get your feet wet into a relationship. If you choose to have sex, fine, if you choose to wait, that is fine:). Get to know people, and I am sure you will come across people who are attractive to you, whoever that is, and it will happen. </p>

<p>And I agree, don’t be afraid to push things a bit if you find someone attractive, there is nothing wrong with suggesting doing things together; doesn’t have to be a formal date, my first date with my wife was going to the Christmas tree lighting at Rockefeller Center 30 years ago, and we are still together, been together since that night, and I had never dated before college either and didn’t really date my freshman year…</p>

<p>Don’t put pressure on yourself and don’t let others put pressure on you, do what feels right and use your head as well as your heart, and you will be fine. Among other things, college is a lot different then high school, it is a very different place, the nice part is while there are ‘groups’ on campus (depending on the school), most are large enough that you are bound to find ‘group’ or ‘groups’ that you fit in with:)</p>

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<p>I, too, didn’t date before college and actually very little IN college. I’m now a happily married 30-something with plenty of dating experience having happened in my 20’s. I’m not weird, I promise. I was shy, and I grew out of it.</p>

<p>I also will agree with another poster to try saying YES to as many things as you feel comfortable doing so – try out different friend groups, etc. Just don’t let yourself be pressured. Everyone takes different roads to get where they are. And thank goodness! It would be a boring world if they didn’t.</p>

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<p>OP - first of all, I would strongly encourage you to change your screen name - anything with “stalker” raises potential red flags even though I know absolutely nothing about you.</p>

<p>Also, it probably seems like most kids in high school have been dating because most kids in high school are around other kids who are their socioeconomic and intellectual peers. Most CCers on the other hand, tend to stand out in high school because they are talented, driven, ambitious, etc. at a level well above their classmates. (My apologies if this sounds conceited, but it reflects my experience)</p>

<p>When you get to college, you are far more likely to be around more kids like yourself and the pool of appealing dates will increase exponentially.</p>

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<p>It is funny this conversation came up. I was just talking to my H about this very same thing. My D is a senior and she is very pretty with a lot going on for her. She is not classified a nerd but she is an athlete that travels to compete, a straight A student and well she just hasn’t had many opportunities to meet guys. She definitely thinks the ones at her HS school are childish and not worth the time. ( she spends most her time studying, training or competing)….As a mom I am concerned about her going off to college inexperianced and never been kissed. I thought it would be nice for her to at least started dating when she was home so I could spend lots of time giving her advise…But the bottom line is she will meet the right people when the time is right. I want her to go to college for her education…not for boys LOL!!!<br>
Yearbookstalker: you sound like you are smart enough to know the difference between the right guy and the wrong guy…………don’t worry about it, there will be plenty of time to date. Don’t grow up too fast</p>

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<p>Haha, just know that you’re not alone. :)</p>