Grade my essay about knowledge please?

<p>“Knowledge is power. In agriculture, medicine and industry, for example, knowledge has liberated us from hunger, disease, ad tedious labour. Today, however, our knowledge has become so powerful that it is beyond our control. We know how to do many things, but we do not know where, when, or even whether this know-how should be used.”</p>

<p>Assignment: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?</p>

<p>We often hear the saying ‘knowledge is power’. We improve our quality of lives through the application of knowledge. It is true that sometimes knowledge comes with burden – we may not know how to apply it appropriately or make choices resulted from our use of knowledge. However, the resulted benefits from the use of knowledge can outweigh the associated burden or drawbacks as long as we can make good use of our knowledge to improve our lives.</p>

<p>One example is the advancement of technology. Since the industrial revolution, many new technologies have been developed such as vehicles, generation of electricity, Internet, and so on. We enjoy higher quality of lives as a result of those new advancements: we can travel to different places, communicate with friends from the other side of the Earth, engage in activities that were once impossible to do like sky diving and cure diseases that were fetal decades ago. </p>

<p>These advancements, which are the culmination of humans’ knowledge carry their own drawbacks. We need to consider Global Warming and energy crisis in order to develop sustainably; we need to use antibodies carefully so as to prevent the outburst of antibiotic-resistant bacteria. These burdens which trouble people a lot do not exist in the past when we were not so knowledgeable. But compared to centuries ago when these technologies were just people’s dreams, we enjoy more diversified lifestyles. The extra burdens on people are considered to be worthy provided that we plan beforehand to deal with the potential drawbacks of technologies.</p>

<p>We can also consider a hypothetical situation in The Giver. In the world described in the book, people live peacefully with all the decisions already made for them. They do not have to worry about their future lives, but they have no knowledge of many experiences like being happy or sad, being healthy or sick, peace or war. They have no burden, but they cannot enjoy the ups and downs in their lives. Even the protagonist Jonas finds live to be more meaningful when people have the knowledge and experience. This illustrates the emptiness of live if we have no knowledge.</p>

<p>Every coin has two sides. Knowledge may pose burdens of people, but it also brings them many benefits. It is people’s choice to apply knowledge for their own good and enjoy better lives.</p>

<p>Any language errors? Is the content relevant? How can I improve it? What grade does it deserve? </p>

<p>thanks for reading</p>

<p>I’m not really in a position to grade or critique an essay, but I will say that your thesis should be your starting sentence (not my rule, just a general rule). You should try to get straight to the point in the intro and not lolly gaggle around your main idea.</p>

<p>They want a “yes” answer here.</p>

<p>Any language errors? There are no major punctuation or usage problems that lower your score, if that’s what you mean.</p>

<p>Is the content relevant? Your content is basically relevant to the prompt, but you aren’t telling me much that I didn’t already know.</p>

<p>How can I improve it? Improving at writing requires at least several weeks of focused study. </p>

<p>As for a score…</p>

<p>ESSAY STRUCTURE: 4
VOCABULARY: 3
SYNTAX: 3
USAGE: 5</p>

<p>So for this particular essay, how can I improve it using the same content?
If I want to get a higher SAT score for this particular essay, which aspects do I need to work on?</p>

<p>So for this particular essay, how can I improve it using the same content?
If I want to get a higher SAT score for this particular essay, which aspects do I need to work on?
</p>

<p>You cannot improve this essay substantially without changing its content.</p>

<p>Please don’t misunderstand; it’s not terrible.</p>

<p>With your permission (and only with your permission) I will PM you with a couple more concrete suggestions.</p>

<p>PS: The biggest problem is that I cannot identify the actual answer to the essay question.</p>