<p>My son has to choose between 2 fine colleges, one a few minutes from home and the other about 6 hrs. from home. Is attending college close to home detrimental to his personal growth? Should we encourage him to move further away? I look forward to receiving the benefit of your collective wisdom.</p>
<p>'Is attending college close to home detrimental to his personal growth?"
Only if you treat him like he is still in HS and he expects you to continue to do 'Mom" things for him like when he’s at home… The trick is to think of him as being 6 hrs away. Don’t expect, or even hope, that he will pop in frequently. And let HIM know that you expect him to act like he is far away- he will be expected to do his own laundry, take responsibility for eating right, getting to class on time, etc, etc… just like any kid in college far from home.</p>
<p>I’d go 6 hours away over one a few minutes from home. But that’s me and not your son.</p>
<p>I went to college in my hometown, but as menloparkmom suggests, I thought of myself as being a long way from home. My folks weren’t the hovering types, so it worked out great. And I never asked Mom to do my laundry!</p>
<p>Attending close to home is fine as long as it’s handled okay. If possible he could still live on-campus in the dorms. You could give him space including making sure you never ‘drop in’ on him. The proximity adds some convenience wherein he could come home on some weekends and you could go have lunch with him (pre-arranged), etc. As long as you provide the space for his independence, and he wants and pursues his independence, it can be little different than attending 6 hours away. If he’s going to commute from home at the close one versus staying in a dorm at the further one it’s a totally different situation.</p>
<p>Could be a great exercise in respecting one another as mutual adults! If you happen to be at the grocery store when S is purchasing booze or condoms, then you’ll just have to focus fiercely on the ice cream section until items are bagged. Otherwise, no problemo.</p>
<p>I live a half hour from home and have had no problem. I don’t act like I live 30 minutes from home, though, is the trick. I’ve only been home twice outside of breaks the whole year-- once because a trip to my regular doctor had become necessary and once to go to a training thing for summer, never just for the hell of it. In an emergency my parents are there-- though even when I got stranded at the ER at 4am with my boyfriend and no money I managed by myself, and they are there to visit with periodically, but I am here doing my thing and they are at home doing theirs.</p>
<p>My roommate is also local and goes home every weekend. She has not grown much. If her parents saw a problem with that they needed to be prepared to set limits, and for whatever reason they chose not to. Be prepared to make that decision yourself.</p>
<p>I agree with everyone else that it matters how you deal with it, but all things being equal, I’d suggest the farther school. It depends on what your son wants, though.</p>
<p>S1 is 30 minutes down the road. He wanted to be farther but this is the best school (UNC) for the price. So, we don’t bother him much. We see him about once every 4-6 weeks or so, but sometime just fleetingly when he wants to borrow the car. He has a job in North east New Mexico in the Rockies during the summer in which he has spotty cell phone service. It gives him the ability to be away. If he wants to come home, he has to ask and make arrangements.</p>
<p>I went to school close to home, at the school my parents taught at (it was free at the time.) I lived in the dorms. I think it totally depends on your relationship, and there is no real right answer. </p>
<p>At the time, I saw my folks pretty regularly, and I have to say it felt a little constricting, but now as a parent I understand how they felt. </p>
<p>I think its kind of unnatural not to see your family if you are living in the same town with them. Isnt it setting up an unnatural boundary? I mean one that is not dictated by distance? Does my question even make sense? Of course I am an only child, and I feel jealous of folks with lots of family around to hang out with.</p>
<p>So I guess I would ask the OP- are you worried about hovering? I know I would be…Does your S need to be thrown in the deep end of the pool?</p>
<p>^^ Good point. It seems to work for us but I’m not a hoverer. Plus the summers away are important.</p>
<p>My d is going to college 45 minutes from home and she will live on campus just like if she was going 5 hours away. It is the on campus that makes the difference. She is fully going to college and will have to make her own way. Her friends have done the same thing and they are not home except for holidays and an occasional laundry visit and it is working out well.</p>
<p>I went to a juco for two years, then transferred to a college 45 minutes away, living in an apt. I came home every weekend to see my juco friends, and mom did my laundry. Worked out well for me, lol.</p>
<p>We told our '11 S that if he attends the oh-so-close State Flagship (which has one of the best programs in the country for his intended major), we’ll treat the situation as if he were hours away :)</p>
<p>List advantages and disadvantages for both keeping in ming personality of your son. Do it together with him. Assign weithgs to each advantage and disadvantage using any scale (1 thru 10, 1 thru 100, does not matter). Count and evaluate. You will have correct answer.</p>
<p>We live within 30 minutes of son’s college. We let him know a couple of days ahead of time if we plan on coming for lunch or dinner and we see him for an hour about once a month. About once a month he comes home for the weekend and he lets us know ahead of time what weekend. He has plenty of time for his friends at college. Works out great.</p>
<p>I really don’t see any difference in a kid at college 5 minutes away or hours away. They all have to learn to do their laundry and take care of themselves. Kids who go across country can’t come home as often but I don’t see where that makes them grow up faster than kids who are closer. Treat them as adults either way.</p>
<p>S2 is in college about an hour from home. He came home for a few hours for Thanksgiving, and then came home for a few days each for winter and spring breaks. He’s in a time-consuming program, and couldn’t take more time than that away from his studio work. If he was 6 hours away, he wouldn’t have come home at all.</p>
<p>Simple answer. Bad.</p>
<p>I’ve posted about this before and got a lot of backlash about it. I do believe it’s great for them to live close to home or even AT HOME (yes omg, how horrible to many here).</p>
<p>I don’t see absolutely anything wrong with it. Children mature and become adults even if they live at home and many times even more responsible adults - that is how we all did it in my home country. </p>
<p>I frankly think it doesn’t make sense to pay all the extra $$ for room and board and subsidize most of all of the living expenses anyway just to have the illusion of children being on their own. That really truly happens only when they have a job and can really support themselves anyway.</p>