<p>friend's kid got in and is not going. we are shocked. they are a very down to earth family that is middle class and do not feel like they would fit in. felt kid would end up being unhappy without all the trappings the other yale kids have. </p>
<p>do others choose to not go for fear of not fitting in?</p>
<p>Oh my goodness: please tell your friend that Y is VERY welcoming of kids of many, many backgrounds. A full half of us were on financial aid (because we NEEDED it). Yale has spent MANY resources attracting the best and brightest -- even outside the mainstream sources of feeder schools. That means today, there are more rural, international and urban kids attending than at any point in Y's history. I'm the child of immigrant restaurant workers, grew up in a large urban school district, went to Y and loved it. I never felt out of place. Never felt excluded. Many friends from all stratas of society. Now that may be my personality -- I don't feel awkward much at all. But Y is very welcoming. Sure there were ultra rich kids but they were as only as different as I allowed them to be. No diff btn them and a kid from a country that I hadn't been to.</p>
<p>You should really encourage the family to have their kid SPEAK to some current undergraduates. Due to Y's stature and wealth, they are MORE egalitarian than some other top tier schools. They don't NEED wealthy kids at all. They just bring together the best entering class w/o regard to the pedigree of the kids.</p>
<p>Trappings? I had a small TV and a few lamps. LOL No trust fund for this guy!</p>
<p>I echo everything above. The kid should go to Bulldog Days in April and see for her/himself what Yale is like.</p>
<p>Yalies are a down-to-earth bunch. The adage is true: everyone's broke in college.</p>
<p>I would echo what T26E4 says. It would be a real shame if your friend's child was to turn down Yale solely because of that perception.</p>
<p>There truly are people from all different backgrounds here, and, with a few exceptions, everyone mixes pretty well together. I'm certainly not denying that there are some fabulously rich people here, and some of those people probably do conform to every stereotype your friend's child has, but there are more than enough people who are not from the upper classes, and more than enough upper class people who are cool enough not to flaunt their parents' wealth, that there is no reason for your friend's child to imagine that they will inevitably be friendless and excluded on those grounds. </p>
<p>Really, money here is as big an issue as you make it. If you want to upset yourself about the unfairness of some people taking off to ski in Europe every vacation, then there is ample opportunity, because you will almost certainly meet some people who do just that. In the same way, there are some people who like everyone to know just how rich they are, and who prefer to associate with people they went to prep school with. But neither of these groups are the norm, and I don't think either get the most from the experiences Yale has to offer.</p>
<p>The residential college system if a great leveller - money doesn't get you a better college, room, food, etc, and there are pretty limited opportunities for the ostentatious display of wealth in a shared dorm room! </p>
<p>Like T26E4, I'd really recommend that your friend's child talk to some current undergraduates. From the outside, Yale can appear to be very priviledged, because it has such fantastic facilities and such a grand setting. I know when I visited I saw all the fancy pianos, libraries, art collections, etc, etc, etc, and thought that it seemed so far from my experience that I could never fit in (I am a low-income immigrant from an urban public school). But now, to the extent that I notice them at all (and I'm embarrassed to say I probably don't notice them as much as I should) I just feel glad that I didn't pass up the opportunity to have this experience because I was scared.</p>
<p>he is a good kid and would be a wonderful addition to yale and it saddens me that he isn't going. my husband and i really tried to get them to change them minds but i think they feel like fish out of water. and since it is their decision, we did not push further. maybe yale should reach out to kids with mailings or emails or calls that don't fit in the box and encourage the kids to give it a chance. the commuting home for breaks alone is very costly and these things weighed on their decision. and i think that they felt like they make too much for fa but not enough for tuition.</p>
<p>They may be telling you that it's because he "won't fit in", but the issue may very well be financial and they just don't want to discuss it. Don't forget that what we tell others not in our most intimate circle, and the full truth, may not be the same thing.</p>
<p>Even if it is the truth, we all know that "fit" is important. Why is it so hard to believe that Yale is not for everyone?</p>
<p>"...i think they feel like fish out of water...and i think that they felt like they make too much for fa but not enough for tuition."</p>
<p>Why did the kid apply if s/he didn't think s/he'd feel comfortable there or if his/her parents are uncomfortable with the cost?</p>
<p>I hope this kid is visiting the admitted student website. My D is on fairly often, and is finding a really diverse community there. Most kids are friendly, funny, grateful for the opportunity and eager to meet each other. They are talking about ideas, interests, favorite music, and so on. No one has mentioned their car or the size of their house. Smart kids know they didn't earn or particularly deserve that stuff anyway, if they do happen to have it. Bulldog Days would be such a perfect time to figure out if this is the right decision.</p>
<p>Any reasonable advice probably requires knowledge of the student's other college choices. For example, if the student is turning down Yale for community college, then more discussion is warranted, but if the student declines Yale for another Ivy caliber school, then it may just be a matter of fit.</p>
<p>Freshman year, a young lady from rural Texas dropped out in mid September. Went home. For some reason (only known to her) Y was too much for her. I didn't think less of her. Just wondered why and felt kinda bad for her. </p>
<p>Is Y for everyone? I doubt it. Those of us who are chiming in are doing so b/c we love what Y was for us and don't want myths to endure. As long as the student is deciding on reality versus some media-blown image of what Yale is like, that's fine. After all, ANOTHER wonderful and deserving kid will take the spot for sure.</p>
<p>I think your parent's income is less apparent at Yale than at a lot of schools. The vast, vast majority of kids don't have cars, so that social indicator is out of the picture. Most people live on campus all four years, so that social indicator is gone. Everyone dresses like a college student (although, yes, some girls have more expensive purses and jeans and more shoes)--this is not a campus where people dress to impress. Yes, some people take better vacations and some people eat out more despite the meal plan that comes with living in a residential college, but Yale is the most socially open place I've ever been. I think social strata could easily be much more pronounced/easily identifieable at a state U. I get EXTREMELY frustrated by the popular conception that Yalies are a bunch of snobby, upper crust, spoiled brats. GRRR. Very sad that this family won't educate itself, although I agree with others that you might not be getting the real reason.</p>
<p>Hm I got into Yale by early approval but I don't know if I'd want to go. I'm more of a math/science/engineering person. I put my intended major as mathematics but will probably do EE. Will I fit in at Yale?</p>
<p>i had a friend that got into harvard...and end up going to a state school...i must say...a state school where if you get a 21 on the ACT, you will get in....</p>
<p>Plenty of math/science/engineering people. Can't imagine how it would impair your ability to fit in.</p>
<p>Sounds like what he needs to visit the school itself. I'm sure it can be overwhelming not just to leave home for college but for one of the most prestigious colleges around filled with rich kids and geniuses but I've heard from many people that the environment is quite lax.</p>
<p>I think he may assume that it will be a class war like it ccan be at some colleges where all the rich kids out of the OC ostricize the poor ones but thats a cliche, not fact.</p>
<p>Bottom line; think twice before rejecting such a wonderful opportunity. Once its gone, its gone.</p>
<p>I agree with AdmissionsAddict on the above posts.</p>
<p>" maybe yale should reach out to kids with mailings or emails or calls that don't fit in the box and encourage the kids to give it a chance."</p>
<p>Yale does reach out. They have a student ambassador program where they send current students to public schools in urban and rural areas to promote the school. This program as well as their generous financial aid are a deliberate attempt to reach out to students who might not otherwise apply to school there. My daughter is a student ambassador for the program and often keeps in touch with kids she has met on visits. Also, when my son applied to Yale, he got all kinds of e-mails from students who work for Admissions who made themselves available to answer questions, chat, etc. I'm not sure where your friend lives but in my city they had events to welcome all the newly admitted students and made a concerted effort to put them at ease. I'm not one of those people who will say that Yale or any other school is perfect for everyone, but I will say that I think the kids there are about the most supportive, friendly group of students to be found anywhere. Also, in the freshman housing system, they try to match the kids so that each suite is like a microcosm of the student body. In my daughter's freshman suite of six, there was one wealthy girl from another country, at least three girls on partial or full financial aid, at least three or four of the girls were from public schools in urban areas. They got along great. There may be reasons for someone not to go to Yale, but it's a shame to turn it down for fear of feeling out of place.</p>
<p>I can take his spot if he does not want it =]</p>
<p>...I am always willign to make sacrafices to ensure the hapiness of others</p>
<p>lol. Yale is wonderful, that is coming from someone who once never even considered applying to Yale. The admission office is wonderful and the students truly friendly and helpful. If you visit college, I can almost promise that you will make wonderful life-long friends and find your own niche in the vast extra-curricular activities available. I really do doubt that it is simply the reason that the kid fears "he won't fit in" thing. Probably someone beyond financials too since Yale is very generous like Harvard and Princeton. Oh well. Best of luck to him. :)</p>