Good Kid - Mediocre Student - no real idea what he wants to be when he "grows up"

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hello all ? I am excited and hopeful to have found this forum. My oldest is a junior and as we begin the college search I am feeling a little overwhelmed and so is he. He has a 2.6 cumulative GPA and has not yet taken the ACT or SAT. He is bright but a bit lazy and not particularly enthralled with school. He gets A?s in history and C?s in everything else (his grade book entries look something like this - 100, 100, 0, 98, 0 53, 100?.). He plays football and lacrosse and while in sports season is far more on top of things academically than in the winter when he does not have a sport. Being an ?athlete? is a fundamental part of his identity and where his true passion is clearly visible. </p>

<p>As his mother I am not deluded into thinking he has the ability to play at a Division I or II school but he does have skills that might work in D III. I also believe that if he has athletics as a part of his college experience he will do better academically ? I base this on the past three years. And at the core of this is his desire to continue playing. He would like a school that is over 2000 students. He is leaning toward an education major (but that may very well change once he is exposed to the world). He enjoys fine art in addition to sports, volunteers in the local youth leagues as an assistant coach. He is a fairly quiet shy kid. He is not a big ?partier? but that too may change once he is let loose. We live in Colorado and he enjoys mountain sports ? read - snowboarding. </p>

<p>My husband and I are not ?well off? and so we will need help financially but we both feel that pushing him to go to college just to go without participation in sports will be a disaster for him. He has not yet found the intrinsic motivation to apply himself in academics. He needs a school that will support him academically. He has a lot of growing up to do.</p>

<p>All of that said we are searching for schools with athletic programs that he might earn a spot on the team and that will be a match on the admissions criteria. D I is out. D II is unlikely. He needs professors who will support him, if he is a number in a lecture hall I fear he will get lost and struggle. (I know that D III has no athletic scholarships) If we can not find a match for him where he can play his father and I are urging him to seriously consider the Coast Guard then college. He would very much prefer to head straight to college but agrees that athletics are necessary to his success. Club sports are great but the problem with that is the coach or team captain could care less if he is passing so not something that really will give him the added support. </p>

<p>Any school suggestions would be greatly appreciated as well as advice on helping him make this monumental decision.</p>

2

<p>for career goals, my history teacher has a good friend who he told us about, who has a really interesting job. He is a professor, and he teaches classes about kind of like sports culture/history. Like the effects of sports and sports events on our culture, society....the influence of sports throughout history, etc. I thinkt thats a really cool job your son might like. Or Art History. </p>

<p>IDK much about school sports, but I'd say if he likes snowboarding to look at schools in CO or the Northeast. Does he want urban or rural?
If he wants a big school, and good sports teams, maybe state schools would be a good bet?
but you kind of have a conflict, he wants a bigger school, but if he really needs the academic guidance I'd think a smaller school would be better.</p>

3

<p>Yes, tell us about whether he has any geographic preferences. I certainly am aware of kids like him from our hs, although their GPAs tend to be just that bit higher that might make a difference, and might be able to suggest some possibilities once I know if geography is a factor.</p>

<p>You might also expand a bit more on the "will need help financially." Will you qualify for need-based aid and have you already estimated your EFC? I am guessing that the schools which will fit his academic stats will not be the schools which pledge to meet 100% of need, so it is possible you will need to pay your EFC plus the "gap" between Cost of Attendance and any aid they give you. That means out of your savings and/or borrowing by you or your son.</p>

<p>There will be those who will say that, based on what you've said, your S is not ready for college and should wait. But I have seen it go the other way - where kids are ready to rise to the occasion at the right college. So I'd suggest that he apply to schools in the fall and also look to gap year(s) options, such as Coast Guard/Americorps/plain vanilla job. He and you can make the ultimate decision in the spring of his Senior year after more time has passed (a lot of kids really mature between now and then), he has visited schools and considered the gap year options.</p>

4

<p>I don't know that he is ready myself :-) I am torn here because the act of going away to school will certainly have a direct impact on his maturity. He is very capable but his grades suffer from failing or forgetting to turn things in. It makes me crazy. As his parents we feel that without structure and someone ?checking up on him? it could be a very big waste of time and money. I may be selling him short but I try to look at it as realistically as possible. A gap year may be the ticket for him, that will be a part of the ongoing discussions. As his advocate I want to help him identify all of his options but ultimately he will need to make the decisions. I expect he will mature a lot in the next year but a year from now is too late to decide he really wants to go away to XYZ college in the fall of ?08. So all things considered he needs to have some realistic colleges in mind to apply to so that the options are there this time next year. </p>

<p>Geography - We live at 7300 ft. as such he is more of a cold/dry weather kid in general, he would adapt wherever it is. Hot and humid are at the bottom of his list. I personally think he needs to be far enough away that he can not get home for a weekend too easily. As I said he is a quiet shy kid and I want him to spread his wings. (I went to boarding school 1000 miles from home as a HS sophomore so I see him as very immature based on my life experience at his age)</p>

<p>As for financial need - H is a teacher and I am a homemaker - can go with loans but we should qualify for need based aid. Have not yet done the FAFSA forms as school GC said to wait until fall - should I do that now?</p>

<p>We live in a small town in the foothills west of Denver - it is NOT a diverse place. S is a very easy going kid, he thinks now that he would prefer not to be in totally rural setting nor in the middle of a big city but would like to be in a racially, ethnically and religiously diverse place. </p>

<p>Thanks for any help, keep the Q?s coming.</p>

<p>Rebecca</p>

5

<p>A school which is small and pretty nurturing (I am told), has a critical mass of kids in the under 3.0GPA and has the LAX is Roger Williams in Rhode Island. It has non-tackle football. See some more discussion of it here: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=227786&highlight=Roger+Williams%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=227786&highlight=Roger+Williams&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Re the forgetting/failing to turn in things and feeling the need for someone to check up on him/be the concierge/reminder person: So many of our boys - no matter their level of academic achievement - are like this (some of the funnest threads on cc have been us MOS (moms of sons) commisserating about their habits ;) ). <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=31644&highlight=wad+method%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=31644&highlight=wad+method&lt;/a> But sometimes they take more responsibility for these kinds of things when we provide the vacuum of no longer being there to do it. I have watched in a mild sense of wonderment at how much more on top of things my own son has become in college.</p>

6

<p>For what it's worth I had a friend with a similar kid. Esp. the forgetting to hand in homework part! He did get stellar SAT scores. He went off to Colby (his 2nd choice) and liked it very much, but had a pretty checkered freshman year. He ended taking a year off working and is now back at college - at least somewhat more focussed. I think keeping options open sounds good - I'm a big fan of gap years though in my case it probably made me less academic - in a good way.</p>

7

<p>Jmmom - I am praying that the time will come soon when he gets it! My mantra right now is "he's not done yet" not in the sense of completing an assignment but in terms of his personal development. At some point he will figure it out, I have to believe that, and he will do fine. In the mean time I am his ever nagging grumpy mom. </p>

<p>Will check out Roger Williams - TY</p>

<p>R</p>

8

<p>Mom of 3----Oh, how I can relate to you---my #1 son's primary goal was to play a sport in college. He is decent student with good SATs and was able to get into his first choice college ED and will be able to play his sport in college
We allowed him to pursue this for the same reasons you state--his sports keep him focused, busy and they are huge part of his sense of self. I know he too will "get it" at some point and realize at some point he will need a career. I would not be surprised if he staying involved in his sport for many years after college--coaching, whatever...</p>

<p>Roger Williams might be a good place to look--also look at Norwich in Vermont,
Southern New Hamphire College, Southern Maine, a reach school might be St Anselm's in Manchester, NH</p>

9

<p>One more thing--have your son email the coaches at schools he is interested in-even at the D3 level, athletics can be a significant "hook" and help him in the admissions process if the coach is interested in him</p>

<p>When you visit schools, make sure you set up a meeting with the coach</p>

10

<p>Alleghany might be a good match. Good sports teams. Small with personal attention. Good junior year abroad programs. You should email their fin aid department to inquire if it would be affordable. Check out the Fin Aid threads too.</p>

<p>There are a ton of boys with 3.0 GPAs and high SAT scores that do surprisignly well in college admissions because adcom know that the boys are not quite 'done' at 17. It's not just your boy--it's the majority of boys, Mom. When you have a minute, read through some of the thread on Sinner's Alleys. That's where the mothers of boys go to commiserate. Some of the affectionate boy titles include TSFH (The Son From Hell), TSFS (The Son From Space).</p>

<p>In general, his attention and focus and amibiton should take leaps forward in the next two to four years. Those hits of testosterone will boost him up to hieights you never dreamed possible.</p>

<p>Also, in general, athletes are competitive. Eventually, he will get competitive about his future without sports--and when he does, he will apply his desire to win to that goal. Again, he is likely to surprise you.</p>

<p>The 2.6 will hurt him. He should get off his keister to raise that over the next two semesters.</p>

<p>He needs very high SAT scores--over 1400 if possible--to get any merit money from private schools.</p>

<p>Final tip: with all apps--send videos of him playing the two different sports.</p>

11

<p>I actually think a gap year might be a really good option for him. By getting a job, he'll learn responsibility and will have others counting on whether or not he completes things on time.</p>

12

<p>Motherof3, I just sent you an email with some additional suggestions and ideas. There are actually hundreds of possibilities for schools that would consider your son, and consider him seriously.</p>

13

<p>I have a Jr. S who could be the twin of your S Momof3boys, including the football except he says he doesn't want to play in college and has no idea what he wants to do in college so can't really work up any enthusiasm about college. Believe me..you are not alone. He did take the SAT for the first time last Sat. and I'm waiting nervously for the scores to come out next week. We are urging him to keep all his options open and to prepare for going to college. He may end up at a Comm. college to start (or maybe start and finish). It's so hard to gauge these boys. Older S always knew what he wanted and has gone straight down that path so this is frustrating and worrisome for us. </p>

<p>Don't know if he would be interested in coming all the way across the country but one of older S's friends who is this same kind of student and football player has ended up at Emory and Henry College and received merit money for football. E&H is a small school in the mountains of southwestern VA. It is on the list of Colleges That Change Lives.</p>

14

<p>As the mom of a 19-year-old S who was similar to the OP's S in high school, I agree with alamode about the gap year idea.</p>

<p>I don't think it's realistic to think that the right college will somehow jump start a bright kid who doesn't have a clue about what he wants to do, is lazy, and not particularly interested in school.</p>

<p>A well thought out gap year would allow your S to learn more about his interests and career possibilities as well as learn realities of the world -- including what kind of a lifestyle he'd be able to have on the income of a h.s. grad. </p>

<p>My S, who does like community service, is doing his gap year as an Americorps volunteer, living at home and using part of his $200 a week stipend to pay rent and some of the costs of the car that we share. He has a fair amount of responsibility at work: supervising volunteers, running meetings, directing projects. Americorps has sent him to two out of town training opportunities. At his initial one, he went about 1,000 miles away and learned time management, grant writing, financial mangement, and other skills that Americorps trains their staff in. He also went to an Americorps conference.</p>

<p>I've seen him mature a great deal and also become more organized. For instance, the kid who got an "F" one marking period senior year for not showing up on time to his 7:30 a.m. class does a good job of getting to work on time even when he has to be there very early.</p>

<p>He also has a much better idea of what he wants to do with his life in terms of careers and majors.</p>

<p>Incidentally, despite having SAT scores in the 99th percentile and a rigrous curriculum (his choice), he didn't get around to applying to college his senior year. I made sure that we took and sent him to see some colleges, but I didn't structure his time so that he was forced to apply. (I learned not to do this from structuring my older S, another smart/lazy kid who then went off to the college of his choice and flunked out.)</p>

<p>After the colleges' deadlines had passed, S did apply to Americorps without my help. While he had said he wanted to be in Americorps away from home, the only program that he applied to was in our town. He said he wanted to have his own place, but after I showed him the classifieds, he decided that living at home and paying rent was a good deal.</p>

<p>He did apply to colleges this year, and has gotten one acceptance, and an invitation to compete for a $10 k a year scholarship taht collee offers. 70% of students invited to compete for that scholarship get it, according to the college. He's still waiting on hearing from the other college that he applied to.</p>

<p>From what he told me about his experience going to a local college fair last fall, the colleges were impressed by what he was doing on his gap year. I've heard, too, that some admissions officers will give more of a break to boys like ours who take gap years because admissions officers feel that many males need the extra year to mature enough to handle well the responsibilities of college.</p>

<p>For info about Americorps: <a href="http://www.americorps.org/%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.americorps.org/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>BTW, S's unweighted gpa was just about the same as your S's.</p>

15

<p>We were really impressed with Goucher in Baltimore, and since in the past it was a women's college, they actually want boys (I think it's 60/40 women/men now). They have many DIII sports, and there is a very caring feel to the place. They are generous with merit aid, too. It's in Loren Pope's book "Forty Colleges that Change Lives," which I would recommend to you. Good luck, I have a challenging sophomore boy in a similar boat. SO different from his auto-pilot older sister!</p>

16

<p>A good friends has sons who are like yours--excellent athletes but later-blooming students.<br>
She has one at Monmouth in New Jersey and one at Marietta in Ohio--both are very happy and the sports require them to keep their grades on track.</p>

17

<p>I like a lot of cheers' thoughts and suggestions in post #10, but I'm not sure it's relevant to think about merit money for such a kid. I could certainly be wrong. But I have observed that high SAT scores (should he achieve them) combined with lackluster GPA is a tough combination for college admissions - comes across as the underachiever or slacker profile. My step-grandson, with average type GPA (3.0 in a mediocre hs with mediocre curriculum) and matching average SATs (just under 1000/1600) had better admissions results than another kid I know with 2.8ish GPA and above average SATs.</p>

18

<p>I would also seriously consider geography when thinking about schools...it's one thing for him not to be able to come home for a weekend easily, and another to have him 2000 miles away in the northeast, esp. if he's a kid who hasn't traveled much or experienced other places. My Utah-born brother-in-law, an avid skier, just about had a meltdown while living in Connecticut for two years. Apparently the snow is not the same.</p>

19

<p>Wow you are all very insightful. Northmom, I do worry about the flunking out and agree that a gap may be the thing for him. Carolyn, thank you for the email, great info and lots to explore. Cheers, He should get off his keister to raise that over the next two semesters - We are on him like flies on... about that, as is his Lacrosse coach, lacrosse started 3 weeks ago and the grades are slowly rising. Apparently he is the opposite of most student athletes, doing better in season than out of season.</p>

<p>Last semester was a 3.2 and hoping he will do better this semester. Capable but lacks the intrinsic motivation on the academic front - that GPA includes no d's or f's but a lot of c's and I could strangle his teachers who tell him a c is an OK grade, it?s average. I ask/tell him - You would never settle for average on the field of play why do you settle in the classroom? PSAT scores were high so I am hopeful on the test front as well. The light does seem to flicker at times but just does not stay on.</p>

<p>My understanding about sports is that we have got to reach out to at least 50 schools to see if anyone is interested on that front. There are several that are interested but he has no prayer of getting in, I have saved the letters and I think that may be getting his attention. I know he will someday realize that if he had shown the same discipline in the classroom as he does in sports his choices would have included the Ivies. </p>

<p>I understand that many make the mistake of thinking that athletics will get you in and as I am a pragmatist I want to be pointing him in the direction of attainable schools academically and making no assumptions about sports. And yes he is very competitive and I agree that at some point that will be shifted to more marketable interests and will serve him well. His father and I feel strongly that to send him away without sports as a part of the plan will lead to disaster with his current lack of direction and motivation. With a coach looking over his shoulder to make sure he maintains eligibility and his own desire to maintain same he finds the motivation. </p>

<p>Unless he has some major shift in the next few months sports are a mandatory piece of the puzzle if he is going to go straight to college.<br>
That?s a big if.</p>

20

<p>
[quote]
He is very capable but his grades suffer from failing or forgetting to turn things in. It makes me crazy. As his parents we feel that without structure and someone ?checking up on him? it could be a very big waste of time and money

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Mo3 - I feel for you. I've got 3 ADD kids, and I feel like I'm managing a department of leaking brains sometimes. Very good brains, but they leak out important important information from time to time.</p>

<p>My younger stepbrother was a chronic underachiever in HS. He was a sleep till noon pot smoking slacker all weekend, and we never thought he would do much. Then, on his own, he applied to an ROTC program way out west at U of Oregon. We were shocked that they would let him fire a gun, but the structure was amazingly good for him. He went on to earn great grades, and after college spent several years as an aviator with the Marines. He received a job offer as a pilot for United right after he left service, and has been with them for several years. Loves his job, has a wife and baby, and is doing so well. While it's not for everyone, sometimes a structured environment like ROTC can really turn an underachiever around. </p>

<p>I might add that at family functions, he is the only guy in the kitchen, offering to wash dishes and clean up. And this was not the case in HS!</p>

<p>Best of luck with your son. I agree that sports and physical activity is the best thing for focus.</p>