Grade/Criticize my SAT Essay?

Thank you in advance!

Prompt:

Knowledge is power. In agriculture, medicine, and industry, for example, knowledge has liberated us from hunger, disease, and tedious labor. Today, however, our knowledge has become so powerful that it is beyond our control. We know how to do many things, but we do not know where, when, or even whether this know-how should be used.

Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience or observations.

Essay:

Knowledge is power. It allows us to do the previously “impossible” and create the once “imaginary”. However, with power comes responsibility. While knowledge is a benefit to those who wield it, it can also be a burden because it is a weapon of potentially unlimited power.

Edward Snowden demonstrated that knowledge is both useful and dangerous. Outcry against the NSA spying scandal has been both widespread and sentimental, but there are arguments for either side of the story. With the possession of American’s personal and private information, the government serves their people with the purpose of keeping them safe. However, while the benefit of this knowledge is evident, the burden of it may be even more so. With omniscience comes omnipotence. There is no guarantee that the US government is not abusing their useful yet burdensome knowledge. There is no certainty that the private information of millions of Americans is being put to good use. As knowledge grants power, power warrants responsibility. Unfortunately, we can never be sure whether knowledge is being utilized transparently, effectively, or morally.

It can be burdensome to keep secrets. Knowledge has the ability to enlighten, but it also has the ability to wreak havoc. Sometimes the truth is best kept out of the mind of an individual. For example, my great-grandfather worked as a spy for the government. He didn’t dare tell his family or friends. Had he done so, it is likely there lives would have been threatened. My great-grandfather had to live with the burden of knowledge. The power of the truth was too great to be known by those who loved him. He was forced to live in a facade, committing acts of espionage abroad and returning home to another life of perfidy. On his deathbed his surreptitious stoicism finally broke down, and he revealed the knowledge he had protected for so long. Burdened his entire life, my great-grandfather finally could die in peace.

With knowledge comes power, and with power comes responsibility. Knowledge is essential to all action and creation. Those who wield it have the power to benefit themselves and the world. Yet, knowledge can be burdensome. Secrets can be essential yet painstaking to keep. Knowledge can bestow power upon those who possess it, but it can corrupt them as well. In short, knowledge is both a benefit and a burden.