good essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>I just did a practice test from the blue book and this is the essay I wrote. I was wondering if I could get input on how to improve it or what its score should be.</p>

<p>Assignment: What motivates people to change? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>When something is wrong, unjust, or harmful, that thing, whether it be a lifestyle, a decision, or a program, is subject to change. People often want to change or modify something about themselves that they feel insecure about. A small change, such as losing weight, does not require much motivation. Conversely, a major life decision, like giving up one's life, requires a catalyst or motivator. Possibly the strongest influence on such a decision is love, as exemplified by Sydney Carton's love for Lucie Manette in A Tale of Two Cities.</p>

<p>In A Tale of Two Cities, Sydney Carton was introduced as a drunkard with a rather depressing life. As he so quaintly points out in the story, "I care for no one and no one cares for me." This illustrates that his life is devoid of purpose and genuine human love. At this point in the story, he has no desire to change his life.</p>

<p>Later on, he becomes acquainted with Lucie Manette, a woman who loves another man, who, ironically, looks very similar to Sydney. Sydney eventually falls in love with her and even tells her of his feelings. He finally shows her the power of his love by making a change. He gives up his life by putting himself in the place of the man she loves, who was about to be hanged. Thus, his love for Lucie motivated him to change his life by committing a selfless act, something he would have never done before he experienced love.</p>

<p>Finally, one can change his life only if he is motivated by a strong factor, such as love. This motivated Sydney to find purpose in his life and change his depressing lifestyle.</p>

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<p>bump …</p>

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<p>lol i use Sydney Carton ALL THE TIME too. i’ve used it for at least 5 essays now, practice ones of course. Gotta love Sydney…oh Sydney…</p>

<p>ok with my obsessive getting over with, the essay’s pretty good. although you might want to include more than one example. go on and talk about sydney carton but give another example too, from either history or science or whatever. </p>

<p>also did you fill up the two pages? fill up the two pages.</p>

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<p>Lol thanks, Sydney can be used for many different essays…</p>

<p>In the blue book, it shows 2 essays that received 6’s (from 1 scorer) that used only 1 example and fleshed it out for 2 or 3 paragraphs so thats why i only used Sydney. They say they want in depth analysis, not a brief description of many examples. I did 2 different examples on the real SAT and I got a 9…</p>

<p>But yeah, thanks for the advice, and i filled up 1 and a half pages. Is that enough? What score would you give this essay?</p>

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<p>b u m p p u m b</p>

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<p>bump
bump ..</p>

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<p>i got a 12 on my essay. I had 3 examples. I think the key to doing well on the SAT essays unlike AP essays and whatnot is to do a simple/basic 5 paragraph essay with 3 strong supporting examples. I think if your able to, use historical examples. They demand attention and kudos from graders. In essence just show off your knowledge and apply it to the topic. It is better to have quality 1.5 pages than 2. BUt if you can fill up both pages it will be better simply because it will most likely be more thorough</p>

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<p>zfox, if you don’t mind, can I see your essay?</p>

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<p>bump, i could use some input please</p>

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<p>sorry its kinda hard to read. And i know that it isn’t a masterpiece by any standards and there are spelling mistakes.
but here you are</p>

<p>Part-1
<a href=“http://i338.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/albums/n409/zacdfox/essayImageAction-1do.jpg[/url]”>http://i338.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/albums/n409/zacdfox/essayImageAction-1do.jpg&lt;/a&gt;
Part-2
<a href=“http://i338.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/albums/n409/zacdfox/essayImageActiondo.jpg[/url]”>http://i338.■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■/albums/n409/zacdfox/essayImageActiondo.jpg&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>i’d say ur essay is like 8-10. =p because i used 2 examples on mine and i got a 8 =/ but urs is a lil better</p>

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<p>unlucky…I guess the two people who graded my essay felt like it was a 12…only opinion that matters.
haha
and I had 3 examples…</p>

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<p>zfox, thanksf or posting your essay, would you mind posting what the assignment was though?</p>

<p>Ren thanks for the input</p>

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<p>Ooops ya sorry about that. </p>

<p>A society composed of men and women who are not bound by convention–in other words, who do not act according to what others say or do–is far more lively than one in which all people behave alike. When each person’s character is developed individually and differences of opinion are acceptable, it is beneficial to interact with new people because they are not mere replicas of those whom one has already met. Adapted from Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness</p>

<p>ASSIGNMENT: Is it better for a society when people act as individuals rather than copying the ideas and opinions of others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

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<p>zfox, nice essay, although you had some grammatical errors, you wrote A LOT.</p>

<p>How did you write this much?? did you even do any prewriting?</p>

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<p>Well last year i took both AP US History and AP ENglish Language. I got really comfortable with speed writing i guess. For AP US we only had 30 minutes to write our essays so that was really good practice i guess. I didn’t do any prewriting. I just sat there for a minute trying to formulate what examples to use and then i just went to town.
Ya…when i reread it i was just like…woah…haha this is kinda rough in some spots. But i think it kinda shows how they look for structure, ideas, and how you present them over grammar to a certain degree</p>