<p>S1 is considering a school in CA and we live on the East Coast. Besides having to take maturity and independence into view, any other cautionary measures to consider? I know parents who would never consider sending their kids so far away, and others who take the attitude, "Hey, they're 18!" </p>
<p>Any personal experiences with success or not? Thanks.</p>
<p>Hey, he's 18. Alexander the Great conquered half the world at his age.</p>
<p>My son also wants to go to school in CA (we are in the east also). His admission to UCLA, etc. seems somewhat unlikely, but if he were admitted, one concern is whether there would be someone around should he get sick, need help in an emergency or the like. If he went to school even 7 hrs away on the east, I could drive there within a day to get to him. Not so in CA.</p>
<p>We do have family friends out there, which is a plus. But, I'd prefer it if we had family members in the state. At most east coast schools to which he's applied, there is some family member within 2 hours of the school. To me, that's a consideration beyond the independence/maturity thing.</p>
<p>DD is on the opposite coast. We felt that college was a great opportunity to go to a different part of the country in a somewhat "protected" way, and we did not discourage her. The only thing that is an "issue" is that the cost of airfare has gotten so high (and especially when the students are on vacation) that we only see her two times a year. But we do have family in the state (lots of it) and some good friends too. She has lots of open invitations to visit, and offers of assistance if she needs it. Still, we wish we could visit her more. That's the only downside.</p>
<p>Cost. You do have to take that into consideration. My son is cross country at college too. His brothers went to college 7 hours away but both had excellent access to home via bus, train, air, plus that distance is still drivable for a weekend. Now the distance for #3 is not pragmatically drivable.</p>
<p>H and I decided to go together to move him into the dorms. Though we got decent fares, that is an uncertainty with gas prices. No direct flights to his location, so we either had to switch plains (a real headache these days) or drive quite a distance with a necessary rental. The distance and time change made it pretty much necessary for a longer block of time. Also with restriction on luggage on the planes we ended up buying stuff that we had at home already. Also we are going to have to be sending him a box of winter things. </p>
<p>Thanksgiving plane tickets are through the roof so he is not coming home for that holiday. We did not go to Family weekend because neither H nor I could take off that much time. Had he been in the same time zone and not such a long travel distance, I just might have considered popping up there for a full day. I have done this with the older ones; driven one way with a rental and then flying home. This is a no go.</p>
<p>thumper1 & cptofthehouse--now that your family has gone through it, if you had to do it again, would you discourage your student from going to school on the opposite coast?</p>
<p>We aren't on a coast (not yet at least and hopefully not ever as a result of global warming) but both kids went far north to school - 2 day drive. Would do it again in a heartbeat. We only saw them Christmas and summer (and not even that for S who stayed in CA for the summer as well) and missed them terribly but now with one graduated and one doing a fantastic study abroad, I definitely feel it is worth it. Most of their friends stayed local. The ones who went away, even as little as 4 hours away, have all become more global in their thinking. 4 hours, seven hours, 2 days - just being away makes a tremendous difference. Maybe we were lucky, but never have had an emergency to contend with. Neither kid knew anyone where they went. Downside (aside from costs) - some like where they go so much they never really return. ;)</p>
<p>We sent D1 to the opposite coast, and I've never regretted it. Around CC deliberately choosing the opposite coast used to be called the Chelsea Clinton Rule, after young Ms. Clinton who chose Stanford over her legacy school Yale in order to experience a new part of the culture and country for four years.</p>
<p>I have to say that our son goes to school in upstate NY and, though he/we love the school, travel to the left coast is a big issue. Making his holiday reservations last week (3 months in advance), we were bummed to discover that the ticket cost $200 more than last year, and he has an added leg--in other words, he has two connections, instead of one no matter which airline we tried. We're hoping S2 end up at a school with more streamlined travel.</p>
<p>DD is 1100 miles north, no family, no family friends closer. Selfishly, I would love for her to be at the state flagship one hour away. But her fit was in MA, and I am so very happy for her. Thanksgiving is not an option for her to come home, but she has made good friends already that will welcome her for the week that are within driving home range.</p>
<p>Your joy for your child being where they need to be will outweigh all else.</p>
<p>I would still do it again. Our kids these days are smart and capable. If they have managed the intricacies of the whole application process, they are capable of finding the student health center, dry cleaners, whatever. It IS hard to be far away when they get sick, or lonely, or whatever, but they manage much better, I think, than we at home do! My child is much more independent, self-assured, and happy than she would have been had we forced her to stay closer to home. That said: cost is definitely a big issue. My child also won't be home for Thanksgiving, and we can't attend the parents weekend.</p>
<p>Our youngest is on the opposite coast, in a location folks like to visit. Her working sibs are each going for a weekend this fall. It took almost as long to get to her brother's school by car.
Flight costs have risen since she started. We charge everything to get frequent flyer miles; but often, one of us will go there, rather than have her come home during the semester.
Thanksgiving is just too short a break to justify the high cost and difficulty scheduling flights, although we made it happen for the freshman year. We made the Christmas reservations in August.
Do I wish she were closer? At times, but it is the time difference which is harder; she's still in classes during my evening; by the time she is chatty, I've gone to bed.</p>
<p>My son is all the way across the country. We live in Oregon, he's in Massachusetts. My daughter is going to college about 5 blocks from home. (She'll transfer next year to about 200 miles from home, still close.)</p>
<p>Downsides of the 'cross country separation are the same ones everyone else has mentioned; travel costs and time (from here to there, or vice versa, is 3 connecting flights - there's no other way to do it), seeing him only twice a year, missing seeing him compete in his sport, etc. Personally, I'm not one to worry about health emergencies. Maybe that's because no on in our family has ever had one, so they seem like too unlikely a thing to hang big decisions on. In our case it wouldn't be different from "what if there's a flood or a fire at the school?" Just not a place where my fears reside, plus I have confidence that the systems in place at the school would function and he'd get to a hospital if it came to that.</p>
<p>The good part of the distance is MAINLY that it's a great school, but he's also learning greater independence, and he's developing a sense of comfort that he can be somewhere far away, previously unknown to him, and build a life there, be happy there, cope with stresses there. That he can succeed in a larger world without childhood supports.</p>
<p>I don't so much wish he was closer because I think this is very good for him, but I do wish we had direct flights and affordable airfares so I could fly back to see him once and a while. But, you make do. ;)</p>
<p>D on the opposite coast seemed bound and determined to go that far for school - the schools at the top of the list were all on the west coast. (this in spite of being very close to both her parents). When touring schools in CA I met a mom whose kids were all going to east coast schools and she said " you won't believe how fast the time between holidays passes." I am finding that to be true. Once you get past a few hours drive I think the issues are pretty much the same - for us the schools she looked at in central mass would have been as expensive to get to and as remote. Some thoughts:
I do try to plan an annual trip out when I am budgeting for the school year and that is more expensive than her trips home because of hotel rooms, rental cars and meals out (it works out to be at least $1000 every time I go) but I have loved these trips because she has been excited always to show off her new city and state (Portland, OR)
I find we have needed to be a lot more organized than with my son who was in state, since everything has to be shipped, carried on the plane or bought there. Fortunately she loves poking through thrift stores and is a big user of Craig's list. There is also a string of packages that follows her back to school every time she goes :-)
Thank God for the internet - I have been able to search on line for repair shops, doctors, a photo class, and occasionally directions when she is lost. We also have used the internet to find housing for her when she was home over the summer one year.
She take lots of pictures and sends them to me that help me visualize where she is and who her friends are - that helps me. (I can picture her day). Along the same line I try to keep up with the campus news on line, as well as the local news, weather, events so we have some common knowledge when talking (I did this with my son who was closer too).
When she started telling people where she was going to school - we were surprised at the people we knew who had family and friends in the area that they offered up as people to call on if the need came up. She has those names and numbers with her.
I do think it is important to have the health care ducks in a row. I have a friend whose daughter had to find her way to the hospital this past week at a time that her college heath center was closed and her RA couldn't be found (Roomie drove her and then stayed on the phone with Mom and Dad to let them know what was going on). In hindsight she thought they should have planned for this a little more.</p>
<p>S went to the opposite coast and no regrets except for travels during the holidays. But he came back every holiday, for 4 years.
D went away 350 miles for undergrad, but is in grad school opposite coast.</p>
<p>I grew up on the West Coast live on the east. I don't think it is a big deal if the kid is mature etc. However, the real issue now is the cost of it. Plane fares are going up, so visit homes cost more. You have to plan the trip out there well, e.g., buy all the stuff out there rather than drag it out in a trailer (given gas costs etc.). D got into both West and East Coast schools but thought about some of these issues and opted for East. If you have infinite money it does not matter of course.</p>
<p>We live in the Inland Northwest and D is at an eastern school. The problems weve encounter are the same ones as other posters have mentioned . Being is different time zones is also a problem. I think some of Ds friends from home are still calling and texting her late at night (after 10pm pacific time); which means shes up (socializing) well after 1am eastern time.</p>
<p>One of my DDs went 1500 miles from home, but near to one set of grandparents and a couple of aunts. It was great for a free place to stay when we visited and an excuse to see the grandparents more often.</p>
<p>However, the downside was that the expectations of the local family. DD was in a rigourous major and involved in her campus life, but the grandparents (30-45-60 minutes away, depending on traffic) were constantly pressuring her to come visit, come for dinner, etc and were complaining to us they did not see her enough. </p>
<p>They thought she should have plenty of time for them, but with a double major, 16-18 units, sorority, campus job, homework, labs, etc she really did not have a lot of free time and what she did have she wanted to use to make more campus friendships, not go to dinner at grandma's every week. Further stressing this was that if/when she did go, there was no relief, the pressure intensified.</p>
<p>I am sorry she went so close to them, as it was not a good experience for any of us. They did not have the ability to appreciate seeing her when they could and the fact that they were seing her more than ever before, they wanted her every weekend :(</p>
<p>A consideration in terms of travel:</p>
<p>If you are within an hour of a multiple major airports (LGA/JFK/Newark or IAD/DCA) and he goes to school within an hour of multiple major airports (SFO/OAK/San Jose or Los Angel/Burbank/Long Beach) the travel is very doable, and there are usually competing airlines that make airfare somewhat more reasonable. It can be more convenient than a 7 or 8 hour drive that is "closer." </p>
<p>However, if the travel is between less common locations with only one airport option, it can be both expensive and time consuming. There will be fewer (if any) direct flights, and connections add time and hassle (many coastal flights connect through Chicago...which can be iffy in the winter can be iffy.)</p>
<p>2boysima--that's a good point! So, if we are 20 mins from Philly International (& 1 hour from NEwark) and son goes to school in Los Angeles, maybe it would be more do-able than going to VA Tech (a 7 hour car ride)? Hmmm. It still seems more 'controllable' when it's car travel (can leave when you like, drive all night, etc.) but maybe that's deceiving.</p>