Grade my essay please?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>ok so the prompt is:</p>

<p>Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:
I disagree with the assumption that people need to make an effort to keep things private because I believe that people are aware that they have a right to keep some things to themselves. There are things that just shouldn't be shared, for many reasons. People may not want to hear about some things, and people may also not want other people to know their feelings. I know many people who won't tell anybody about their feelings. It doesn't mean we think they don't feel.
My parents constantly complain that I don't show my feelings enough. If I get hurt playing tennis or soccer, I just shrug it off and continue. That's just the way I live, but it doesn't mean I don't feel anything. I just don't think that others need to be burdened with my suffering, or think that I am suffering. This actually helps all of us, because when I do complain about something,everybody knows it's serious.
Another example of privacy is shown by my best friend. We were looking at pictures of celebrities one day and having fun. Suddenly, he turned to me and said, "Don't tell any of our friends that I'm a perv." There isn't anything really wrong with it, but he wanted to keep that to himself. He recognized the difference between lying and keeping an insignificant fact hidden.
Teachers also keep many things private from their students because they feel that it would distract the class from the actual lesson. This is also privacy. They don't feel the need to give voice to every thought they have. Students don't think that teachers have no feelings, either. They don't find it necessary for the teacher to tell them about their life.
In conclusion, I believe that people don't need to make an extra effort to keep things private. We are social beings, and talk about a lot of things. It doesn't mean we don't know when to shut our mouths, and not talking about some things doesn't mean to anybody that you don't have feelings. </p>

<p>btw this is my first post on this forum</p>

2

<p>One tip: don’t use colloquial language like “perv.” </p>

<p>I think the examples need to be elaborated on more. I think this essay would get a 3 out of 6.</p>

3

<p>^garfieldliker is somewhat correct. But “perv” is acceptable here because it is part of a conversation.
you cannot change what a person had said.</p>

<p>Also I’d give this essay a 6-7 too</p>

4

<p>I would give it a 3-4. My advice: try to avoid using ‘I’ as the focus, and approach the essay with a more formal writing style. In addition, I’d recommend using historical or literary examples more prominently (personal examples are alright as a supplement, but not advisable as a foundation).</p>

5

<p>Oh ok. thanks. I’ve been working on using literary examples and it helps, but personal examples always come to mind first. I thought this was pretty elaborate at first but in hindsight I guess you guys are right.</p>

6

<p>^^I don’t rly agree with you. “I” is perfectly acceptable in an SAT essay. Personal examples are also acceptable as the main example if you can elaborate ~300 words with Critical Thinking.</p>