<p>The prompt asked: "can success cause disaster?" or something along those lines.</p>
<p>In todays quickening day and age, many find themselves competing against the next. Ego's are build up with success and damaged with failure. All too often even the most minor accomplishments build up a falsely deserved sense of worth and cockiness. Indeed, not only can the success of one individual hurt him or herself, it can inevitably impact the next.</p>
<p>The successes that are common among growing high schoolers create, in many cases (but not all) a sense of entitlement. For example, I myself have witnessed a series of successes only to be followed by a failure that deeply affected my brother. My older sibling was an accomplished high school student with a fantastic GPA and superior SAT scores to boot, and a plethora of awards backed his accomplishments further. He began to grow cocky regarding college admissions, confidently stating that he "will get into Harvard, Caltech," and the like. Despite my parent's warnings and pleas to not expect much, my brother kept up a facade of self worth that was a result of the successes he had achieved through high school. When the long anticipated decision letters were released to the hopeful students, my brother was dismayed to find he had been rejected to all his reach schools. He had only applied to a safety. His self-esteem was consequentially damaged and he fell into a state of depression. Surely success has strong capabilities of causing disaster and a state of morose.</p>
<p>Not only can the personal self be affected, other's can as well. The success of one likely means the failure of another. For many cases, the ego is damaged and self esteem along with it. Even if the ego were not damaged, an opportunity gained by one is an opportunity lost by another. This is common in today's ultra-competitive job market. As globalization and a growing population takes away more jobs, many find themselves forced to compete with others. The success of one applicant means the rest have to be denied. The success of the individual is outweighed by the failure of the many who didn't get the job and needed it to survive. Thought it was to no fault of the successful applicant that the others weren't as successful, the others will likely face consequences that threaten their healthy being. Indeed, it is to no surprise that many find themselves at a loss when another succeeds.</p>
<p>Those who doubt the great possibility of disaster following success have likely never achieved a success of such high stature or have waited long enough to see all the implications. Surely, as society picks up speed, competition will increase. With that, there are more opportunities for success, but simultaneously more chances for failure and disaster.</p>
<p>Could anyone grade my essay (out of 12) and give me feedback on what I can do to improve? I'm shooting for at least a 2200 on Saturday. Thank you!</p>
<p>Beware! Long, whiney post ahoy!</p>
<p>Let’s begin by analyzing the language/style errors in this essay. First, never, ever use jargon you see on the internet in an SAT essay. Words like “reach schools” and “safety schools” are found only on this website; the average person has no idea what those words mean (although their meanings are obvious in the context provided). Second, avoid colloquial language. “High schoolers” is not a word you’ll find in any dictionary(excluding the Urban Dictionary), so don’t use it. Third, learn how to use apostrophes. This link has all the info you’ll need: [Apostrophes</a> | Punctuation Rules](<a href=“http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/apostro.asp]Apostrophes”>Apostrophes | Apostrophe Rules). Fourth, learn how to use correlatives properly. This link will enlighten you: [Correlative</a> Conjunctions](<a href=“http://grammar.yourdictionary.com/parts-of-speech/conjunctions/correlative-conjunctions.html]Correlative”>Correlative Conjunctions | YourDictionary). Fifth, don’t use big words if you don’t know how to use them. For example, the phrase “a state of morose” should be " a state of moroseness". “Morose” is an adjective, not a noun, so you can’t use it after a preposition in such a manner. Sixth, cut back on the clich</p>
<p>Thanks for the post Cardgames! It was very helpful in helping me see the mistakes I
made. I’ll definitely try to focus on not making such stupid errors in my writing. </p>
<p>However, I have to question your statement about my essay being “not what the SAT wants” - I’m positive you can include personal experiences.The prompt itself states “Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences, or observations”. Besides, I only used one personal anecdote; the other example was an observation of the job market. Also, that last paragraph was a conclusion. Additionally, I completely filled the two pages provided to me in the test book, I’m not sure it’s necessary for me to write a longer essay. </p>
<p>Thanks again for the incredibly detailed post Cardgames. I’ll definitely focus on improving my language mechanics in the future.</p>
<p>Anyone else?</p>
<p>Ooops, I didn’t see the conclusion. I must have forgotten to copy it when I moved your essay to Microsoft Word. Sorry, my bad. Yeah, you can use personal examples, but believe me, for some reason, examples from literature get higher marks. I took the SAT three times, and I scored significantly higher when I used non-personal examples, even though my language skills never changed. Anyway, do what you want, but if I were you, I’d stick with the tested formula.</p>
<p>Edit: I’d change the grade from 5 to 6 or 7.</p>
<p>You have a week until the SAT.</p>
<p>If you want a 10 or more, you need to research examples and read academichacker’s guide.</p>
<p>I swear this is the most efficient way of improving in less than 5 days. I did it for the last SAT and now I’m shooting for a 12. Go to sparkntoes and read book summaries of books you’ve recently read.</p>
<p>And I agree with almost everything Cardgames has said.</p>
<p>@johnnyzxz what kind of examples should we look up for the essay? because when i start my essay i have no clue what to talk about because i cant think of any examples.</p>