Grade a SAT essay!! :)

<p>Hi everyone :), well I just took the essay portion of the online psat and got a 8 out of 12. Yah, I know it's pretty low but they get a machine to grade it so you know. Can't trust it.. :P</p>

<p>Can someone please grade mine? Its out of 12, one being lowest. THANK YOU!! :D</p>

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<p>Essay Prompt
Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. People think that to hide one’s thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.
Adapted from J. David Velleman, "The Genesis of Shame"</p>

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<p>Assignment
Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

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<p>So here's my essay!!</p>

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<p>In modern American culture, nothing is kept private. Almost everything is posted through Facebook, Twitter and other social platforms. Many teenagers treat their Facebook as a place where they share their inner thoughts, emotions and activities. This is one of the many downsides of a modern social network where nothing is kept private and everything is shared. In my opinion, people should in fact make more of an effort to keep things private.</p>

<p>In the past, before the modern days of the internet, people, especially teenagers, would tend to not share their personal lives with anyone they barely knew. They would keep their problems and issues in between friends and family and and would want to feel a sense of privacy and security. But now, in the age of the internet, people post private pictures and thoughts with all of their internet "friends", these friends could be anyone from family to someone that the user had met at a party and decided to keep in touch with.</p>

<p>One of the easiest ways to get harassed in the twenty first century is by having someone who dislikes you, read all about you and make fun of you because of your "personal" feelings and thoughts. The private bubble or wall that mostly everyone had and felt ten years ago is for the most part gone and people can take advantage of others because of it.</p>

<p>In a world where people tend to keep more things private, people would be more enclosed and secure and wouldn't have to worry about how other people might think about them, especially if none of their personal thoughts and feelings are on the internet for almost everyone they know and don't know to view. People's lives would also be simpler, knowing that they are not being judged by everything they say, think or do on the internet. </p>

<p>People for the most part, are hooked online because of countless rumors being spread about the people who aren't. For example, one of these rumors is that people who do not own a Facebook are more likely to be a psychopath than someone who does not own one. This is one of the many pressures people have to be connected online and this is why I think that people should make more of an effort to keep things online.</p>

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<p>Thank you guys!</p>

<p>btw, *Grade an SAT essay!! :)
sorry, it's late here in California :p</p>

<p>btw… also my bad, please grade 2-12! :)</p>

<p>Generally the writing (grammar, choice of words, and flow) is good.</p>

<p>The argument is mostly cohesive although a slight bit repetitive. A concrete example would help to strengthen the essay. Try to find an example that perhaps goes beyond social media.</p>

<p>The conclusion is weak. Reread it … and immediately afterwords read the thesis. It’s mostly not relevant to the thesis. Try a simpler conclusion and make sure that it ties to the thesis and not to the evils of social media.</p>

<p>Grade? Most likely in the 8-9 range.</p>

<p>Yaah, you’re right. I wrote that last paragraph in under a minute just to wrap things up. Thanks for the review!!! :D</p>

<p>anyone else? :)</p>

<p>4/6…</p>

<p>care to clarify why? :)</p>

<p>You don’t have a conclusion, or even a thesis statement for that matter.</p>

<p>Thesis: “people should in fact make more of an effort to keep things private.”</p>

<p>Conclusion: yahh, you’re right. Thanks for pointing that out. There’s just so much you could write in 25 minutes :p. So would you consider a good conclusion to end with something along the lines of, and this is why people should make more of an effort to keep things private?</p>

<p>7-8//12 for vagueness.</p>

<p>Thesis: “people should in fact make more of an effort to keep things private.”</p>

<p>This is NOT a thesis. A thesis would be</p>

<p>“People should make more of an effort to keep things private BECAUSE [insert reason here]”</p>

<p>Ow okay, so it’s supposed to lead to an explanation. So I should have put that in the begging of my intro? If so then I get it now. I’m at least glad that this wasn’t my SAT but my online PSAT. haha. Thank you for your corrections Johnb45!! they’re really helpful!!</p>

<p>No problem! When you make a claim, you have to say why. Saying “we should ban TV” is not sufficient if you want a good grade. It must be “we should ban TV because it has destroyed the traditional American family structure”</p>