Grade my essay Please?

<p>*I'm aiming for a ten, can you predict what this essay would be, two scores of one through six= 12 total. I haven't practiced the 12 essay method much, i plan to do that today, tomorrow and friday.
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*Question: Is censorship sometimes justified?
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Censorship, the act of blocking the exposure of specific content to an individual, or group of individuals, is an action that is definetly justified many times, but also unjustified at other times. In our present society, imagine the complete withdrawal of censorship. Our televisions would be swarmed and overwhelmed with hordes of adults-only programs. Minors would be exposed to an open and ubiquitous cyber world embodied with violence and pornography. Three solid examples demonstrate the justification & nonjustification of censorship; The chinese communistic government's oppression of Chinese media, the censorship of Christian practices during the early Roman Empire, and the unjustified censorship in the novel fahrenheit 451. </p>

<p>In China, as we all know, simple sites including youtube, AOL news, and even google, have been filtered out of their internet atleast once. T.V programs available in America are rarely available in China, and would be restricted and edited if it were. The Chinese justifiy their censorship through their definition of a communist country. They want their nation to be independent of foreign influencee to keep Chiense economics on the top.</p>

<p>The emperor Saul, now known as St. Paul, was a cruel persecution of Christians. During the reign of the Roman Empire, All christianity was forbidden and to be executed if caught. The censorship of Christianity left priests with no mass attendees, and drove the Christian authority out of their minds. Through this time period, their censorship was justified by their desire of the preservation of paganism and abolishment of a certain religion.</p>

<p>Another example is in the novel Fahrenheit 451. In the novel, Guy Montag, along with all other firemen, were obliged to burn all Homes where books were to be kept. They enforced this law to censor contestable and unauthorized knowledge present within certain books, such as the Bible. This example shows the enactment of censorship without adequate justification.</p>

<p>In conclusion, censorship can indeed be justified, but can also be placed without any sincere justification. It can be justified through the government's foreign oppression, and the expulsion of immoral knowledge from certain societies, such as China. Censorship isn't always justified though, as in the case with the novel, Fahrenheit 451, where knowledge is suppressed without any sincere explanation. Ultimately, the world would be gorged with malevolence and forbidden knowledge without censorship.</p>

<p>**Any tips for improving or guaranteeing at least a ten this saturday?</p>

<p>Thanks, all your support is greatly appreciated.**</p>

<p>BUMP!</p>

<p>Please just give a rough estimate as to what this would be out of 12, I don’t trust my peers or family to grade.</p>

<p>I’ve never liked essays with 2 pro/1 con (or other way around) body paragraphs because, at least to me, it seems like while you’re trying to make a case for both sides, you still feel a preference for one side over the other. I also feel that the transitions from one paragraph to the next is a little bumpy. It’s a sudden jump and it’s not that smooth.</p>

<p>THAT SAID. I’ve done this essay prompt twice (Princeton Review) on two practice essays. I had an 11 and a 12, the second of which was GRADED BY A FORMER AP ENGLISH TEACHER (retired now). I think I know what a good essay what be in regards to this prompt…
Good diction, good detail, good organization, generally strong grammar… this is an 11-12.</p>

<p>However. Next time you do an essay, don’t go overload on history/politics. Saul and China are great examples but if you present most of your essays with history/current events it’s not going to be very diverse. Not to mention that you can certainly twist the use of censorship into, as I did for Romeo and Juliet, the censorship of love… Just experiment!</p>

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<p>Thanks for the feedback… </p>

<p>I’m still nervous for the essay because I might not be able to generate good examples as fast as i did in this prompt. I guess your essay score can partially depend on what prompt you get, and whether the examples you memorized are suitable.</p>

<p>11 I would develop your final example more. Weak first sentence. Nice closing.</p>

<p>If you can write all that in the time allotted, then yes, you will get 10+ (5+/5+).</p>

<p>I did actually write this within 25 minutes on paper by the way</p>