Grade/Give me Constructive Criticism please?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>PROMPT: What is your view of the claim that the opinion of the majority is not always right?</p>

<p>Generally one would believe that a majority’s opinion would outweigh that of a small body of people or individual, but that does not always appear to be the case. In several instances a single person or small group has been able to prove the majority’s opinion as faulty or wrong. Such cases are: Einstein and his development of the Theory of Relativity, Steve Jobs and his battle to keep Apple alive, and the Wright brothers and their invention of the first functional airplane.
During Einstein’s era, very few believed obstreperous claims of whether rest and motion are relative, or that particles are in motion due to gravity. Therefore the majority’s opinion outweighed Einstein’s theory and claimed it as faulty. However, after Einstein had passed away, scientists began to test Einstein’s theory. After several decades of controversy and testing, Einstein’s theory was deemed as scientifically correct.
In addition to Einstein, Steven Jobs also held odds against the majority’s opinion. Job’s Apple had lost essentially all public and consumer interest in the year of 1995 and appeared to be dead. The public thought that Apple would soon be closing it’s doors and Jobs would have a dearth of monetary value; However, with arduous effort and creativity Jobs rejuvinated Apple and made it a fierce competitor in the technology industry.
Along with Einstein and Jobs, the Wright brothers accomplished a feat that defied the majority’s expectations. During the Wright brother era, many tried to create a working, fully functional airplane, but no one was able to succeed fully until the Wright brothers stepped up to the plate. Towards the beginning, no one though that two brothers from Ohio with no knowledge following high school were going to succeed in creating something that so many people failed doing. Consequently, the Wright brothers defied these odds and left the majority of non-believers flabbergasted.
In any case, the majority’s opinion does not always serve as an indicator of what’s “right” or “wrong.” Einstein, Jobs, and the Wright brothers, indeed challenged and defied the majority’s opinion. Therefore these men averted the majority’s opinion and left people in disbelief. </p>

<p>Thanks in advance!
-Haphazard</p>

2

<p>In general, this is a very solid essay, maybe around a 10 or 11. You do a very good job of demonstrating how your thesis is true. Also, you develop the supporting paragraphs well. The advanced vocabulary is fairly well incorporated, though you may want to use a little less.</p>

<p>However, I feel that you should state your thesis more clearly. Initially, it is somewhat unclear which side you are taking. Be sure to be very clear and concise about this. Another thing you may consider doing is to use a variety of types of examples; instead of solely historical examples, try literary or contemporary ones. In the last paragraph, you say “in any case.” The “any” is too strong; keep it a bit more subtle.</p>

<p>All in all, a good essay, with some room for improvement. Just out of curiosity, how long is it hand-written? It seems a bit short, though you may just have big handwriting. Be sure to fill up both pages.</p>

3

<p>Thank you very much! It’s about, I’d estimate, a page and 1/4 long. Would you recommend I do anything else that can improve my writing in the future? I feel as if I’m missing a few things. I’ll try on thesis, but any other words of advice?</p>

4

<p>Add some semicolons, colons, or parenthesis. These things help improve the appearance of your essay, but don’t over do it. Since your essay is a bit short, go ahead and explain more indepth about the examples. Other than that, I think you’re fine. Just be sure to fill up both pages.</p>

5

<p>Alright. I’m just worried that I’ll go on prattling about non-coherent things. So do you think if my thesis was a bit stronger this would’ve been a 12?</p>

6

<p>It’s hard to say for sure what would give a twelve, since it’s graded by humans. But if you have a longer essay, a clearer thesis, and perhaps more detail, you’ll have a good chance of scoring an 11/12.</p>

<p>However, I’m just one person. Wait and see what other people think of this essay.</p>

7

<p>I think your essay is great :D. I can’t find anything wrong with it in particular. I do agree with cheerios that maybe you should expand on your examples a bit more. </p>

<p>I hate to plug myself here, but if you want to read an over-the-top kind of essay that I typed without any kind of time restrictions just for kicks and maybe some inspiration, here it is: </p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/13714868-post200.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/13714868-post200.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

8

<p>Thanks IceQube. The Essay is amazing</p>

9

<p>Also, just wondering, does active voice usage over passive voice make the essay stand out/score higher?</p>

10

<p>Just something that bothered me: Majoritys is actually written “majority’s,” or of the majority/ belonging to the majority since the apostrophe-s shows possession.</p>

<p>:)</p>