grade my essay? any improvements?

<p>Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?</p>

<p>It is always necessary for people to question authority when it is considered unjust. Many authority figures take advantage of their power, which leads to corruptions. It is the people’s responsibility as a whole to question what they consider unjust to get their community closer to harmony. Without the questioning of authority the world wouldn’t be the place it would be today.</p>

<p>Southern Christian Academy class of 1985 faced an unjust situation when their schools principal decided to cancel their class prom. While the school principal thought it was necessary to cancel their senior prom due to a small group of teens who decided to bring alcohol to the event, students contradicted saying they shouldn’t be punished for a crime they did not commit. With the help of parents and government officials alike, the school principal was removed from her current position for taking a presumptuous course of action. Without the questioning of the principal’s authority, the students would have let the school principle continue to take advantage of her authority and future students would have faced the consequences </p>

<p>Before women had the right to vote, women’s judgment was considered incompetent. Until a group of women decided that the law that prohibited them from voting was immoral. In time they formed the Women Suffrage Association. The Women Suffrage Association questioned as well as fought for equal rights among men and women. It lead to many unjust laws being changed, thus giving women equal rights. </p>

<p>Martin Luther King Jr. was an African American man who tenaciously fought for his people rights. King was incarcerated multiple times for questioning and defying the laws of his society. King as well as many African Americans thought it was unjust to not be able to be treated equally among their society. King in turn changed everything after presenting his speech, “I have a dream” in front of thousands of people in Washington D.C. This speech alone changed how the prejudice thought about African Americans. </p>

<p>All these examples show how questioning authority can have a big impact among the society. It is ludacris not to question an unjust situation.Without the actions of the students, women, and Martin Luther King the authority that controlled them would have taken a course of action that would lead a society to a downward spiral.Because we live in a flawed society, it is crucial to question what people consider unjust and presumptuous.</p>

<p>oh yeah and here is my first essay</p>

<p>Assignment:
Can the daily actions of average people have a significant impact on the course of history?</p>

<p>Here is my essay:
Every person alive or dead has made a significant impact in someone’s life. The notion that no great man dies in vain is true. From reading the novel about a man who thought his life was a waste, to listening to an incredible singer explaining how her boyfriend’s death led her to bigger things.</p>

<p>The novel “The five people you meet in Heaven” talks about Eddie, an average maintenance man who thought his life is a waste. Eddie met five people in heaven who explained how his life significantly affected those people’s lives. The fifth person Eddie meets is this little girl who belied his opinions about his life, explaining how Eddie being just a maintenance man saved hundreds of lives and kept children safe in an amusement park.</p>

<p>During a concert, I listened to a Broadway singer who cried about her boyfriend’s death. She grieved about his death for months, until she found something that made her feel good the way her loved one did. With her singing abilities she used it to raise money and help build homes for people in poverty, she realized doing this helped her get over her loved one’s death.</p>

<p>Eddie lived a life day by day just doing his job as a maintenance man, and discovered how his life kept hundreds of people alive as well as keep children safe. The death of a boyfriend led a Broadway singer to discover that providing food and shelter for the poor help get over the grief of her boyfriend’s death. Every life in this world has a purpose that can change everything.</p>

<p>anyone? bump</p>

<p>First essay:
Well first of all, you need a “hook” as your first sentence of your essay. It is supposed to “grab” the reader’s attention. The hook needs to relate the prompt though, otherwise you’re better off without one. A “hook” can be a general statement or a quote from a famous person. The general statement cannot be something like, “The world changes every day.” Everyone knows that; it doesn’t really matter to the reader. These aren’t the only 2 options though. Then you need an explicit thesis statement that answers the prompt directly, which you have. Then you need to go on to introduce your examples for your body paragraphs. Otherwise how am I supposed to know what you’re going to talk about? That’s why it’s called the “Introductory” paragraph.</p>

<p>Your first body paragraph is good. For the second one, try to avoid Martin Luther King Jr. unless you know something about him that a typical person wouldn’t know. Everyone knows he gave a speech and encouraged blacks’ rights. You need to ask yourself: What makes your examples stand out from the other 2000 essays this teacher needs to grade? Other people to avoid are Rosa Parks, Thomas Edison, and HITLER MOST OF ALL.
For conclusion, avoid “this shows how” or anything of the sort. It’s just boring. We know what you’re trying to show. Your conclusion should be the “moral of the examples.”</p>

<p>Second essay:
Intro needs similar work to Essay1’s intro. Your first sentence does not answer the prompt though. The prompt asks CAN an AVERAGE person make a significant impact on the COURSE OF HISTORY. You answered that EVERYONE HAS made an significant impact on SOMEONE ELSE’s life.<br>
Body1: Novels are always underlined. Capitalizing the words in the title is good too. Mentioning the author would not be a bad idea either. You need to be more detailed and specific in your analysis of your first body paragraph. Anyone can BS that story.
Body2: You need more details for this. Also, if you want an effective essay, you should stick to one topic for your body paragraphs.
For example: Either have both of your body paragraphs be on literature, both on history, or both on personal experience. Don’t try to mix them up otherwise the reader will get lost in what you’re trying to say. Also explain how this example relates to the thesis. A Broadway singer would not be an average person, I’m guessing.</p>

<p>Conclusion: You don’t really need to restate both of your examples because you were supposed to do that in your body paragraphs. You do, however, need to make a statement that connects your essay with life in general.</p>

<p>Hope I helped! :D</p>

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