<p>I would not try to talk her out of her bad attitude. I might advise her mother to find some recent college graduates in her home town that are struggling with their student loans and encourage them to ‘hang out’ together for an evening or two. She may see the light or not. When she gets out of college and talks to all her high school classmates that are struggling to find a job AND pay off their loans, well, her path will seem brighter than she initially thought…</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>Agreed. I don’t think you can talk someone out of a bad attitude, but things can be DONE that can inspire a change of attitude.</p>
<p>I think the mom’s position that daughter would attend the cheapest school, and now having money for a Florida house are making the girl more resentful. She may feel she’s been sold off to the highest bidder and had no say in her college choice at all.</p>
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<p>Yeah, like getting away from mom and attending 'Bama. It’s not the gulag, as she’ll quickly discover. Unless she chooses to make it such.</p>
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<p>True. But she has tons of say in her choices AT college. The sooner she recognizes this and takes hold of the incredible opportunities that lie before her, the sooner she’ll work her way through her understandable, albeit self-defeating, resentment. It’s a process she didn’t ask for, but one for which she is now responsible. Which means SHE’s in control going forward. </p>
<p>What could be better?</p>
<p>BTW, if all else fails, have this girl walk (or drive) a mile in my shoes to see what it’s really like to have it bad. ;)</p>
<p>[The</a> worst traffic In America? It’s not Los Angeles - Yahoo! Autos](<a href=“The worst traffic In America? It's not Los Angeles”>The worst traffic In America? It's not Los Angeles)</p>
<p>While not going in with a bad attitude, there are quite a number who attend Bama, and it is not the Fantasyland that is painted in this forum. No one’s pointing fingers or blaming Bama or the student or the academic department. Life just doesn’t always work out to our expectations. Even going in with a happy attitude doesn’t guarantee success. </p>
<p>I always loved the saying, Self-appointed expectations lead to self-induced frustrations.</p>
<p>You can go in thinking you’ll get this great degree and have great opportunities, and they may never materialize. And conversely, you may go in thinking this will be the worst experience of your life, and even though you will hate a lot of aspects of your college experience, you may make some wonderful friends that you would never have met otherwise had you not attended Bama.</p>
<p>Hoping your relative has a good college experience, if only in hindsight.</p>
<p>I think it’s a lot about what you put into it. College isn’t a themepark; it’s primarily a place of hard-work and dedication, with some fun opportunities on the side. </p>
<p>There are kids who let themselves be tied to their home-town roots (constantly texting significant others who are elsewhere, for example), so they never set down any new roots. </p>
<p>There are kids who either aren’t used to studying or get caught up in the “parents aren’t around” syndrome and let their grades go to heck. </p>
<p>There are kids who spend their free time in their dorms playing video games and never really go after what’s offered. They may find a few like-minded friends and they scratch their heads wondering how/why others are finding these great opportunities, while they aren’t. </p>
<p>Bama has a lot to offer, but nothing is going to be handed to anyone on a silver platter. </p>
<p>And, often it’s the early bird that catches the worm. The person who’s taken the time to network, to find out what’s out there, and ask questions, is often the one who’s landed the research opps, the REUs, the lab jobs, etc.</p>
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<p>Agreed. 100%.</p>
<p>Nothing guarantees success. But resiliency, absorbing life’s lessons from every experience, then putting those lessons into play optimize the probability of success. </p>
<p>What was it Franklin said? The only guarantees are death and taxes. Can we update this wisdom to include self-fulfilling prophecies and 'Bama winning another National Championship?</p>
<p>BTW, I thought UA was Tomorrowland, not Fantasyland. :)</p>
<p>Love your post, Montegut.</p>
<p>Great points, Montegut.</p>
<p>Speaking for my own situation, my son does not necessarily have a bad attitude. He is just sort of ambivalent about the whole thing. Bama was not his first choice, but in his wisdom he realized it was the most reasonable choice. Expecially when he is still undecided about his major – why not let somebody else foot the bill while he explores?</p>
<p>Part of his mental state involves the fact that three of his close friends (all NMF’s) are going to Fordham, which gives full tuition to NMF’s. Unfortunately, you have to be in the top 10% of your HS class to get that scholarship, and he was not quite there. So he feels left out to a degree. I am hoping that Bama Bound will light a little bit of a fire in him. He is rooming with a classmate in the fall, and I am starting to see a little excitement here and there. He graduates tonight, so I’m hoping once it is over, he will take the bull by the horns.</p>
<p>This is just a maternal hunch, but maybe this girl is scared to death about the big changes coming up in her life. She may view everyone’s interest as “people badgering her and hounding her about football tickets and sororities”. All the talk might just be making her more anxious. Being so noncommittal and blase could be her way of dealing with her nerves (and it’s also a pretty effective way to get people to stop talking). </p>
<p>One of my kids who recently graduated was like this about college - downplayed everything just to get people to leave him alone and stop contributing to his anxiety. He would rather work through his nerves completely on his own. He’s always been this way. </p>
<p>My other kid is getting ready to leave for college and couldn’t be MORE excited about football games, etc. She readily admits to being terrified, but would talk about it all day if she had the chance. Working through her nerves with the people she loves and cares about is what works for her. She’s the total opposite of her big brother.</p>
<p>Everyone is different and everyone has different “coping mechanisms” for stress. :)</p>
<p>I think the mom’s position that daughter would attend the cheapest school, and now having money for a Florida house are making the girl more resentful.</p>
<p>I agree. It was terribly short-sighted for the mom to vocalize that she can now by a retirement home in Florida. Even if that’s true, she shouldn’t have said it. Parents have to be careful when discussing money matters with their children. Anything that smacks of “saving for retirement” or similar can make a kid feel like the parent is having a “me first” attitude…even when preparing for retirement so as to not be a burden on your children is an unselfish thing to do. </p>
<p>My dad was always saying, “we have to save for our old age.” To us, it just seemed like an excuse to be cheap…but we were kids and didn’t understand the big picture. If my dad had said that he needed for us to go to the cheapest school so that he could afford a retirement home in San Diego, we would have been miffed.</p>
<p>gsmomma, I completely understand where your husband’s relative is coming from. In April, I was furious with my parents for “failing me” and refusing to pay $20,000/year to send me to Yale. My options were at that point to go to UA on a full ride NA finalist scholarship or to not go to college at all. I was terrified about what my judgmental “friends” would think, mainly because they were going to prestigious private colleges like Georgetown and Emory (but now I’m chuckling at them because they’re scrambling and trying to find MASSIVE loans to pay for their tuition). I honestly cried on several occasions because I thought I was throwing away a life-altering opportunity by getting myself into over $100,000 worth of debt before the age of 22, all to go to some name-brand Ivy League school.</p>
<p>Before researching UA, I was completely ignorant of all of the AMAZING opportunities UA offers students. I, like my pretentious classmates, thought UA was a second-rate school in a little podunk town in…<em>gasp</em> Alabama. However, I found a ton of really great programs such as Alabama Action, Outdoor Action, the Emerging Scholars Program, the Honors College, the University Scholars Program (where you can earn your bachelors AND masters in 4 years if you really work, plus both degrees would be FREE as a NMF/NA scholar) and several study abroad programs to participate in. I’ve really come to appreciate being accepted to UA because it’s really like a secret gold mine (excuse the cheesy analogy)- there are all kinds of outstanding opportunities at UA, but you just have to go out and find them for yourself. And that’s something I definitely would NOT have done at Yale, mainly because I would have thought, “Oh well…I’m into Yale, so that should get me wherever I want to go in life.”…NOT. Employers and graduate schools want to see a diverse resume full of internships, community service, and study abroad programs that show that the student is willing to go above and beyond to improve themselves. </p>
<p>Also, with her NMF scholarship, UA might actually end up paying her straight cash to go to their school. If she didn’t get a corporate scholarship, UA will just give her $1,000/year just for being NMF. I got a corporate scholarship, but UA will give me $1,000/year every year after my freshman year. Also, the Emerging Scholars program gives students about $300 in stipend money just for being part of the program. by going to UA, I changed the way I looked at college. I realized that colleges should be paying ME for working my butt of in high school, not the other way around!</p>
<p>UA was initially the complete opposite of what I wanted in a college- it’s a BIG public school with a huge sports program, and it’s located in the south (I’m from Atlanta, and I wanted to go up north). I dreaded the idea of a bunch of tailgaters clogging up the college every Saturday, or the school focusing solely on the athletes. I’m not a big sports fan, but I’m definitely going to try to get into football at least (haha, I’ll probably be the loudest one, covered in body paint at every game) in the fall. Also, the football program uses some of its profits to pay for NMF and NA Presidential scholarships. I thought that was REALLY great because it shows UA’s commitment to academics.</p>
<p>Another thing I’ve noticed about UA is how NICE and helpful everyone is. Got a question? Post to the CC UA page, and it will be answered in a minute flat. Need a ride from the airport? Someone will be gracious enough to volunteer. And everyone is always really encouraging and willing to tell students and parents about all kinds of great, FREE programs that UA offers. I’ve never seen that kind of generosity and hospitality displayed at any other college. </p>
<p>Anyway, I’m sorry this reply is so long. I just wanted your husband’s relative to know that UA isn’t nearly as bad as she thinks it will be, trust me. Not everyone at UA is a tobacco-chewing hillbilly, haha. They have something like 182 NMFs and like 90 NA finalists this year, which is absolutely amazing. There are a lot of smart kids who just happened to go where the money was. Plus, she’ll be thanking her family at graduation when she doesn’t have a ton of student loans: <a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/12/education/12college.html[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/12/education/12college.html</a></p>
<p>^^^And that’s why he’s called aquapoet, ladies and gents. Beautifully written, insightful, and . . . medicinal.</p>
<p>This is the kind of all-star who’s choosing UA.</p>
<p>Roll Tide!</p>
<p>Thank you so much malanai! (and haha btw, I’m a girl)</p>
<p>My bad! So sorry! :(</p>
<p>Not everyone at UA is a tobacco-chewing hillbilly, haha</p>
<p>Actually, very, very few would fit that description. The truth is that few of those types would be able to afford Bama. The majority will be regular city kids like any other city kid anywhere.</p>
<p>BTW…great post!</p>
<p>^^^On the other hand, I’ve met many an effete snob who could learn a lot from tobacco-chewing hillbillies.</p>
<p>Well said and Roll Tide Aquapoet24.</p>
<p>Thanks, Aquapoet. I just sent your comment to my son, an NMSF who will be studying engineering starting this fall in the honors program. Not that he needed any encouragement; his excitement about UA is on par with yours. Have a great time in Tuscaloosa!</p>
<p>ROLL TIDE! I love this forum :)</p>