Grade my essay and I'd love to grade back :)

<p>Do rules and limitations contribute to a person's happiness?</p>

<p>Rules and limitation does not contribute to a person's happiness, but instead contribute to increase antipathy. Fictional novels depict a life of horror when one is limited. History teaches us about radicals trying to break free from societal constraints. Several examples that demonstrate this belief can be found in both fiction and history. </p>

<p>To start off, in the novel 1984, main character Winston Smith is living under a dictatorship, meaning all rules, no freedom. The government, Big Brother, has a constant watch on all of its citizens from the food they eat to their favorite pastimes. Throughout the book, Winston is shown as a grumpy man. He hates it. He hates how he can't do anything he wants. He hates how he can't fall in love with his crush,, Julia. However the minute he was in the countryside, free of cameras, secret spies, and taunting children, Winston Smith finally feels free and his opportunities seemed endless. Therefore, rules and limitations make people, like WInston, extremely apathetic about life.</p>

<p>Another example can be found in the Women's Rights Movement, taking place during the Progressive Era. A hundred years ago, women had essentially no rights. They could not run a government, a house, or even their family. Because of the radical changes happening throughout the United States, a group of women came together in New YOrk to hold their first Women Convention, in hopes of gaining the rights promised to them by the Bill of RIghts. These women were mad that they were in constant servility to the male of the family. They had just the same amount of strength, ability, and morale as any man had in the world. These limitations definitely were not enjoyed by independence women of the Progressive Era/ Early 1990s. They detested it. As a result, women for over 50 years worked constantly to break that limiting barrier. </p>

<p>The last example can be found in another movement that was trying to gain civil rights. The Civil Rights Movement was a reaction to all the rules America placed on people of a "colored" race. The Jim Crow Laws was a series of rules that dictate how, what, and where blacks can eat, sit, sleep. This maddened so many people, such as Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King jr. To stand up on such limiting facts, MLK and Rosa Parks each did something heroic to live freely. MLK said his famous "I have a Dream" speech, describing the idyllic society with no rules and limitations. Rosa Parks sat in a "forbidden" area, showing the world how insane the limitations of racism are. BEcause of these two people and countless others, Americans can now live in a free, equal country that does not limit anyone. </p>

<p>Living in freedom is basically living in happiness. We pick our own paths in life. We choose what we want to do. Limitations does the opposite. Limitations cause unhappy people to revolt, to escape, to challenge authority. As demonstrated through major historical events and literature, restraints create unhappy people</p>

<p>8-9/12 because there were a few grammar mistakes but I guess the extensive vocabulary makes up for it.</p>

<p>An obvious mistake was:</p>

<p>Rules and limitations DO. It should be plural. Its not good to start your essay with a mistake like that.</p>

<p>Overall, its good but not great. You sometimes have some pretty short sentences that aren’t really relevant or could be combined with others. Also try to relate the examples back to the main point.</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

<p>And I want to say thanks for all the grading you’ve done for me! It really means a lot and I appreciate all the help you’ve given me. </p>

<p>I was wondering, if I connect my examples with the question better, would I get a higher score (with all of my grammar mistakes)?</p>

<p>Haha no problem. </p>

<p>And yes it will help because what you trying to do is to use examples to help explain your argument. </p>

<p>Just explaining the example without relating back to the topic will make your essay less effective. You don’t have write much. A sentence will do.</p>

<p>Can you give me some examples? I always try to relate back to the prompt… But I guess I never do it as effectively</p>

<p>Kimmie,</p>

<p>To relate back to the prompt better, I’d suggest adding these three phrases/sentences to the ends of your three body paragraphs:</p>

<p>…and, therefore, do not contribute to happiness.</p>

<p>…, in order to improve their chances for a content life.</p>

<p>Thus, restrictions due to race will not hinder peoples’ happiness any longer.</p>

<p>When you are concluding a paragraph, think about how you could tie it back to the prompt. Doing this “tieing back” helps the grader to see that you are keeping on task.</p>

<p>You also do have several grammar errors with plurals, and your sentences are quite short in some places. There is nothing wrong with some short sentences, but strings of them (like in the concluding paragraph) usually do not indicate advanced writing. You also have an idiom error in this part, “To stand up on such limiting facts…”. The “on” should be a “to”.</p>

<p>I applaud your dedicated efforts to improve your writing.</p>

<p>Best wishes!</p>

<p>Thanks!! I’ll try again tonight.</p>

<p>I’m so scared, since I have the SAT this saturday!!</p>