Grade my essay please! I'll grade your in return!

<p>The prompt was:


</p>

<p>Thanks in advance!</p>

<p>Schoolisfun,</p>

<p>Solid 12. This essay is outstanding, end of story. You have great, fully developed, and solid body paragraphs. Your examples were very appropriate. You clearly demonstrate strong control over writing. However, there is one thing; your thesis and conculsion paragraph. Question: did you fill up the entire space given for the essay? I’m assuming you did.</p>

<p>“Examples from history and literature attest that creativity is indeed needed in the world today.” There are more profound and sophisticated ways of stating your opinion and what side you’re going to take on the essay, but this will do. I prefer something along the lines of “Literature and history clearly depict how creativity is needed in the world today.” Just get rid of something so blatant as “Examples from,” that can hinder your writing. </p>

<p>Your conclusion is short, and I’m presuming its because of time pressure (25 minutes just isn’t enough). Try to add one more sentence before it, then its perfect. Or split it into two sentences. “After careful analysis it can be seen that creativity is needed in the world today. Leonardo da Vinci, Huxley’s Brave New World, and Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 display the consequences when individuality is removed from society.” However, I’m just being nitpicky at this point; this really is a good essay, but you don’t want the thesis and conclusion to detract from a perfect score and get you the 11 when you deserve the 12. </p>

<p>Lastly, I can see the improvement in vocabulary. You put in phenomenal words which really boosted your essay up. Great work, keep it up! Good luck :)!</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>Thanks for the very detailed evaluation! I appreciate the time you spent reading this =)

Yes, I had filled up the 2 alloted pages.</p>

<p>

yeah, I just barely finished. Thanks for the great advice! </p>

<p>Your tips have really helped me a lot!</p>

<p>schoolisfun,</p>

<p>Always happy to help. The SAT Essay is very generic and formulaic; very easy to score well on. Good job!</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>In my opinion, a 5 (out of 6). A 4 is possible, but not likely. A 6 is more unlikely.</p>

<p>Strengths:</p>

<p>+Strong thesis
+Strong control of grammar and mechanics
+A couple “big words” used reasonably well</p>

<p>Weaknesses:</p>

<p>-Seems a bit short; not sure how much of the 2 pages this would actually fill.
-Example 3 is too short. Just cut it and elaborate a bit more on examples 1 and 2.
-Your examples show how creativity helped humanity improve. You don’t ever tie this back to TODAY, which is what the question asks. This is probably the biggest weakness of the essay. Your examples are never tied strongly to your thesis. There’s only a seemingly tangential connection between your examples and your thesis.</p>

<p>If you make a stronger connection between your examples and thesis, you’ll be due for a 6. Your writing skills merit a 6. Your argument can be improved.</p>

<p>^Thanks, 314159265, I’ll be sure to keep the thought about connecting examples & thesis better in mind next time I write an essay =) </p>

<p>Also, believe it or not, I did fill up the 2 pages, which is why my conclusion & 3rd paragraph were short</p>

<p>It’s great! Did it really only take you 25 minutes to write it? :smiley:
6!</p>

<p>314159265,</p>

<p>Granted the essay isn’t perfect as written, the SAT Essay is meant to be a “rough draft” and the third body paragraph is often much less developed and smaller in length compared to the previous two solely due to time constraints. Unless given a harsh grader, this essay would receive a 12, lowest an 11. The ideas are developed and expressed in a coherent way. </p>

<p>Schoolisfun,</p>

<p>^is correct with the thesis, you do need a stronger connection. While I found yours to be satisfactory, I didn’t harp on the thesis; it could be better. 314159265 is completely correctly in pointing that out as I failed to do so. However, I disagree with the 2 body paragraph strategy. I always did the 5 paragraph essay; intro, 3 bodies, conclusion, and received 12s easily. Two bodies is a risk because unless they are PERFECT it’s difficult to get the 12. I’ve gotten 10s and 11s with the two body paragraph. When “truly developing” them, you often repeat yourself and the essay becomes rather mundane which diminishes the score.</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>I’ve always been a person who likes to explore various aspects of a topic, so 3 bodies for me is much riskier than 2. Still, 1, 2, or 3 examples can all net you 6’s. Just practice and see what you’re most comfortable with.</p>

<p>And again, the reason I gave the essay a 5 is not because of the short 3rd paragraph. It’s because the argument is a bit off topic and unconnected to the thesis.</p>

<p>314159265,</p>

<p>I understand your point of view. My breakdown on body paragraphs and essay score correlation was as follows:
1 body paragraph - genius and extremely talented writers will get a solid 12
2 body paragraphs - above average writer to convey ALL possible thoughts and ideas to get a solid 12 with
3 body paragraphs - the average writer (the category I am in); one that needs a lot of space to accomplish and develop the thoughts necessary for the solid 12. </p>

<p>Schoolisfun,</p>

<p>I agree with the thesis speculation. While it could have been better, you weren’t that far off. I would see this getting the lowest of a 10 if given a very harsh grader, because everything else in the essay is flawless. Granted the thesis is one of (if not the most) important part of the essay, the examples are appropriate and coherent. Never the less, I suppose this could be a borderline 12, so the 11 might be more appropriate for a score.</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Wait…if you need “a lot of space” to “develop the thoughts necessary for the solid 12,” wouldn’t you be better off having fewer paragraphs?</p>

<p>314159265,</p>

<p>Poor wording on my part entirely. I mean I can’t gauge myself as to what is “fully developed” or not at two paragraphs; however, with 3 body paragraphs and gauging myself, I received 12s more often. I guess I’m using 3 body paragraphs to play it safe in the sense that personally, my 2 body paragraphs resulted in lower scores. Now my three paragraphs they do take up less space (hand writing size is legible and neat) than two body paragraphs, but I find that I repeat myself less and thus my body paragraphs became the appropriate length. I meant I need more paragraphs not “a lot of space” in order to “develop the thoughts necessary for the solid 12.” :D. </p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>