<p>I'm applying to Cal and UCLA (but i'd much rather go to UCLA...i'm just applying to Cal to see if I get in...). Here are my stats, could you guys tell me if I have a good chance or not?:</p>
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<p>Major: Psychology</p>
<p>Applying: from UCI to UCLA/UCB</p>
<p>Current GPA: 3.575 as of spring 2007 but it'll probably be 3.619 at the end of fall quarter</p>
<p>I'll have all of UCI's GE's and all of UCLA's major reqs done by spring quarter of this year and I've gotten A's in all my major classes</p>
<p>I worked full time over the last summer &I'm working part time during this school year (15 hours a week)</p>
<h2>My ECs in high school &college were/are: JSA (political club-3 years), Varsity soccer team (4 years), UCI's A Capella team (2 years), volunteer work at a problem/suicide hotline (6 months), and volunteer work at a daycare (1 summer)</h2>
<p>I feel like I have a decent chance, but I still don't know and MY FIRST ESSAY SUCKS. I've read other people's essays and they're interesting. Mine answers the question but it's BORING and it's seriously too long and I have no idea what to take out. If anyone is willing to read it, I would appreciate it very much. It's 614 words, and I want to cut it down to around 550 or something so I have enough space to complete the 2nd statement too.</p>
<p>Would anyone be willing to read my first essay and give me feedback on how to improve it and shorten it a little? Thanks!!</p>
<p>UCLA is a match. But, since you're a UC student (priority is given to CCC students) and secondly a psychology major (impacted at UCB) your chances at UCB are a bit low.</p>
<p>I'll glance over your essay if you want --personal statements are looked at closely at UCB and UCLA, and in your case the essays may be the deciding factor; try to refine them as much as possible before applying, and take advantage of the writing lab if you can.</p>
<h2>Thanks, I'm glad to know I have a chance at UCLA...I realllllyyy want to go there =) And thanks for offering to look over my essay, I'll just post it here:</h2>
<p>I intend to continue to pursue a psychology major as I am doing at UC Irvine, and my ultimate goal is to become a lawyer.
Psychology has been a consistent interest of mine since I began high school and I have taken advantage of several opportunities in order to further my understanding of the subject. When I was still uncertain of which specific career path I wanted to follow, I tried to gain experience that would enable me to decide. For example, after the eleventh grade, I volunteered at a Cisco Systems daycare, where I worked with many two- to five-year old children daily. This experience taught me the professional ways to talk to and work with young children. At this point, a child psychologist started to look like a viable career option.
I also volunteered at a non-profit organization called Contact Cares during my sophomore year of high school. Contact Cares is an organization in which trainees answer hotline phone calls from anonymous people to talk to them and try to help them solve their problems. I found their website online and, being interested in human behavior, thought it would be an interesting and new learning experience. Once I joined the training program, which was three hours a week for ten weeks, I learned a lot about how different people react in various situations. I was intrigued by my ability to offer help to people I had never met and amazed at their gratefulness. By December of 2003, I became certified and began answering telephone calls from people who had serious mental illnesses to people who simply wanted someone to talk to. After this volunteer experience, I was fascinated with human thought and behavior and was convinced to pursue this therapist type of work in my professional career.
As I mentioned, psychology has been a passion of mine since the beginning of high school, but not long after, I took courses in psychology and learned about the affects of psychological disorders on criminal behavior. I decided then that I wanted to study and integrate aspects psychology into law. Once I set the goal of becoming a lawyer, I began to participate in activities that would help me develop people and public speaking skills. I joined the Junior State of America (JSA) in high school, in which the members attend conferences and conventions and debate about various controversial topics. Participation in this club and debates at the many conferences I attended introduced me to the basics of debate and public speaking, which I believe are crucial skills for anyone interested in law to acquire. Being involved in JSA also allowed me to gain a better understanding of the fundamental aspects of political relations in the world, which I again believe is very important to an aspiring lawyer such as myself.
After high school, I decided to supplement my experiences with an understanding of how the corporate world functions, so I applied for and was accepted into an internship at Cisco Systems. The basic goal of my job is to play a part in making the Website easier to use and navigate for Ciscos customers based on customers feedback. This position requires me to interact with new people every day, which again helps me develop the important skills that I would need to become a successful lawyer.
My passion and interest for learning and gaining as much experience as I possibly can about psychology and law has driven me to take advantage of these many opportunities presented to me. If accepted to your institution, I will continue to take advantage of this passion and desire to work even harder than I have to achieve my goals.</p>
<p>well i can allot the 1,000 words however i want to, so i want to make it kind of even because my 2nd prompt can't be written in 250 words. It's 485 right now haha. i cut this one down to 559 but it's still like 44 words over...i don't know if that's pushing the limit too much...</p>
<p>psych is also impacted at ucla, i believe. there's a profile of admitted transfer students to ucla that you can find somewhere at ucla.edu. check it out to get some idea of where you stand.</p>
<p>anyway, i have some feedback..
i'll address the problems that i think are most important: your passion for psych and your experience at Cisco Systems. The first problem is over your passion for psych, which i wasn't convinced of. in para. 3, you only mention your "fascination with human thought and behavior" when talking about your experience at Contact Cares. what is it that you find so fascinating? It's thoughts, insights, and observations on the major like this that are going to convince the reader of your passion.</p>
<p>The second problem is that your experience at Cisco Systems isn't directly related to your major, which what the prompt is concerned with. i believe that connecting your major with your chosen career path is something that you should do in this essay. but it should stop there. the prompt asks you to detail any experience related to the field. since psych and law are not in the same field, the second to last paragraph seems out of place. if your experience Cisco Systems can be related to psychology, you should do it. at the moment, that paragraph only seems to repeat what's likely found in the ec's section of the app.</p>